Jane wanted to go back. It wasn't her fault that I fell in love with her. Not her fault that I wanted to live my life with her. I was angry when she said she wanted to go back to her own place but disappointed more by her decision to leave me. I wasn't bothered about the people's questions here if she left. Slamming the door behind me, I walked straight to Jag's bar and sat in my regular place.
"Get me a beer," I told him.
"Here," he handed over a bottle to me. "What's up man. Visiting after a longtime."
"She wants to go back," I said lowering my voice so that only he could hear.
"You didn't tell her yet!!" He asked clearly confused and I nodded no. "Damn it Fred... Ok fine... Let's talk about it after closing," he said and went to continue his business.
I waited there until closing and watched Jag thinking about Jane.
"Why are you doing this to yourself Fred?" He asked slightly furious.
"What Jag. She wants to leave. Who am I to stop her if that's what she wants," I said looking into my second beer bottle.
"Her husband. For god's sake, she is your wife Fred. You have all the right to stop her," he shouted.
"Am not gonna compel her Jag. Remember I promised that she can leave whenever she wants?" I said regretting those words now.
"The situations then and now are completely different Fred. Do you understand that you love her?" He stopped waiting for a reply but since I was silent he continued. "Might be she'll stay back if you tell her that you love her. Doing nothing won't help Fred."
"She'll stay if she loves me Jag," I said getting up ready to leave.
"You are hopeless Fred. Am not gonna advice you anymore. Get lost." Saying so he turned and left the place.
Back home I checked on Jane and she was fast asleep on her bed. I went to my room, changed and fell on the bed mentally exhausted not knowing when I slept. The next day was a usual one and whenever we both met, there were only silent conversations. That night we both were eating dinner silently and I didn't know what to talk.
"Fred," she called and I looked at her. "I... I would like to leave tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" I asked shocked. Composing myself I asked her, "At what time do you like to leave?"
"After breakfast," she said looking into her food.
"I'll be ready to drop you wherever you want me to," I too said and got up to leave my dishes in the sink. "Have you packed your things?" I asked before leaving and she nodded yes.
I couldn't take in that I won't be seeing her after tomorrow. Spread over on my bed, I was rewinding all the moments to myself unable to sleep. She's leaving tomorrow.
It was my decision to leave. Fred neither asked me to stay nor leave. I didn't wanted to stay back, remain in front of his eyes everyday, make him treat my tumor, and ache after my death. I felt it was better to leave early than hurting him. Good that he didn't ask me to stay back or else it would've been more difficult for me to leave. I packed all my things not wanting to leave anything behind that would remind him of me. I waited for the moment to tell him that I would lead tomorrow but couldn't bring out my voice. The silent conversations were killing me. During dinner I was waiting for him to say something but he kept on eating looking into his plate.
"Fred," I called him finally and he looked up. The look in his eyes were unreadable. "I... I would like to leave tomorrow," I said with a heavy heart.
All was over and he was willing to drop me back home. That night I couldn't sleep and lay on my bed rewinding all the memories.
My bags were packed and ready to be kept in the car. After we ate our breakfast in pin drop silence we were all set to leave. Fred carried my bags and kept it in the car trunk.
"Freddy," I called him when he came in to finally lock the door. "Do you have anything to tell me," I asked hoping for that one thing which I didn't want to hear and he just nodded no.
"Let's go," he said and walked to his car.
The drive back to my apartment was mirroring the drive when I came here. Only the feelings were different. As soon as all my bags were inside my apartment, we both stood looking at each other. Unable to control the hard feelings, I hugged him not wanting him to leave. He hugged me back but very formally.
"Thanks for everything Fred," I said finally breaking the hug as tears choked my throat and stinging my eyes.
"It is I who should thank you Ms. Kingsley. You are free to ask any help any time. Take care," he said and left.
I watched him till he could be out of my sight. Sitting on the couch, I cried my heart out thinking I would never be seeing the man I love again.
A week later, I called my uncle and Angie to inform them that I was back to my apartment. And also I had called Fred's aunt if she could hire me back in the restaurant. Understanding everything she accepted me and promised me that she would not mention it to Fred, on my request. Life was back to normal again apart from my tumor. I started getting worst headaches and met the doctor for treatment. Uncle Brett was more like a father helping me with everything amidst his busy schedule. Even his wife was willing to help me with the treatment. The doctors had diagnosed that I was suffering from headaches since the tumor was growing but still couldn't operate as it was in a very sensitive area and smaller in size. They themselves weren't sure of the possible changes that might happen due to it. I was leading a life for name's sake and took everything as it came.
It had been two months since Jane left. Still I couldn't get over her. She never called nor did I. But I was eager to know where she was and what she was doing. More than that, I was worried about her tumor. I wished that life would change the way it was a few months back. The only thing that kept my mind off all the worries was my rodeo. After the accident, I rejoined the club immediately after Jane left. Everyone there said that they could see a very good progress. I was training vigorously for I didn't wanted to let myself down at least in this one. I had to register myself in a bigger club to view or participate in a rodeo which every rodeo men at surrender advised.
I went into the city one day for the registration work. After it was completed, I went to pay a visit to my aunt. Since I was hungry, I decided to fill my stomach at her restaurant before meeting her. I ordered my food and sat in a corner waiting for it. Just then I remembered that I saw Jane for the first time here as a waitress. True to my heart, I missed her a lot. I missed all those lost feelings when I was near her. For a moment, I thought to pay her a visit too. Unconsciously out of nowhere, I started searching for her in the restaurant thinking if she would wait near the tables here again. But sadly, I couldn't see her anywhere. Thinking that was very foolish of me to think so, I started eating my food that was served hot on the table. Again I had trained myself to eat alone like before all the way missing Jane's companionship.
After I was done with my food and paid my bills, I went to the office room to see my aunt. I tapped the door and she asked me to come in. But the voice didn't sound like hers. As I opened the door to see my aunt all I saw was JANE. Shocked to see her there, I stood rooted to the spot unable to talk. She didn't even look at me and was doing some paperwork.
"Yes," she only looked up after sometime as there was complete silence from my side and her furrowed eyebrows straightened. "Fred," she breathed my name as a small smile formed in her lips making a mild dimple on her cheeks.
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