All I had was a pen and a pad and nowhere to go but backwards.
The signs were right, I had nowhere to go, no one t love, nowhere I belonged.
I walked the road until I reached a dead end, the pad still stuck to my heart like it was all I had left.
I lay under the stars, the leaves covering my icy body.
I counted the stars until I reached 1000 then a flashback of you chocking me yesterday flew back and hit me in the head.
The stars turn red and made shapes of your hands and them striking my innocent face.
The wind blew a breeze that froze my cold scars on my arm.
It stung but I liked the pain, it brought me back to when you were hitting my door screaming at me to do a ridiculous chore for you.
But I stuck to what I knew to do and grabbed my blades from under my pillow, grab the one that calls "Heaven! I need you!"
And mark today's incident into my markless perfect flesh carving memories and reasons into spots that will never be the same again.
And at the same time neither will I.
My hand covers my cuts like a fresh blanket but with an unpleasant feeling.
I don't belong in the middle of nowhere, I belong with other people who hate their lives as much as I do. I need to be with my kind, the ones who close their eyes and see pills and death so clase they sin with every breathe they take.
Ones who share a connection to a piece of paper like I do.
Hours of spilling my guts with a pen with no boundaries or restrictions.
But here I lay in the dirt with no light, no warmth but the thoughts of you and the marks to prove I meant nothing to you.
It was you destroying me by fate. The love I have poured out, to the hugs, the fact that I stuck with you all these years.
The abusive that kept going on and I loved you enough to hide behind the blade and to keep my mouth shut no matter how desperate I was to tell someone what you did, what happened in general.
Which ruined my 17 years of existence.
I have no home and now I know how most teenagers feel.
I hate this feeling and I hate being cold so I wish you would be there not only in presence but here with me as I get comfortable on a sign that marks "Dead" witch is how I feel right now.
To you, to myself to anything.
I can see my breath in the darkness of life.
It's a sight that I must live up to.
Its another part of my fate that gets destroyed again.
Thank you, Daddy.