Diary Entry #39

The diary of a real girl living in the real world.
It's just been one of those days. Weeks. Years.

I'm over being the only one who does anything around here. I'm done trying to pour out my feelings and not being heard. There is never any reciprocation.

Back when I was younger, I thought I had it so bad. But as the years have gone by, I see that this is when life really gets hard.

There is no one to talk, because everyone is always just too busy. And I know that life gets busy and everyone has jobs and families. But doesn't everyone need a shoulder to cry on?

When I see children, I see the love they have for life. When they get upset, it's usually for something so simple; things that we don't see as a big issue. But they truly don't have a care in the world. They are also expressing their feelings--sometimes they don't even know how to express their own feelings.

I feel like that's me. I'm a child. Or maybe we're all just big children. When I get upset, I cry, or at least want to. I don't want to have patience or deal with our grown-up problems. I just want to be free to write, or relax, or talk. To just have fun. Like a child.

But more importantly, I want someone to talk to. And I know that Someone is God. And I'll be honest with you Diary, God is someone I'm not very familiar with anymore. Sure I talk to Him in passing, or I'll look at what He says sometimes, but it's not the relationship like we used to have. Somehow, somewhere along the line I stopped having a relationship with my Best Friend. The most important Person in the universe. Where did I go wrong? I got busy. And at first I was complaining about how everyone around me was too busy for me. But I am doing the same to Him.

Please forgive me! I can't believe I'm such a hypocrite. I'm all talk. Why am I like this? I know once I go back to that relationship that everything else in my life will (hopefully) get better and fall into place. But even if it doesn't, I know I will at least have someone on my side to help me when things get hard.
Published: 7/4/2019
Bouquets and Brickbats