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Fear of Commitment Signs

Signs that reveal a fear to be committed when in a relationship are what people mostly associate with men. However, lately, this phobia of sorts, is not confined to the male sector of our species alone. Read the article for more information.
Brianne and Mark have been friends since forever. They were each others firsts, simply because they trusted each other the most. Mark would run away from a relationship at the first sight of the woman getting "too clingy" and Brianne was waiting for her "perfect guy". When Brianne and Mark began their relationship, they knew it was going to last forever. But, when they decided to go exclusive and move in together, Mark started avoiding her. It was when she coaxed and forced him to "sit down and have a talk" that he admitted to his fear of commitment. THAT was when that they started working on it. Now 4 years later, they are happily married and expecting a little one.

Not everyday do we come across a person who we know will be with us until the very end. More so, many people fear the mere thought of being with the same person forever. Well, yes, it does have its pros and cons, but the fear of committing does not stay confined to only relationships. It also seeps into the other aspects of the lifestyle. Look out for fear of commitment signs.

Commitment Phobia in Men

Men are associated with this phobia more than women are. This is because it is said that primarily, men are hunters. They are responsible for the food and the safety of the clan. They enjoy the hunt, but refuse to settle with the stales. While I refuse to call the females "stale", the fact remains that men enjoy the hunt and the chase. But, when they have achieved their prey, it bores them.
  • In the start he will seem like the most charming man you have ever met. He will know exactly what you want and how you want it. He will even take you to the best restaurants around town.
  • Once you start easing up with him, his interest will seem like it is dwindling. He will still take you out, but won't carry you on his arm the way he used to. Romantic conversations will seem lost forever. But, the intimacy will remain the same.
  • He will seem selfish and in his own world. Men who are afraid to commit hold the sanctity of their world in very high respect. They don't take kindly to someone coming and changing anything.
  • He won't be around when you need "a man around the house". This is because they don't want to be the man around the house. So, whenever you call asking for help, he will give you the number of someone who can come and help you.
  • He will never ever speak of a future together. In fact, if you mention it, he will probably laugh it off somehow. He will not discuss his life with you, he will restrict the conversation to slightly superficial subjects.
In fact, the classic example of someone having a commitment fear on TV would be Chandler, played by Matthew Perry in "F.R.I.E.N.D.S." The only way to get him to commit was Monica's (played by Courtney Cox) understanding nature. Another ever favorite commitment phobic man is John James Preston, aka, Mr. Big from the TV series Sex and the City, who settled with Carrie Bradshaw after 10 years of an on-again-off-again relationship.

Commitment Phobia in Women

Although culture, society and fairy tales have termed women to be "commitment crazy", the women of today are looking for way more than just a man to settle down with. Career and lifestyle changes are something that not all women can handle. More so, fear of abandonment is often also the reason why many women shy away from commitment. Here are the signs in women that you need to look out for.
  • She will have a lot of friends everywhere. These friends will be of utmost importance to her. However, she will not want you to meet her friends.
  • She will be pretty successful with her work. So whether she is a writer, a lawyer or a receptionist, her job will be very important to her. More so, she will always perform well at work.
  • She will never discuss her personal life and emotions with you. Women are very touchy about their feelings. They will not open up to people without thinking about doing so several times over.
  • Unless you are one of her best friends, she will not agree to cook for you. Cooking for women is a way to bond with a person. Unless she is willing to commit to you, there is a high chance that she will not be able to get herself to cook for you.
  • She will be touchy about everything, from the way her Manolos are kept, to the fact that she has to go dancing (whether you like it or not) with her friends. Messing with any of these can turn into a serious relationship issue.
  • She will be extremely critical of her partner. She may seem independent and the "knows what she wants" type, but more often than not, she is commitment phobic.
The classic case of a commitment phobic woman on TV would be Robin Scherbatsky played by Cobie Smulders in 'How I Met Your Mother'. Robin could not find herself settling in the relationship with the ever adorable Ted (played by Josh Radnor). However, she is perfectly happy to be with the Casanova incarnate Barnie Stinson. Another popular commitment phobic woman in TV is Samantha Jones from Sex and the City. Samantha dated Smith Jarrod for a while, but broke up saying that she needed to work on her relationship with herself.

The fear to be committed in a relationship is pretty much the reason why single parenting is becoming as common as climate change these days. In general, it also has a tendency to show in areas of occupation, decision-making and homes. Many individuals find it difficult to stick to living in the same house for long. It can be treated through understanding and not patronizing. More so, the more you nag, the worse the ailment will get. Professional help is not always agreed upon, but can be taken, to know how to overcome fears. This is where I sign off! All the best!
By Rashida Khilawala
Last Updated: 10/8/2011
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