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How to Solve Marital Problems

Marital problems are inevitable, given the fact that nobody is perfect. To help you deal better, here are some tips on how to solve these problems.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~ George Bernard Shaw.

When I first heard this quote, I couldn't stop smiling because of the uncanny resemblance it had with one of my married friend. This couple is, no doubt in love. I have seen very closely, their love blossom and eventually 'end up' in marriage. But, as Samuel Lichtenberg has said, Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. Some small differences have cropped up in their small happy world and are somehow threatening to turn into something big. Every fight starts with small misunderstandings or differences. It is up to the married couple to stem it at the smaller issue and not allow it to grow into something bigger. Let us have a look at some ways to solve marital problems.

How to Resolve Marital Problems?

Marriage, as it is said, is made in heavens. So, why does it happen that two mortals from the earth try to create a rift in it? The answer is simple - no individual is perfect. Even if we try to be, we cannot be perfect. So, whenever we live together with our spouse, there are bound to be differences. Different habits, opinions or ways of doing the same task, can alter even the strong fabric of marital bond. Under these circumstances, the key aspect, which is absolutely essential, is mutual understanding. If one understands the other person and if the feeling is mutual, no small difference can get escalated. Marital problems, in general, range from forgetting the essence of marriage, adjustment issues, lack of space, ego hassles, financial problems, sexual dissatisfaction, childbirth, infidelity, etc. Following are some of the most common problems faced in a marriage and some solutions for them.

Why Did You Get Married?
Mignon McLaughlin said in The Neurotic's Notebook, If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. Always ask yourself the question - why you got married? If the answer is that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with your spouse, then where's the problem arising from? There can be nothing more upsetting if the reasons for your marriage and problems are the same. Remember that smile of your spouse when he/ she said those two most romantic words in the holy church. Don't forget that I do doesn't put an end to I love you, but rather gives it a meaningful start.

Adjust and Give Space
Even a remote control of the television can become an analogy to depict who controls the remote at home, and is the basis of all ego hassles. This is, by far, the most common and trivial disparity which can occur in any relationship. And the best way to deal with it is take your ego aside for the moment, soothe it and think rationally. You have to adjust, come what may! Don't you adjust according to your boss's demands at work? Don't change anything at home. Also, if you feel that every single task your spouse performs has a bearing on you, learn to distance yourself from it. Until and unless you give space to your spouse, your spouse will keep feeling bogged down, in turn fueling the mutual mental anguish. Respect his/ her individuality as much as you want yours to be respected. What matters is the mutual trust and confidence. It is said, Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person. If you are the right person, there is no reason why your marriage won't be successful.

Keep the Fire Burning
Armistead Maupin put the sex aspect so genuinely in his book 'Tales of the City' when he said "My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot." Does the attraction recede so fast? Or have you got interested in some other person? Now, if your case is the latter one, I can't help! I can only ask you to introspect and understand the damage you are causing to the psyche of not just your wife but also to yourself. If not now, you will surely live to regret it. But in the first case, you can certainly reignite the passion by doing little fun things together, spicing up the bedroom talk or taking some sex advice.

Child as a Connector
I have heard numerous stories related to the problems that crop up after a baby is born, but still fail to understand how a couple's greatest reason for joy makes them feel disconnected. It is obvious if the wife doesn't pay much attention to the emotional and sexual needs of the husband after the birth of a child. Husbands should be supportive during this after-birth period, and the wives should learn to balance the times they give to both. The bonding with the child should be used as a connecting factor, rather than the other way round.

Communicate about Anything and Everything
Even if you have a minor issue with your spouse, don't leave it unsaid. It's extremely vital that there is no communication gap between the both of you. Don't go to the extremes to impose your viewpoint on your spouse. Always talk and solve the issue with a healthy conversation. Moreover, stop taking your partner for granted. Nobody likes it in any relationship. So, why in a marriage? Just because your spouse is your life partner doesn't mean that he/ she will understand everything you say or do. Before taking any decision which will affect your lives equally, do consult your spouse and arrive at a mutual conclusion.

I have tried my best to provide you with the tips on how to solve marital problems, but the real effort can only be mutual. Beverley Nichols has said, Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. There are many couples who have lived happily for as long as 50 to 75 years, writing the 'remaining' chapters in poetry. It is entirely up to you to prove Nichols wrong and live happily ever after!
By Rohan Bhalerao
Published: 3/9/2011
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