It was a cold morning, the rain just beginning to start. I was lying on my bed shivering, yet feeling alone. I look down at my cold hands, realizing that they are white again; the white I showed when I was back at home. I think about my mother for just one small second and a tear falls against my cheek.
I forget that I am at the clinic, I forget that I am anorexic, I forget that my parents are divorced, and most of all I forget that Sarah Marie died. I forget everything, I begin to just think about all the good things, remembering all the good memories I had when I was little, all the laughs I used with my family, all the mother and father's day presents and breakfasts in bed, all the dress ups with my mother's shoes with Sarah Marie. Everything good begins to seep back down into the deepest corners of my heart to sit for the rest of my life.
Before I fall back asleep, I get up and walk around, I check the time, the schedule and the packet. The time is 10:45 am, I should have gone to eat breakfast at 8:00 am but I was asleep, when I look around for the packet, I notice a small note, set against my bed stand.
I read the letter and it begins - "Good morning Kasey! I know you are still asleep, but this is the Rhodes Farm Clinic here to tell you that although you are still asleep you must come down the hall for breakfast when you awake. If you are still asleep by 11:00 our staff will come in and awake you. Kasey, you must remember that her at the Clinic you will eat every meal, even if it is already past the time of that meal. I hope you had a good night sleep but now that you are reading this, get dressed come down the hall and fix yourself up some breakfast! See you soon Kasey! Sincerely, Rhodes Farm Clinic Staff."
I quickly jump back into bed and fall asleep, making sure they don't come in without my permission. I get up again and lock the door using a handcuff, the police forgot to get. Then I pull up my covers and fall asleep. Yet when I awake, the Rhodes Farm Clinic Staff is standing above me, looking at the handcuff then at me.
I think they saw that I had opened my eyes because they immediately gave someone the handcuff and most of the staff left the room suddenly. A staff member was looking at me, when I sat up. I glanced at her looking for a name tag, but there wasn't one. She looked down at me and was waiting for a response, I guess. So I said one word, maybe it was rude, but to me it was a very purposeful use of the word "LEAVE!"
I guess the staff member was startled because she suddenly jumped and left my room, closing the door behind her. I heard her yell something to the "boss" of the place but before I could even fall back asleep and get cozy, the manager came into my room. She looked at me like she was mad at me. She began to open my closet and drawers to find a pair of sweatpants, a shirt, socks, my comb, and reached under my bed, not afraid I could hurt her, my shoes.
She shut the door, locked it and walked towards me. She sat on a wooden chair next to my bed and looked straight into my eyes, and said, "Kasey. I know you don't want to be here. I know what happened to you in these past years, but you have to understand; we, here at the Clinic are trying to help you recover. Now, I can be your best friend, or your worst, but the things I have seen here are not something you want to stay with the rest of your life. The best advice I can give you is, don't yell at the staff or a punishment will be in place, find a friend, and forget all the bad things. Think of the future, think of what your sister would say if you didn't listen to the people in your life that are trying to help you."
She smiled at me, and walked away, but before leaving she said, "My name is Sarah, if you would like to talk, now you can get dressed and come down the hall for breakfast and then lunch. Read your schedule. If you're not in the kitchen in 15 mins, I will be back in here to make you come in. Please be good to our staff and remember your mother just wants the best for you."
After making that statement, she left. I looked back at me yelling at the staff, I remembered that my mother did say she just wanted the best for me. Maybe, I should listen to them, maybe I should make a friend, maybe I should get better, maybe God does have a plan for my life, just maybe he does.