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A New Beginning - Part 10

Jealousy, romance, guilt, remembrance, memories, and hope....
Every day at the clinic, I start realizing who I have become to be, honestly, I find it amazing. Only a year ago, I was suffering at school and home with my anorexia and depression. I never had friends and a bunch of guys and girls at my old school used to always shove me against the lockers until bruises started appearing on my back and shoulder. I was a mess. I remember walking home from school and tripping on the sidewalk crack, falling and scraping my arms, legs, and face. People used to point at me and just laugh, considering I had no courage to say ‘leave’ I just took the mean comments, eventually sinking into my brain for good. Coming home to an empty house and a forbidden room, just a couple reminders of my daily chores and homework to keep me company.

I always found sitting in Sarah Marie’s bed comforting and peaceful, knowing that she is watching over me and keeping a sturdy eye on my future life. All the bad comments would go away when I sat on her bed, the sadness never taking over me, just quietness and remembrance. After leaving her room for my daily homework, I used to grab a snack and sit in the hallway, against her old door, thinking. Hoping, one day, just one; Sarah Marie will appear next to me and smile knowing everything is going to be okay.

After Sarah Marie’s death, I know my parents would lock her bedroom door at night, so the temptation to visit wouldn’t be an option. Yet during the day it was unlocked and the sun always shining through her open window, to the bed she died upon. Some days I would sit on her floor and re-think the memories we went through, although young, Sarah Marie was amazingly talented at drawing. She used to always draw me random things, and even once she drew me our old dog: Maxwell. He was a Saint Bernard with fur as warm as a flannel blanket. She drew him so well; I couldn’t even tell it was a drawing at first, mom used to say that she was a natural just like our Grandma. I remember staring at her while she drew, and smiled, seeing as though she had grown up so much since the days she used to bite whenever she became angry. I smile whenever I remember our memories before her death.

I peer my eyes open and see Brian watching me sleep, his thumb rubbing over my hand. I closed my eyes again before snuggling up close to him and dozing back off to dreamland.

The endless nights my parents fought, were the nights I cut. The searing pain cuttings into each part of my body, slicing my mind open to the thoughts of the bullies. "You are so stupid" "Why are you even alive? You should be dead like your sister!" "You don’t deserve to be alive! Go die bitch!" "You’re so pathetic!" "Here is a rope, hang yourself, then everyone will be happier!" "No one likes you! You are worthless! YOU KILLED YOUR SISTER!" The words dug into my skin and began bleeding, all until I blacked out into a world of peace.

I awoke again, feeling sweaty and my eyes springing tears out from each blink. I looked over and saw no one next to me but an empty pillow and bed. The sheets covering my body, another note set on the nightstand. I sit up out of bed, and dry my eyes with the covers, feeling as alone as ever. I read the note saying:

Dear Journal,

Wow. I cannot believe I finally have the girl I have loved since she arrived. Her eyes have blue as the crystals in the ocean on a beautiful summer’s day. Her smile leaving trails of heartbeats along my stomach. The butterflies filling my stomach when she touches my hands, intertwining our fingers together, making a hell of a connection. When she sleeps next to me, her dreams placing trails in my mind, hearing her nightmares but smiling into her good dreams. I love when she protects me against the other kids, helping me through the challenges of eating food, telling me it is going to be okay when my parent’s don’t want me to come home, she is my everything, and I love her.

At the moment she is sound asleep, her dreams stepping along my mind, reading everything good or bad. Right now she is dreaming of her sister, I believe the name is Sarah Marie. I could picture her sister and her standing next to each other, smiling. Then all of a sudden her dream turned bad, she is shaking and screaming. I can hear footsteps outside my room; I think I need to go check it out. Will write again soon.

Love, Brian.

I blink again and again until I hear the door creaking open, my mind flashing into a thousand hearts, butterflies filling my stomach, and a gentle smile creeps onto my lips. Then I look up to see Brian’s face turn bright red and his hands begin fidgeting, his thoughts turning towards me reading his diary.

"It’s good. I think you have a good start here. You should keep writing it, I like it, a lot." I say standing up and walking towards the frozen Brian, his eyes watching every step I take.

"T-T-Thanks." He stutters, my hand reaching for his.

"It’s okay, Brian, I really do like it, so don’t be embarrassed." I whisper against his ear, feeling goosebumps arise all over his body.

"I-I-It’s j-j-just that I-I-I-" He began to stutter out, his hand intertwining mine, but beginning to shake out of nervousness.

"Shh. Come on, let’s go get some breakfast and start on our weekend homework." I whisper again, his hand immediately opening the door for me.

"Thanks." I say, making our way towards the kitchen for something to eat, mandatory something to eat.

"D-D-Did you actually l-l-like it?" He asks me, rubbing his thumb on the palm of my hand.

"Yea. I love how you write in a journal, it’s a good idea, and maybe next time I can sit with you and write it." I say, a smile creeping onto his face.

"That’s a good idea." Brian responds, looking anywhere but my eyes.

"I have a question." I spark up; he quickly jerks his head towards mine, his eyes becoming worried yet dark at the same time.

"What? What’s the question? Is everything okay?!" He asks me worriedly.

"Nothing is wrong, but ummm, are we a umm couple?" I ask, nervously.

"Do you want to be one?" He asks me, his eyes devouring mine.

"Yes." I respond, watching his eyes spark up with excitement, glazing over.

"Really?" Brian responds.

"No." I say, sternly, his eyes fading away to nothing; he drops his hand to his side, about to walk away.

"I am kidding! Yes, I do." I smile, showing my white pearls at him, who quickly grabs my hand again, grinning deviously at me.

"Good. You scared me for a second; I thought I was just making a fool out of myself." He says, smiling, showing his white pearly teeth, glistening the sunlight.

"Nope, you are perfect." I whisper to his ear, his hands grabbing my waist and pulling me into his chest.

"So are you." He says, smiling from behind.

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Charlie’s POV

Sitting in this room, alone tired, upset, angry, sad, guilty, and every other emotion there is in this universe. I am guilty because Kasey is my best friend and pushing her out of the booth just wasn’t nice or a right thing to do, she hadn’t done anything yet I had to do something. I am kind of angry about seeing Brian and Kasey together though, Brian even knew I liked Kasey before we even became friends. He took her before I even had a chance, and I think that’s what I am angry about. Maybe that’s why I pushed her off the booth and sent her almost to the hospital, maybe that’s why my mood has been changing lately; all because of them.

She walked in, handcuffed, bags thrown all over the place in the lobby. Her face strewn with tears, red and blotchy, her face depressed and emotional yet perfect. Her hair blew in the window, her body way too skinny but looked amazing, her fingernails painted into a hot pink color with white stripes painted over it. Her pearly white teeth, glistening in the sunlight, sending me to cloud nine and back again. Her purple colored Justin Bieber backpack, lying perfectly on her shoulders sent me over the edge of the love canyons. He light brown hair combed to only half of her head and sitting on the top, a purple Justin Bieber snapback. She looked stunning and from that day, I had always wanted her to be mine. A girl I could only capture as a friend.
Do you guys like the romance factor or not?
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Published: 3/11/2013
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