Chapter One: Apology One... Too Late
Have you ever been walking down the street and had some random guy turned towards you yelling, "Hey beautiful, blow me a kiss!!" Makes you want to puke, right? The first time a guy said that to me, I felt good; I liked the feeling of guys finding me attractive. There was one guy I knew, he was special, or at least I thought he was but then things changed. Yeah, things changed a lot, a heck of a lot and since then I have learned to never trust a guy again. Would you like to know what happened between me and that guy? I can tell you that it was nothing too bad but for me, it was the worst thing I experienced. Have you ever trusted someone and then had them betray? I almost expect every person reading this to say yes, you probably think that I'm overreacting and I guess I am but nevertheless, I am telling you the story of me. You could stop reading this right now, I wouldn't care, and you probably have something better to be doing than reading the story of a self-piteous girl.
My name? You will learn that later, right now, I am going to tell you a little bit about me. I am a tall with large brown eyes and long brown hair. I am going to a college in the Big Apple, with my dad's help, you see he has connection at the college and I ended up with a full ride scholarship, thanks to my grades and daddy. If only daddy was still living with me and I saw him more often, my parents are divorced, they got divorced a couple of months back; that was probably the second worst thing that's happened to me in my life.
You might be thinking, ok so she's got divorced parents but she's got a bright future because she's got an education and a career ahead. Yeah, sure, I have a career ahead... one that I don't want. My dream has always been to be a singer or actress, when you are me, drama comes naturally, but daddy wants me to be a lawyer and daddy always gets what he wants, not me. There is an example of my natural dramaness... type thing. Anyway, my dad is actually a philosopher, and I think he knew that I wasn't meant to be a philosopher so he settled for a lawyer instead. Right now, I am in the car with my mom and baby brothers (well I call them 'baby' brothers but they are actually 10 years old), Jesse and Joseph. I could have taken a plane but mom really wanted to do a 'family' road trip for the last time before college so I decided to oblige. Right now I am riding in the car with mom and my baby brothers; we are just outside the college, so now is the time for all the emotional goodbyes!
"Come on; let's get your stuff from the trunk. Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help you settle in?" Mom asked as her eyes brimmed with tears watching me get my bags out of the car.
"Mom, I will be fine." I said firmly, maybe a little too firmly but I hate having people help me. I glanced up after taking the last bag out of the car to see hurt in her eyes as well as a sort of pain. I had seen that hurt look before so many times, I have a habit of pushing people away or locking them out and that one time someone betrayed I shut everyone out. I hadn't stopped, I was running away. Who was I running away from? I don't know. Something I hate to admit to people, maybe I am running away from the people who could hurt me or maybe... just maybe, I am running from the most dangerous person in the world. Me.
"Joseph, Jesse come say goodbye to your sister." Mom said looking sternly at them; Joseph and Jesse were always getting themselves into trouble, which I guess is something they picked up from me. My brothers and I understood each other, they weren't annoying, and they surprisingly understood me. I don't really know how it worked between the three of us, but most of the time I feel like I am the little sister and they are the older, more responsible ones. Joseph and Jesse were identical twins, they had curly blond hair unlike mine and they had my dad's eyes, big chocolate-brown eyes.
"See ya, losers." I said poking them in their stomachs, before pulling them both into a quick hug, "Don't forget, if someone says Harry Potter sucks, what would you do?" I asked raising an eyebrow at them as I pulled back from the hug.
They grinned at each other before answering, "Kick them where it counts or pull their hair."
"I have taught both of you well." I said, smiling down at them before leaning down and planting a kiss on each of their curly heads. I dreaded this moment but then I didn't, it was so confusing. I was stuck between what I was feeling and what I wanted myself to feel like.
"When will you be coming back?" Joseph asked curiously, and I could tell he didn't really understand the concept of me going away to college.
"I will be back in a couple of months, Joe." I said trying to sound cheerful, but the truth was I wouldn't be going home till spring time. It was all so complicated because of my parent's divorce, my dad was expecting me to be in all these extra-curricular clubs on campus, and then be spending a lot of time studying too for all my exams.
"Come on you two, get back in the car." Mom said sounding exasperated as she ushered them back into the car and quickly closed the door. She then turned to me with an almost hopeless expression on her face, "I didn't say anything to your father about going to this college because I... I wanted you to go somewhere new. I thought this place would help you forget about him, and what he did, but something tells me that it's going to take a lot more than a change of place." There were tears in her eyes as she spoke and I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I watched my own mother cry over me.
I opened my mouth to tell her what I was feeling, to tell her how much I missed her and how sorry I was for treating her so badly for so long but nothing came out. There were so many things I wanted to say, I wanted to tell her how much I missed talking to people, and laughing at dad's lame jokes. "Bye." I said looking at her as tears crept into my eyes and in that moment I saw the expression of hurt and pain enter her eyes. She turned away and got back into the car before driving off, leaving me to start a new life somewhere I was destined to hate for life. A small sigh escaped my lips as I leaned down to pick up my bags, "I'm sorry." I whispered as I straightened up and stared down the road that my family had disappeared down. "I am sorry."