I have learned that true friends stick up for each other through thick and thin, not matter the situation or problem occurring, they are always there for us, as we are there for them. Being anorexic and leaving my family behind me to move to this new home has been a difficult task from the challenges to the easier parts of making friends. Eating food for me now is becoming easier because I have my friends beside me to help me conquer each challenge or new food every day. Brian and Charlie are my only real friends at this place, most of the girls have been here for more than a decade, I believe. They don’t help each other the way I help Brian and Charlie. Every morning walking into the blue breakfast room, I feel a sense of happiness spreading throughout my veins because I have finally realized that everything happens for a reason, even if it happens for the worst.
I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and the morning sun peeking through my cold, glass window to say hello to me. I look to the side of me and see the fragile body of Brian, his hands intertwined within mine and sleeping soundly. I lightly push his hand away from mine and crawl out of bed, careful not to wake the young boy sleeping next to me. As I am almost touching the floor, two stronger arms grab my waist from behind, allowing a high-pitched sound to come out of my mouth.
"Morning." I speak quietly, waiting for the chance to leave the room and get changed into my afternoon clothes.
"Good morning beautiful." Brian says to me, pulling me back onto the bed with him.
"How did you sleep last night?" I ask curious of his ‘nightmare’ from the previous time we spoke to each other.
"A lot better than I slept in my own bed, because I had a beautiful girl sleeping next to me." He says, smiling into the depths of my eyes and beyond.
"That’s good. Ready for breakfast?" I ask, quickly changing the topic to hide my blushes from his gorgeous face.
"No." He replies, moving some strands of hair from my face, around the top of my ear. I turned my face towards his, still blushing ferociously, and criss-crossing my legs. He begins to stare at my face again, brushing his thumb over my tomato red cheek and down towards my pink lips.
"Oh." I say quietly, while his thumb began rubbing my hands, twitching with anxiety.
"You’re beautiful, you know that?" He asks me, my mind wanting to change the subject.
"No. Come on, let’s go eat." I say running towards my closet and pulling out some skinny jeans, my old middle school fair t-shirt, and some Nike socks, while slipping my hair into a messy bun and walking out of the room, leaving Brian alone.
"Good morning Mrs. Sarah." I announce, her frail hand reaching towards me to take the unknown headphones and iPod from me. Unbenounced to her, I did not carry them this morning.
"How did you sleep last night, dear?" She asks me nudging me towards a gloomy looking boy named Charlie.
"Great thanks. Brian will be in soon, I think he had to stop back in his room to get changed." I say, approaching Charlie, who just stares at his food in daydream mode.
"Hey Charlie." I chirp to him, but all he does is move his fork around the cold and unappealing scrambled eggs, his granola untouched, and his juice still full, only a small piece of toast had been slightly bitten off. I slide into the booth next to him, waiting for Brian, and touch his shoulder, his body tensing up.
"Charlie?" I question.
"What?! What the hell do you want?!" He yells at me, pushing me out of the booth and landing on the cold, tiled floor with a thump. He spills his juice all over the table, and his food is all on the ground in a puddle of yuck. He pushes me on last time before stomping out of the kitchen and slamming his bedroom door.
"Are you okay, Kasey?!" Mrs. Sarah quickly yells to me. My body began to loosen but tense again, feeling tears well up in my eyes before I run down the hall and to the backyard. As soon as I felt the fresh air against my face I ran near the swings, without looking down, I tripped on a rock, falling to the ground with pain. I stand up and walk to the swings, with blurry vision from the non-stopping tears and blood dripping down my calf. I cry.
For the first time in ages, I felt my own tears cloud my vision and the sounds escape my mouth; for the first time I felt like someone had just broken my heart, almost like the day Sarah Marie died. I fall to the ground again, and began ripping up the grass, sobbing like a three-year-old child. I hear voices all around me but all I can think to do his hide; hide away from the horror of my embarrassment of crying.
"Kasey?!" "Are you okay??!" "Kasey, talk to us!" "Please" The faint voices and sirens, lead me into a white room, everywhere I feel are cushions and air. My body is covered with a gown and I keep hearing beeping noises until I face the realization of a hospital wing where the ‘sikos’ go. My hands are tied behind my back and my nose is still runny, the beeping noise has finally stopped but the voices have not.
"Good afternoon, Kasey. How are you feeling?" A man speaks through the microphone. I looked up at the screen and began to wonder where I actually am. He bumps into the microphone again and my eyes divert to the many people standing around me. My knees are bloody and scraped, Mrs. Sarah and bunch of the other teachers and nurses are standing around me, Brian is calming Charlie down inside at the doorway, and all the other children have been rushed inside and to their bedrooms for lowdown. I just sit there, conscious of the situation but unable to move or even speak. Mrs. Sarah turns back to look at me and starts shouting something, Brian rushes out of the doorway and down toward where I was, but turned away to go to his room for lock-down. Some of the nurses start dabbing peroxide on my cuts, when all of a sudden the silence goes away and is filled in with noise, sirens, yelling, screaming, worry.
I awake in my bed, outside I hear footsteps followed by a couple of conversations, I sit up and fall back down from the massive headache overtaking my body. I hear the door open, creaking then being shut again, the footsteps moving away. I slowly sit up again and walk near my mirror where I see a note, two pills and a glass of water lying there. The note said:
Good to see you are awake and doing well, Kasey. We are all very worried about you, most importantly Charlie is in his room, grounded for a few days, and Brian is incredibly worried. Here are two pills of advil and a glass of water to take the pills with. Lie down for a few hours, please and get some rest. I will come in to your room when I hear your footsteps moving around, then I will talk with you and Charlie. Sleep well. I will bring in your breakfast, lunch, and dinner when you wake.
Mrs. Sarah signed her initials, Sarah Harley, at the end, with her signature at the bottom. I close the letter and place it under the doorway for the counselor to pick up then I took the two pills. After a few minutes I began to feel drowsy, dozing off on my bed, fully clothed.
I woke up and peered next to me to see the alarm clock blinking 8:30 pm. My eyes widened remembering falling asleep at 4:00 pm. I stood up and walked around a little before my door creaking open and seeing a hurt Charlie and a worried Mrs. Sarah. I stepped back a little to sit with my legs pulled to my chest, while Mrs. Sarah pulled up two chairs for herself and Charlie to sit in. He sat down quickly, staring at me with anger still in his eyes, and his hands fidgeting.
"I brought you two here today to discuss what went on in the blue kitchen earlier this morning. The behavior was unexceptional and will not be accepted anymore. Charlie will now be eating, alone, in his room for a week and three days while Kasey will stay in the blue kitchen. Charlie is not allowed to leave his room for a week and three days except for counseling or using the restroom. Both of you will be kept under the eagle eye and will see your counselors every single day for the rest of the month, talking about everything and anything. If your counselor reports to any of us about not attending a session, you will be receiving a suspension from all activities out of the school day and/or social activities. Please keep in mind everything you say will be recorded for future references.
Today begins the suspension of Charlie for a week and three days of being grounded only to his room, while Kasey begins tomorrow with meeting her counselor every day for the rest of the month. Keep in mind no such behavior will be accepted anymore, so be aware of all the things you say or do. Social activities are meant to start new friendships and are privileges but may be taken away if such actions are kept active. Any self-harm or suicidal thoughts will be sent to a special room upstairs to be watched all day every day. Food wise, your amounts will become larger and you are both expected to eat it all. I repeat no more behavior like what happened this morning are acceptable. Now we are beginning our talking session.
First. Charlie saying his side of the story then Kasey, please do not interrupt either while one is speaking. I am allowed to cut in if either begins twitching or becoming irritable or has a major attitude change. Charlie began." Mrs. Sarah says, reading from her notebook from the principal about the circumstances of all behavior for each student and patient. I heard Charlie sigh before beginning his speech.
"Well, I was sitting in the blue kitchen thinking about everything bad that has happened to me in the past few days and was considering running away when Kasey started talking to me. I became irritated because she ruined my thought process and touched my shoulder when clearly I was not in the mood. I also do not approve of any relationships going on between any patients here-" He started before Mrs. Sarah cut him off.
"Charlie. Please be aware of anything you say because it might hurt you in the long run. This has nothing to do with Brian and Kasey dating each other, so please leave it out or speak with your counselor about it, later." Mrs. Sarah spoke before letting Charlie continue with his story that I clearly did not want to hear.
"Anyway, I wasn't in the mood to talk with anyone or eat for that matter, and Mrs. Sarah always said to keep your hands to yourself, which Kasey did not do." He finished, staring at me with the devil’s eyes, and setting his calm hands on his lap, peacefully.
"Good. Thank you, Charlie for containing your anger and explaining your side of the story. Kasey, you may begin, unless you do not feel comfortable to yet." She says, keeping a stern look, concreted on her face.
"Well, I was walking into the kitchen for breakfast, in a great mood. Mrs. Sarah nudged me to help Charlie because he appeared a bit under the weather. So I walked over and said hey, then his name, and touched his shoulder only to have him tense under my touch. He flipped out and threw his food on the table as well as shoving me o-off the b-b-bench. Then he starting to walk off but b-b-before he stomped a-away he had t-t-t-to push me harder o-o-on to the floor." I spoke, quietly before beginning to sob again, Charlie’s face softening and Mrs. Sarah leading Charlie out of my room.
I sat there for quite some time before deciding to leave my room and talk to Brian. I opened my bedroom door, seeing as all the lights were off and it was 10:30 pm. I tip-toed towards Brian’s room and opened the door, but finding him sound asleep in bed, his lights off and a piece of paper, torn with a pen on top of his nightstand. Being as curious as I am, I picked up the piece of paper and was about to read it before someone’s strong hands wrapped around my waist, my hands dropping the paper to the floor without a sound. I shrieked a little before realizing that Brian had pulled me into bed with him.
"What are you doing in my room?" He asks me, emphasizing ‘my’ more clear than the rest.
"Umm." I say, hoping he would let me off the hook, but unfortunately he never does.
"I’m guessing you wanted to talk to me?" He questions, smiling and intertwining our hands together, to form the strong connection I have grown to adore.
"Yea, and ummm sleep with you...?" I say almost as nervous as I ever will be around him.
"Absolutely." He whispers into my ear, before pulling the warm covers over the both of us and drifting into a peaceful sleep, with my angel, his arms wrapped around my body, finally feeling safe.