Chapter 32: Feelings
9:30 pm approached. Ian wouldn't answer any of my calls or texts, and it literally made me sick to my stomach. We spent every New Year's together, and for him not to be here, it just made me want to cry and that was even worse. This was one of the worst arguments that we'd been in all of our lives and I just couldn't get over the fact that he really did hate me and that made me want to ball up in the fetal position and just bawl my eyes out.
"Knock, knock?" I turned to the already open door and spotted Liam standing there. "What's up baby sister? You haven't been out of your room all day."
"I um..." No excuse. "Today is not my day."
"New Year's is your favorite day of every year. You always told me that the beginning of a new year was something to be happy for, because we survived all the difficulties from last year." I looked at him and smiled.
"Yeah. It's still true." I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. Seeing that as an invitation, he came and sat beside me.
"So if it's true, why do you look so down? I'm not liking this Briana right now."
"It's because some of my difficulties have moved into this new year." He raised an eyebrow at me and I looked down, bracing myself before I spoke. He was going to find out eventually. "Ian's mad at me. He's mad at me because I lied to him."
"What lie could you have told that would be this big for little old Ian to get pissed off about?" He asked.
I buried my hands in my head. "He asked me a few weeks ago if there was anything going on between Kaleb and I. I told him 'no', every time he asked." Liam tensed up beside me. "But I lied and I've been lying to just about everyone about it. Liz found out and when she was pissed off at me on Christmas, she spilled the beans to Ian but he didn't believe her until I confirmed it."
Silence enveloped the room and I couldn't help but look at Liam to see how he was taking it. He was staring down at his hands. "So what are you and Kaleb, if you don't mind me asking."
"It's complicated. I ... we're together, it's just that we are keeping it private."
"For how long?"
"The second day that we went to Web-lee's." More silence. "Please say something Liam."
"I mean..." He looked over at me, a smile on his face. "I'm happy for you. I like Kaleb. Not saying I don't like Ian at all..."
"There was never going to be anything between Ian and I," I said. He raised an eyebrow and looked over at me. "What?"
"You just lied to with a straight face. You're getting really good at this lying thing."
"I'm not lying," I said as a blush crept over my face. "Why does everyone assume that I'm lying?"
"Because, there's no way in the world that you and Ian could spend that much time together and not have some kind of feelings for each other. That's unbelievable Briana and it's BS."
"There's no use in denying it. I've been your brother all my life and I know you, whether you believe that or not and I'm telling you that it's obvious. You might like Kaleb or whatever, but you either love or like Ian the same and there's no in-between."
I clenched my jaw and looked down. "What am I going to do?" I shook my head. "I'm in way too deep to go back."
"To go back to the way things were?"
"Basically." I looked over at him. "I like being with Kaleb, but my happiness shattered when Ian found out."
"You didn't want him to."
"I mean, I knew he was bound to find out sometime, but I just didn't think that it'd be this soon or it'd be that way." I sighed.
"You have to make him understand where you're coming from."
"He won't answer my calls or texts, or anything."
"Well, make him." He stood and looked at me and I stood as well. "He loves you a lot and he wouldn't just end the friendship that you and he have, no, would he?" I shook my head. "Well then, let's go, give our little Ian a surprise on New Year's Eve why don't we."
I raised an eyebrow as he smiled at me, grabbing my hand and leading me to the door.
"I can't do this Liam." We had pulled up in front of Ian's house and I was procrastinating going inside. "Just turn the car around or something. He won't open the door for me once he knows it's me. How do we even know he's here? What if he just bold face slaps me in the face with the door? What if he just-"
"Okay," Liam said cutting off my what-if party. "He'll open the door for you because I know he will. We know he's here because his car is in the driveway. He won't slap you with the door because he'd be too surprised to see you actually standing at his door, apologizing. Now quit it and go inside." He cut the ignition to his car off and stared at me. "And we're no leaving until you do."
Sighing once more, I stepped out of the car and walked up to Ian's house slowly. My heart was going about a thousand miles per hour and I couldn't help but stop right in the middle of the sidewalk. I took deep breaths and then walked up the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I placed two swift knocks on the door before stepping back.
In about twenty seconds, the door came open and a disheveled Ian appeared and just like Liam said, he was surprised by my presence. Our eyes scanned each other before either of us said anything.
"Hey." Hey? Really Briana? Hey is all you got?
"Hey back," he said barely audible.
I bit my lip and ran a hand through my hair. "This is more awkward than I ever thought it would be between us."
He chuckled a little. "I was just thinking the same thing." Silence.
"Are your mom and dad here?"
"They are actually. Did you come here for them?" There was a bitter taste in his mouth as he spoke.
"No, I came here for you." I looked up and sighed before looking at him. "I called you and texted you, and you didn't answer. I don't understand."
"You should understand Briana," he said. "You know why I didn't answer, call you back or text you. I can't. You lied to me." He spat out those last four words so hard that I flinched. "I've never lied to you like you did to me."
"But you know why I didn't tell you. You would overreact, just like this."
"Overreact? Hearing my best friend tell me that there is something between her and some guy when I had continuously asked her for weeks now, and she tells me no when she knew what the right answer was, AND she did it with a straight face each time." I looked down. "Sorry. I didn't meant to overreact."
Tears boiled in my eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Is that what you came here for?" He asked crossing his arms impatiently. "I've heard this from you a lot. You're sorry and I know you are, but that won't replace the fact of you lying to me. It never will. You cut me like a knife." The tears were coming like heat at my eyes.
"I don't know what else you want me to say."
"Maybe because there isn't anything left for you to say," he mumbled. He stepped back, about to close the door before I pushed it back open.
"We're not done and we're not going to end like that." My sadness turned into that of fury, mainly because of myself, but also because he was just going to end it like that. "You can't just do that to me and throw our friendship away."
"I didn't have a hand in that, don't you remember?"
"Ian..." I sighed. "What will it take before we're back the way we were before."
Automatically, Ian spoke "It's either him or me.", and my heart stopped. He was really going that far with this? I don't even understand.
"You can't just set that kind of ultimatum with me."
"Then what do you want from me, Briana? That's my answer."
"I like him too much to just give him up that fast," I admitted, looking down. Ian tensed up before me. "But you're the most special person in my life. Everyone thinks that I'm in love with you and I thought so too. But, do you remember that time we kissed?" He didn't respond so I continued. "I loved it actually and I thought that there was some possibility that we could have been together, but I just can't see myself with you just yet. You are my sunshine, always and I don't want to lose you ever. I love you, I do with all my heart and I would never want you to leave my side." He just stared at me. "You're mine forever and I'm yours, but Kaleb is different. I like him more than I gave myself credit for."
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words formed, so he shut it. He looked down, around, and then back at me before words actually came out. "I love you. I always have. Ever since James screwed you over, I knew I loved you. There's no doubt in my mind that you'll love me back."
"Ian..." He stepped closer to me.
"Just let me have this moment, okay?"
Sighing, I closed my eyes and let him kiss me and I kissed him back for what reason, I don't know.
Sorry about being the worst uploader in the world. I've been so stressed out with all this college stuff and I just literally wanna punch myself, and school/friends/home life is not making things better. I really did miss uploading stuff and I am so sorry for not. I'll make it better. I'll be better. Sorry. Love you guys.
Athenaelite: Thank you. That literally warms my heart. Seriously. A lot of people actually were wondering what happened when she was 12 and that will continuously be brought up. I literally love this story so much, so it'd be really hard to end it out of nowhere. And as for your comment on Chapter 25, just keep reading lovely. You never know what you'll find.
Reema: School is a kick in the butt, but I'll make it happen for you guys. I'll try to do better.
Abby: I'll try to post ASAP.
Daisy: I will not end this sadly. I promise. I hate when movies/books end sadly, so I would never do that to you guys. Thanks for reading it and I think you're awesome.
Lexi: Thank you!
Kudu: I'll try to post sooner than what I'm doing.
Maureen: I still love you!
Bblover: Hahaha. Thank you too bebeeee. I was wondering, what does the "bb" stand for in your name?
Mkwaton: Thank you babessss!
Carly J: The twists and turns will be perfect.
Suja V: I know. He did put his trust in her ... Crazy how fast things can change.
Anne: He's heartbroken but there are more twists and turns to come.
Dolly: Did I surprise you with this chapter?