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Common Marital Problems

The problem comes in so quietly that a couple realizes it much later that the romantic spark in their relationship has cooled down long back. To know more about common marital problems after baby, read on...
Samantha and John were one of the most admired couples. They used to look so happy together as if they were made for each other. After a few years of marriage, they decided to have a baby and they indeed became the proud parents within a year. For a year they really enjoyed their parenthood but soon after that, they started feeling something missing in their relationship. Because of the baby, Samantha had to leave her job and they started facing small financial problems as the days went by. Samantha was so engrossed in the household work and with the baby that she hardly had time to pay attention to John. The days went like that and the communication gap between them kept widening and some of the marital problems started peeping in their relationship. That started triggering fights between them every now and then. The degree of misunderstanding reached such a level that they both decided to part their ways.

Most of the seemingly happy couples go through the similar situation after a baby. Behind such problems is generally the human nature that tends to take all the things and people for granted. Nothing is permanent in life and so is love. The form of love keeps changing as you age but it doesn't die for sure. All you must do is nurture it. People take love for granted and this is where they go wrong and make the biggest mistake. Love and relationships need to be maintained, be it your friends, colleagues, or spouse. After marriage, especially after having kids, couples generally stop paying attention to their basic relationship and get engaged in other things. This article tells you about some of the common problems that are triggered after a baby is born.

Marital Problems

Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the biggest marital problems. Due to various reasons either of the partners engage in extramarital affair. This happens mainly when either of the partner are forced into a marriage or somehow lose interest in their spouse. Infidelity can be emotional or physical and for many people emotional infidelity is more threatening than physical infidelity. The feeling of being cheated, being used, or being left and rejected for someone else is very difficult to deal with. The result of infidelity in relationship is generally a divorce. especially when the person is completely in love with the cheater partner. It is quite difficult to say why people stray from their partners and start loving someone else. But what is not that challenging is talking to your spouse about infidelity. The occasional chatting about extramarital affairs would help a couple understand each other's point of view. It can also help them finding out the reason for infidelity and solutions do deal with outside temptations.

Family Problems
As someone rightly said, marriage is the union of two families and only the two individuals. And this very fact becomes a problem for many people as they only want their spouse but not his or her family. This happens most in case of women, as they go and live their husband with his family. Many a time, nagging mother-in-law problems crop up in the relation and the whole frustration results in an unhappy relationship. Constant and unending problems between family members is one of the reasons why marriages fail. At such times, a couple should discuss a problem thoroughly and both the partners must learn to tolerate the parents and relatives of their spouse. For that, it is important that the couple takes efforts to mix well with other family members of the spouse. One must remember that he or she cannot or should not leave his or her entire family only for one person.

To Have A Baby or Not
Many couples start having problems due to the very point of whether to have or not have kids. Sometimes, either of the partners is very keen on having a baby and the other is somehow not interested or not yet 'ready' to become a parent. In such situations, the one who wants a baby starts feeling that his or her opinion or desires are not attended well by the partner and this can lead to disputes and marital separation among them. In such a situation, it is important to have a proper dialog so that they come with a proper family plan and future plan about babies. The other partner should try to find the reason behind the reluctance of the spouse and try to resolve the issues. After all a child should feel welcomed by both the parents.

Lack of Sex
Believe it or not, sex plays a major role in keeping the two people connected emotionally. After a baby, the frequency of sex gets affected for various reasons. For example, sometimes the mothers are so tired or so overwhelmed with the baby that they completely neglect their husband and his sexual needs. This can make men feel insecure, unsatisfied, and isolated. Sometimes the women go so out of shape after delivery that their physical appearance kills the libido of the man. On the other hand, women expect men to take some role in child care and household chores. All these things result in emotional distance between the partners. Both the partners need to pay attention to each other's needs and find out the solution to their problems. Women should be encouraged by their husbands to get into shape. They should also help their wife in household work so that she is not tired after the end of the day to have sex.

Financial Problems
It is one of the most common marital problems after childbirth. With the arrival of a new person in your life the financial burden also increases. Especially when the women leave their jobs for babysitting. This makes the income half but needs and requirements are doubled. The lack of sound financial planning as well as family planning leads to such problems. Once the baby is born one has to save for his future, schooling, day care, health insurance, and lots of other things. This creates financial crunch resulting in money problems. This in turn, results in unhappy relationship and unhappy marriage between the couple.

Indicators of Marital Problems

Apart from the above, lack of communication, emotional intimacy, trust and respect can also lead to divorce. Given below are some of the signs that can crop up due to any reason:
  • You hardly talk to your partner or do not share the daily happenings like earlier.
  • Romantic dinners are something you have had years back.
  • Even smallest things about your partner irritate you.
  • You are less like a couple and more like a paying guests.
  • Sex and romance has become a rare phenomenon and whenever it occurs, it's an obligation or you never enjoy it.
  • Frequent fights have become a new definition of married life.
  • Your partner prefers spending weekends with his friends but not you.
  • Child is the only reason you are putting up with your relationship.
  • Taking care of your partner has become an obligation for you.
  • You often think that your partner has changed and so has the relationship.
  • Your life seems boring, monotonous and dull.
If you observe the above unhappy marriage signs, you know that you need to give time to your relationship. Do not wait for your partner to blink first. Life is shorter than we actually think. So initiate a positive communication that would help you identify marriage problems and solutions accordingly. You can also seek marriage counseling that can help you solve the problems after baby. There is no problem in the world that cannot be resolved by constructive communication. So get talking and rekindle the magic of love again!
By Geeta Dhavale
Last Updated: 10/10/2011
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