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How to Raise Kids

Raising kids is one of those inevitable tasks that most individuals undertake. So, how to raise kids? Well, the answer lies in your outlook towards raising kids, in the first place. Raising good kids needs a little bit of patience and a lot of understanding. Are you on the brink of parenthood? Wondering if you can do it? Well, stop wondering and start reading!
"Merely giving birth to a child does not make one a parent". This phrase is the basis on which the very foundation of parenthood stands. Any idiot without contraception can conceive and give birth to a baby, but only a true parent can raise the baby and make him a thorough individual! Yes, I know my words seem slightly harsh, but it is a fact. It is not particularly hard to raise kids, but it is slightly tricky.

The Indians believe in the story of Lord Krishna. Lord Krishna was born to Princess Devaki of Mathura. However, as his life was in danger, soon after he was born, Krishna's father secretly took him to his foster parents, Yashodha and Nanda in Gokul. He was raised by Yashodha with love and affection. To this day, in spite of him being the Devaki's son, he is known as Yashodha Nandan (son of Yashodha). That is the importance and impact of raising kids and taking up good upbringing.

In the age of competition and fast paced life, people can find it a little bit hard to raise kids. It can seem scary, and yes, it will change your life. There are a few things which if kept in mind, can help one in raising kids.

Primarily, you need to look at the job of raising kids as one of your basic duties. You need to put all your energy and efforts into it. You need to give time to the kid. More than just being in the same room, you need to be in the same "place" as them. It is a very well-known fact that when trying to deal with a kid, it is best to become a kid. That way, you will see logic in their antics and be able to find sense in it. That, in turn will help you forge better parent-child communication. When raising kids, the best is to discipline them. However, it should be done with understanding and not anger. Raising your voice is not required while raising kids. You need to know how to raise a kid without raising your voice. It is often seen that when tying to get a child to understand or obey, parents avoid answering the question "why?". Well, dear parents, that's a bad idea. If you want the child to obey you, it is best to make them understand why you are asking them to do something. For this, follow the age-old tips on raising children, get into the habit of answering the question "why?".

It is very important for parents to know, while raising kids, that just because the child cries, it does not mean that you have to agree with them and give them what they want. This is a big mistake that modern-day parents make. Children, like human beings in general, have a tendency to push their limits. So, if they try you, and you surrender, next time they will push the limits further. While raising kids, parents are often the primary inducers of peer pressure. If your child throws a tantrum for something that you know they should not or can't have, do not give in to it. Hold your ground. They will cry, they will fight, yell, raise a tide of a tantrums, and even say things that would hurt you dearly. But, you need to be strong and keep trying to communicate with the kid without losing your temper. Make them see why you are saying what you are saying. Soon, they will see your point. This will be harder in the beginning, but soon you will see that your kid will give up the concept of demanding and get into a habit of asking. Isn't that much more pleasant?

When raising kids, always remember, your kids are what you make them. So, if from their early years, you put them into the habit of being treated like the masters and never face rejection, you are setting them up for great disappointments in the future. Do not oppose everything they say. But let them taste a little disappointment and rejection. This way, they will grow up to know that the world does not revolve around them and they will learn how to deal with it. Nonetheless, make sure that they know that whatever happens, you are there to support them. This will build a trust factor in them and the security of a support system as well. As such, they won't develop a superiority complex, but confidence instead.

Before adolescence, let them know that "privacy is a privilege". Do not let them be secretive; encourage open conversations. In general, while raising kids, parents should know that they can display affection to each other (to a certain extent), in front of the kids. This will introduce them to the concept of love and togetherness. More so, they will have the security that their parents love each other. Let them discuss things with you. Under no circumstances, should you be judgmental about your child or his friends. This is very important. This is the best way, and pretty much the only way, to ensure that your child will know that they can be honest with you. Always remember, if they think that you will not approve, they will still go ahead and do what they want, without you knowing about it. In other words, you are giving your kids a reason to lie to you. Best is to have an environment that encourages them to come and tell you everything. You can then teach them, without instructing them. Remember that there is a world of a difference in guidance and instruction. Make sure you are aware of it! However, after adolescence, do not invade their privacy. Keep the doors for communication open at all points of time, but do not force any information out of them. Most importantly, do not spy. They will find out, and there will be repercussions. It is best to lay a strong foundation of communication in the early years, so that they don't feel the need to be secretive from you post adolescence. That is when their life starts to get "eventful", and they talk to you openly.

If you really want to know how to go raise kids, the key is to lead through an example. Don't just preach, but practice as well! If you want your child to be responsible, you need to be responsible. If you want your kid to be athletic and sporting, you need to be the same, and make sure he knows that. If you want your kids to learn to care, the answer is simple; start caring! For all this, it is important that you spend time with the kid. Do not forget, your kid cannot be like you if he spends most of his time with the nanny, and she is the one raising your kid. Even if you do need to hire assistance during some part of the day, make sure that you spend quality time with the kid when you come back. Talk to the kid and play or watch TV with him. Like all of us, kids also learn from company. More so, the early years of a child's life are the key, make sure you are around for those.

A very important advice for raising kids the right way: protecting your kid is important but do NOT be overprotective. Let them stumble and let them fall. That is how they will build their immune to the pain that the world will inevitably give them. If you constantly protect your child, they will be more prone to psychological disorders like separation anxiety disorder. Nonetheless, that does not mean that you abandon them (that could make them develop a fear of abandonment). Be around. Like in teaching them how to ride a bike, let go sometimes, but watch closely. That is the best. Raise kids so that they are not afraid without you, because they know that you are within reach.

Beyond all of these points, while raising kids, each parent has their individual styles, and I respect all of those. To have the kid that you always wanted, be the parent that you need to be. To make your kid the individual you want to see him as, raise him accordingly. The correct parenting will ensure that the apple of your eye, becomes your pride and support when the time comes! This is where I sign off! With lots of love, happy parenting!
By Rashida Khilawala
Last Updated: 9/23/2011
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