I feel so lonely. Most of the time now. Even though I have my family and husband that love me dearly, I feel alone.
Maybe it's because I am alone most nights because of his schedule. Maybe it's because I do it to myself.
I read about people who struggle with depression, and know some people who struggle with it. And I have experienced it myself before. But this is not what it is.
I'm genuinely sad. I go to the internet. I go to social media. I go to friendship sites. I try to go to my friends.
Maybe they don't realize the state that I'm in. Or maybe I'm too stubborn to admit it to them. Either way, they don't even seem to care.
Maybe it's where I work. Maybe I'm not fulfilled enough with what I do. Maybe it's the people I work with.
All of these things I think about daily. And then at the end of the day I remember Jesus.
I remember how He was hated by so many people when He died. His friends left Him, and one even betrayed Him. One sold Him out for coins. When He needed them the most, they were gone.
Yet who was the person He called to? He called to His Father.
He was genuinely sad. He felt alone. And He is the King of Kings.
So what does this mean for me?
I guess for now, taking it day by day is the key. Along with drawing close to Him, everyday.
Will I still be sad? Probably. Will He help me get through it? Yes, but it may not happen as fast as I want it to.
If anything, I will use my alone time to spend it with my heavenly Father. And maybe, just maybe, I won't feel lonely anymore, because I am never alone.