Dear Diary - Entry 5

Entry five.
Dear Diary,

Friday (18.10.19)

I'm finally home after a long day of college.

I've been feeling nauseated throughout the week. Like I want to vomit, but nothing comes out. Sometimes I feel acidic bile rush up my throat - which I instantly swallowed on reflex. It tastes like vomit.

As much as I hate vomiting, I'd rather just puke and get it over with.

I'm probably having way too much junk food. So, now, I'm having tea with honey instead of sugar. Mom says honey is good for the tummy and it's healthier than sugar, so I figured, why not?

Surprisingly, it tastes the same! Wow. This might become my new thing.

Anyway, I got a message from two of my friends wanting to meet up this weekend. They invited me along to hang out with them and their boyfriends.

They invited me before, but I canceled pretending that I was sick.

Yes, it was the one time that I wasn't sick.

I don't want to cancel on them again. It's been so long since I last saw them. We're all in different colleges and have differing timetables (plus work), so we barely have the opportunity to meet up.

I miss them so much. They've been my friends for six years now. I really want to see my girls again.

But I don't feel comfortable being the only single girl hanging out with two couples. I feel like I would be the fifth wheel.

I asked my sister for advice and she said I should hang out with them, anyway.

"Keep in touch with them. Make fun memories. You'll regret it if you don't."

Then she asked me, "Why don't you just be honest with your friends and tell them you want a girls day out, without their boyfriends?"

Hell no!

What if they think I don't like their boyfriends? What if they think I can't be in the same room as their boyfriends?

I didn't want the girls to misinterpret how I felt. The way I see it, I could be honest or I could avoid an awkward problematic conversation.

I think I might just cancel the meeting again. But I can't keep using "I'm sick" as an excuse AGAIN. It's one of the most common excuses and I didn't want my friends to distrust me.

I need to be smart with this.

Update: it's half 6 in the evening and I've been texting Dylan. I told him about the situation with my friends, asking him to brainstorm creative excuses with me to cancel the meeting.

"Why cancel it?" He said. "I'll come with you, if you want."

"You? With my friends? And their boyfriends? Won't YOU feel awkward?"

"Why would I?" He said. "I like meeting new people."

I remember how he approached me and had no problem talking to me. I normally don't like talking to strangers, but something about him made this easy and fun. So, maybe he likes interacting with new faces.

And if he comes along, I won't be the fifth wheel. At least if my friends get lovey-dovey with their boyfriends, I can talk to Dylan instead of awkwardly lingering in the background.

God, this was really tempting.

But what if everything goes horribly wrong?

What if Dylan sticks out like a sore thumb? What if my friends don't like him? What if he doesn't like my friends or their boyfriends? Would it just be better if I go alone, reducing the awkwardness?

Ugh! I wish I could ask my sister for advice, but she doesn't know about Dylan. I'm keeping her in the dark since I'm afraid she'll tell Mom. I know she won't intentionally tell her, but she does talk to Mom a lot -- what if she accidentally says something about him?

I texted my friends, asking them how they'd feel if I brought Dylan along.

They were fine with it. They even teased me, asking if he was my boyfriend. I knew they would. They have a habit of teasing me whenever I spoke to any boys.

I pleaded them to not tease me or Dylan if we did meet up. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. They agreed.

I guess this thing is happening after all. I should feel better, but I feel very, very nervous.

Am I making a mistake?
Published: 10/19/2019
Bouquets and Brickbats