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The Last Cell - Part 4

Chace looks back into some scary life or death moments. She finds out stuff about Dr. Wayings, and her brother. It's just very hard for her.
October 11th, 2006

Andy caught the puke flew today. I am not allowed to go near him. I have strict orders to stay in my room. I’m really pissed off that I can’t see how he’s doing. Everyone can be concerned about me, but when it comes to someone else in our family being sick, he has to stay away from everyone, and the focus is still on me.

I really blame myself. What kind of person am I, making my family like this? I seriously can’t go near him? I thought families are supposed to stick together. This isn’t sticking together. I’m already sick. If I can fight cancer, I can fight anything. That is what everyone’s telling me, isn’t it?

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November 5th, 2006

My dad makes Andy change bed with me. He has a queen-size, and I have a twin-size. He says I need more room. For the next hour I listen to dad and Andy’s conversation. Andy is so right. It’s his bed. They should have just buy me a new bed. He gets less room, so I get more? It doesn’t make sense, and I don’t think it ever will. Sickness should never get special treatments. It makes me feel like I’m getting rewarded for being sick.

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June 6th, 2012

I’m not happy with the fact that I get Andy’s bed, Avery’s room and all of that. I am glad I had that talk a few days ago with Dr. Wayings though. I guess changes would cause that. Maybe I’m just having a hard time believing that he loves me. Dr. Wayings is right. I get my thing yesterday. I don’t know how I’m supposed to break the ice to him. I have to tell him either way, so he knows it’s not an infection.

I’m kind of sad. On the Internet I'm reading stories about how mothers and children always go together to shop for the ‘supplies’ they will need each month or for a week or so. I’m sad that I can’t leave the hospital and go to my home. I should have some quality mother-daughter bonding time. I feel like that’s something every mother and daughter gets to do. Not me. I’m always the odd duck.

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June 7th, 2012

Doc is in my room right now. My mom and dad go to get something from Dairy Queen for me, so I could have a nice shake. So now, it’s just the boys and me. This will be even more awkward.

"How is your stomach today?" He asks.

I glance at Avery and Andy. They are listening. Oh well, screw it. I’m going to die soon anyway; I won’t be embarrassed for long.
"Awful…" I glance at them again and then doc says, "Hey Avery and Andy, could you please go get a glass of water so she can take her pills?"
"It doesn’t take 2 pe-" Avery butts in and kicks him. They leave and we are alone.
"When did you get it?" He asks sitting down on my bed.

"The other day," I say, getting a major cramp, and squeezing my stomach. Gosh, this really sucks. He looks around while tapping my bed.

Then he asks, "How about that banana?" I smile and shake my head. He leaves the room, but then pops his head back in, "And chase… Do you have all the stuff you need?"

Wow what a generous guy. I shake my head.

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When my mom and dad get back, they have brought the blizzard along with a gift in a bag. They said it is for keeping my head up, and not giving up hope. I see Avery and Andy smiling in the corner as mom hands me the bag. I open it and look at this movie case with the sexiest dudes I have ever seen in my life. "Magic Mike" I'm shocked, and my mouth is hanging open. I remember a week ago when a preview of it came. I am glued to the screen. My mom must have noticed.

I give them the biggest thanks, and hugs I had given them in a while. Before we put the movie in, we all sit eating our ice cream. We are talking. Actually not focusing on me. I ask Andy and Avery how was their last week of school and gt all the details.

That night, topped off with CHANNING TATUM, I felt like I wasn’t in the hospital, or that I wasn’t dying. I felt like an actual preteen, and happy family, actually watching a family movie. This was definitely a perfect night! I could peacefully go to sleep with Channing Tatum’s body in mind.

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November 12th, 2006

I'm in the waiting room in the Oncology department at Mercy when I see him. He is bald like me, and he have very blue eyes. He looks a couple years older than me. My heart stops when he looks at me. When he looks at me, he smiles, and of course I smile back.

My first crush. Of course I’ll never see him again, but I’m glad someone smiled at me, without making a disgusting face.

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November 13th, 2006

Avery just gets done playing Connect Four with me. He wins. I like how he doesn’t let me win, and he just plays with me like a human. I get to go home today. I am so excited. I miss the smell of home, whatever it smells like.

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June 15th, 2012

I’m becoming very close to Dr. Wayings. I can tell him anything. He just listens. He stays with me every Monday. My dad’s working of course, and my mom goes home and showers and picks up the house a bit. She stays home for the night, and my dad will come here for the night. I don’t mind if they are gone. I’m glad they do stuff, and not just sit and watch me all day.

We work out this thing where we think of 2 questions to ask each other. I’m proud of myself for what I come up with for this week. He slides into bed next to me. I always get to ask him first since I’m a woman right?

"How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?"
He grins. "14."
I laugh. "Why 14?"

"Oh you know.. .Girls are starting to become woman, and other things..." He smiles. I love how he’s not embarrassed to say that, and saying it to a girl who’s bald, with purple lips and a pale face.

"What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?" He turns his body so he’s facing me.
I say the truth. "I want a boyfriend. Someone that will think I’m pretty, no matter what I look like. I see people kissing. I want to do that. I just want to feel normal, and feel love."
He narrows his eyes and says, "You’re perfect just the way you are." He always makes my heart melt.

"At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?"
"This job. I get to see people like you everyday, and have that warm feeling knowing I’m spending my precious time, preciously. Knowing that I am saving some people's lives, and helping others."
I smile. "Hopefully you can save me."
He kind of frowns in a scary, sad type way. "What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?" He looks into my eyes.
"I would walk around confidently without my wig, acting like a bad ass - that has a perfect life." He laughs and rubs my head.

My back is really aching. I wince.
"You ok?" He asks, sitting up alarmingly.
"Ya, my back just really hurts."
"Here, face the window." He says as he sits up. I turn so my back is facing him.

He tentatively starts to rub my shoulders, not too hard or soft; just right. It feels so good. I feel so much tension has been lifted off my back. I relax my head as he moves low-down my back. I flinch.

"Sorry," he says lighting his grip. He’s all the way down at my butt basically. I breathe out heavily as I sit up and face him.
"Thank you," I whisper as I start to let my tears just fall. He just holds me in his arms and says, "This sucks. You don’t deserve to go through this shit." My heart warms once again, as my eyelids slowly droop.

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November 25th, 2006

I wake up at 1 am this morning. My stomach is really bothering me. I poke Avery, and he quickly follows me in to the bathroom. I lean down into the toilet and start puking... up blood. Avery shouts for my parents, and before I know it, I was passed out...

I can very faintly hear the ambulance sirens, as I am getting rushed to the hospital. They put an IV in without numbing stuff. I really want to scream and kick, but I can't do anything. My mind and body wouldn’t let me. I want to cry, but I can’t do that either.

I hear, my parents very faintly shouting, "What’s wrong, why isn’t she breathing?" Next thing I know, I feel someone raises my arms for me, as they take off my shirt, and put the heart shocker things on me. I’m pretty sure my eyes jolt open on the 5th one, when I start to puke up more blood again. My eyes want to close so badly. The ER nurse wouldn’t let me. She tells me to keep my eyes up, and she keeps repeating it. All the way into the hospital. My dad gives up a lot; it seems like, of blood, so they could pump it through me.

My dad saves me. Saves me.

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June 20th, 2012

Now, it blows my mind that my dad gives up that much for me. I don’t want anyone giving up stuff for me. What do they get in life? What do they get from giving me everything? The satisfaction that they can watch me suffer, just a little longer. I get that they want me here, maybe, or if they just think it’s the right thing to do, but I’m not going to beat this. I’ve been fighting this long, and I’m not getting any better.
Do you guys like this?
It is so good.
I don't like it.
It is very sad, and heartwarming.
It is so good it makes me cry.
Just stop writing so you don't embarrass yourself.
No absolutely not.
Yes, omg I love it. Wow.
By
Published: 2/19/2013
Bouquets and Brickbats
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