Dear Aunt Nelly (3): Invisible

I'm dead inside.
Dear Aunt Nellie,

This is my twentieth letter to you. I still haven't heard back from you. I understand you receive a lot of letters from so many people, but I need you more than ever. So I hope you're not annoyed with my constant letters, but I need you to read at least one of them.

I feel invisible. As I've explained before, whenever I try to talk, it's like my words fall flat. They have no impact. Nobody replies, as if I've said nothing. I've tried calling people, but nobody answers. I've tried messaging them, but nobody replies. I've tried searching for friends, but nobody cares to interact with me. I've tried joining clubs to meet someone - anyone - but I've had no success. Nothing works and I'm convinced that I must be invisible.

Today, it was raining heavily and I sprained my ankle. I was limping through the busy streets, crowded with so many people, and I was clearly in so much pain. Not one person helped me, or asked if I were okay. Nobody even looked at me. I felt so insignificant in that moment, like a dust particle floating through the air.

I tried to call a taxi but nobody answered, so I was forced to walk the long journey home. I've damaged my ankle from all that tedious walking. I'm shivering and wet from the heavy rain and I'm sneezing like crazy. I've sneezed so hard that I popped my blood vessel and now my nose is bleeding. But oh well. Nobody seems to care, so why should I care?

So many unanswered questions taunt my mind everyday.

Am I a ghost?

Why doesn't anyone notice me?

What have I done for them to ignore my existence?

Do I deserve it?

Am I a horrible person?

I want to cry, but I've wasted so much tears over the years that I think I've run out of them. There's no point in crying anymore. It just makes my eyes sore. Now I feel empty. Dead inside. I can feel the depression deep within my stomach, eating away at my guts, growing bigger and stronger with each passing day. Everything is crumbling away and my loneliness is killing me.

Talk to me.

Talk to me, Aunt Nellie. Please.

Did you get this letter? Knowing my luck, it probably hasn't been delivered. But I've sent twenty letters, so you must've surely received some! I would email you if I could, but I'm having Internet issues that unfortunately cannot be fixed because the universe hates me. There are many times the universe has let me down and I've explained it all in my previous letters.

Do you care about me?

You care enough to reply to everyone else. You help them, so why won't you help me?

You've done amazing things. Like helping Freddy fight against cancer. Now, he's a survivor and he said, it's all thanks to you! You've restored broken relationships and friendships that even counselors couldn't resolve! You've built a grand orphanage for all the unfortunate children. You fought back against deforestation successfully! You've done so much that I'd need more paper to list all your selfless good deeds!

You are the most caring person I know. And it kills me that even the most caring individual is ignoring me, especially when I've reached the lowest point in my life.

Please just say something. One word. That's all I'm asking for. I'll be satisfied knowing my existence is being acknowledged by one person. It'll be an honor to have you notice me. But, at this point, I'm desperate for anyone, even the postman to notice me! I'm sick and tired of being invisible. Everyone leaves me. Am I the problem? Am I doing something to push them away from me?

I need answers. I need something. Anything. I just can't live like this any longer. This will be my last letter to you.

If you don't reply within the next week, I'm going to kill myself. Please don't take that as a threat. I'm not trying to blackmail you. I just want to know if you care. Besides, I feel like I'm dead anyway, wandering through this meaningless life like a ghost. So, what difference does it make if I end my pathetic life? No one will miss me anyway, or even notice that I'm gone. Please, prove me wrong.

Will you save me, Aunt Nellie or will you ignore me... like everyone else?


Published: 3/19/2018
Bouquets and Brickbats