Sometimes, a few drinks in, on quiet weekend evenings, the air hangs heavy and empty around me and all I want is to have you beside me breathing. I just want you near me, taking up my personal space, not even saying a word at all.
Sometimes, it takes me a few moments to register the fact that's no longer a possibility. I gave you the opportunity to make it that way again, despite everything you did and didn't do, but you never took the chance. My quiet company wasn't worth the hassle.
Sometimes, when I realize how big of a mess everything's become, I sit and watch TV dramas and wish for a relationship like that where I can feel exciting romantic adventure again. Although I know in my heart that nothing can ever live up to the way I felt when you caved now and then to hold my hand.
Most of the time I just want to be alone. But, sometimes, I want company, anyone's company. My friends all have lives and can't get up to go out on a whim. So, sometimes I go on Tinder and search, hoping to find someone that reminds me of you. But, I never do. They never get close. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes I lie there on quiet weekend nights, a few drinks in, and hate you, but mostly I just hate everyone.