If Only - Chapter Thirty Seven

Short Chapter...
It was like the speed of my mind, and how I ran, catching up. The possibility that might occur, and opportunity that I never wanted to lose.

Once again I was standing up in front of the school gate, but I didn’t just stand and watched it from afar like I had been for weeks, I forced my way in, heading to the place where everything started, and where everything ends. The words that escaped from his lips were all in those dreams I’d been having for weeks and countless nights. I pinched my hand several times, I winced each time it hurts - like a looney.

"Looking at your record, Ms. Aurner, and to lose you as our potential student like this would be our lost," Mr. Hans said, looking down onto papers of... I had no idea what, but there must be something written there about me. "I wouldn’t ask you about how you get into this kind of trouble."

Ridiculous was all you could think of saying and arching your brow was all you could think of doing. I thought,'If I told you about it. I mean, who wouldn’t?'

I, myself thought this kind of situation had been too stupid and I felt like shit for - ever fell into this kind of... crappy trick. I raised my brow, well, not that I didn’t know, stupid bitch, only know how to pull crappy trick, and when everything turned into a mess, they bring their parents to clean it up for them. I might have gotten myself into a bitch fight, I made a mess, but at least I can deal with my own shit.

I remembered the day when she gave me a final blow, crying, clinging onto her parents like a monkey, and said something about me being crazy. They wished to send me into a reform school, that might happen after I cut one or two little fingers of their lovely daughter.

"If you feel sorry for the mess you have made and-" That stopped me from daydreaming of pulling off Julie’s hair until she turned completely bald, "I didn’t feel guilty, nor did I regret," I said, looking straight into his eyes.

"It might be a complete foul in your opinion, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I knew I made a mistake that I got myself a part-time job which is not a part of family business. But I seriously don’t think it is such a big deal. I mean a lot of student my age, or even younger, different school, they made experiences. Being there and communicate with lots of people, actually open your eyes and see what kind of society you lived in. And that society gives me something that I will never find in any textbook. I never thought of it as something I should feel guilty about," I watched his eyes softened and a smile formed on his face, "And for messing with Julie, I didn’t regret it one bit. She made fun of one’s life and pokes around like it has something to do with her."

I was quite surprised when I saw him smiling instead of frowning. He should at least scowl, or shook his head in disapproval. I raised one giant eyebrow, rubbing my itching nose. Well, I had no intention of holding in, if he gave me a chance I would gladly take it, but not when I had to tell him the opposite of what I truly thought. I cracked my knuckles, supposed that was the only sound which filled the awkward silence aside from the ticking clock and indistinct noise coming from some place inside this school building. Apparently, the festival had begun. My fingers began to tapping the edge of the desk.

"I actually have been told that. The whole thing about part-time job is not a big deal and one ridiculous rule." He took off his glasses and rested his chin on his twined fingers, "That stubborn, bad-tempered boy actually came here and spat that out right in front of my face. It takes almost seven years to have him standing here, to actually talked to me." He eyed me carefully.

Feeling uncomfortable, I cleared my throat, and hunched my shoulder a little, adverting my gaze into some empty spaces. It’s best to stay silent when you had no idea what kind of person is talking to you (especially teachers and those at the same level or higher up) talked about. In case you had something to do with it, and you forgot. I never actually listened carefully, since it sounded more like a sleep babbling to me. I had nothing to do with a stubborn and bad tempered boy he was talking about.

"I was wondering what made him persistent to keep you here, barging in, raising his voice - showing me that he still has those human feelings by being frustrated over something compared to how cold and lifeless he was during that time."

He rubbed his temple, smiling bitterly. I felt my face pinching up into a scowl. My fingers stopped pulling on the hem of my shirt, "Who are you talking about?"

Someone asked him not to drop me out of the school? My heart raced, wanting to know about that enthralling fact that someone actually cared - or should I say crazy enough to the point of raising his voice in front of the school principal. I mean, if Mr. Hans didn’t make such a face, I would thought of it as a joke. Holding my breath, I suppressed any wild ideas and waited.

"Who asked you to keep me?" I asked again, now with a voice that sounded more like a murmur.

"He said he was there as well, he was working where you had been working all this time." Where I had been... as soon as I got the hint, my shoulder fell and I shrunk further in my seat.

"You wouldn’t have...." The word hung over the air, my mind went blank. I was... I didn’t know what had been going in my head, but he said - to my relief that nothing happened. I looked up at him, thinking of but hesitant to give voice to questions out of - ultimately - something strange in between the scene.

"This might sound rude to ask farther, but, what is your relationship with Russel?" He wouldn’t have done as what Russel told him to. No matter how hard I overlooked it, there must be something, my gut said so. A student raised his voice and made a fuss in the principal's office would get at least well, spending one more year as a bonus, if you get me. Moreover, thinking that he’d done that and actually granted was impeccably bizarre. He opened a drawer somewhere behind his desk, pulling out an old photograph and marveled it with his old eyes.

He handed the picture to me, the edge of it was torn a little. Without me doing anything other than wonder about the picture, he let out a sigh of relief and said, "If this were to happen a long time ago, bad memories should be forgotten completely," I didn’t know what he was talking about.

I examined the photograph, spotting Mr. Hans and his wife sitting next to each other on a bench, and two boys stood on each side. The place looked like a private garden - so green (despite all the yellowing parts around the image) and seemed well-taken care of. One boy that stood next to his wife looked older than the one next to Mr. Hans. That was probably Mr. Dylan, looking charming with a dimple on his cheek as he smiled brightly, hugging Mrs. Hans' tiny shoulder. The other had a solitary, awkward distance from the three. He hung his face down to the side and clutched his collar, or something that I would assume as a necklace. I barely saw his entire face, but his curling brows and a face that looked like it had the color drained out. My eyes laid on his figure a little too long.

I never knew Mr. Hans had two sons. Two -

My stomach churned. I put the picture back on his desk, and swallowed. "I don’t have one," I remembered he said that about his Dad. If I hadn’t remembered how his face hardened terribly that time, I would stay here and asked Mr. Hans a few more questions regarding his relationship with Russel. I quickly stood up and subtly put my balance on both my feet. "I-I should go tell my parents," I said, "Thank you so much for your consideration, Mr. Hans," I nodded at him or you could say a slight bow - as to show him my respect before I leave.

He smiled, "You remind me of someone."

I straightened my back and threw him a questioning stare, before he added, "- my best friend."


The picture haunted me. I couldn’t tell, even when the person himself was in front of me, whether I was too afraid to assume, or afraid that I would see that expression yet again, on a face where the sneakiest grin fitted the most.

The festival was held in a vast hall, where we usually held a ceremony, gatherings or P.E class whenever it rains or snowfall. It had been decorated pretty spunky for this special occasion - lights off, spotlights dancing around the ceiling, walls, and a casual stage. Troublemaker song by Olly Murs rocked the hall, everyone danced and some of them sang along out loud.

Bunch of gig maniacs flocked to the area around the stage, some stayed to have a chat while watching the whole crowd, enjoying the music as well. I was standing among those people, watching him playing guitar as he sang passionately, jumping here and there. Sweat drenched his black shirt, his veins taut from beneath the thin layer skin of his neck.

He shouted between the lines, "Where the troublemakers at?!!" Everyone including the member of his band pointed their fingers at him. I burst out in amusement, he never ceased to make me entertained.

Trouble, troublemaker yeah that’s your middle name - they sang along while pointed their fingers at him. He grinned and continued singing with a melodious, silvery voice of his. It sounded so smoky, and exciting yet pretty sensual in a weird way. He was greatly appealing up there.

'Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad - whoa,
My mind keeps saying run as fast as you can,
I say I’m done but then you pull me back - whoa,
I swear you’re giving me a heart attack - troublemaker!'

It was a second before the song ended, our eyes met. I poked my tongue at him and grinned. He let out a very cute laugh, bending backwards, covering his eyes. 'What a sweet dork,' I thought.

"Turtle~" He chuckled before leaving the stage to approach me. He hunched his guitar on his back, and pulled me into his arms. "Our turtle crawls back in to where she belongs!" He chimed.

"Yeah, is this where I belong?" I bit his arm playfully, but he didn’t budge, he only pulled me in tighter, "Mhm, for sure," I blushed, thinking that it might be true. True that his arms were the warmest and such a place to feel at ease. "Thank you," I whispered into his ears, throwing my hands around his shoulder, hugging him back daringly, "Thank you so much."


To be continued...


Dear Readers,

I know this chapter is incredibly short, but I promise to give you a long chapter soon. Thanks to you guys.


Comment Replies

JAZZLEIGH and GLAXY I have missed you guys so much, not kidding. And Anne TOO long time no see and thanks for the comment!

For my New Reader, Please allow me to say thank you and God Bless.

Layla - Thanks a bunch Layla, you make me feel better. And I am not amazing. If I am, then it would only take me a day to post the next story which I wish I can...

Naomi - Naomi thanks. Yeah, I know some writers did, that’s why I felt a little bit scared that I might, someday fell into self-depression to the point where I couldn’t write interesting story anymore. BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST!

Sony - Thank you Sony, I agree with you. And thanks for your compliment, I would like to read your story sometimes. If you have time to comment again, make sure to tell me.

Vanessa - Hopefully, happy ending Vanessa. I hope you enjoy characters efforts to achieve their happy ending. Thanks and bless you.

Rehana - Samantha? In love with Russel? Hm... How about Tyler, then? There will be more conflict in next chapters, Rehana. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you.

NightGurl - Thanks a lot NightGurl, bless you.

Lisa - AW, I know, lots of you want Russel for Samantha... but what should I do? *GRIN*

Shivangi - Thank you Shivangi. You are amazing, as well. I have a soft spot for Tyler (which means I like this character) but Russel is my type (lol) so I have a hard time to decide too!! I feel sorry for Samantha *SNICKER*

Jazzleigh - I MISS YUH!! Sorry, can’t help about Tyler being such a loser *LAUGH* he is a good guy though. How have you been, Jazzleigh? Has the other Tyler been good? *WINK* And Hello to your twin brother. See, I won’t make you wait for another year to meet your dearest Russel. THIS YEAR MUST BE a blissful year for me. Since 2012, I haven’t done much to my boring life, lol. #LOVE#

Dakota T - Thank you very much. LOL! You are pretty observant. But that’s not the reason, actually. I just felt like I’m losing... You know, a writing has to be interesting, and attached the readers to the point where they feel like they understand the main character’s feeling. I’m losing the words to describe it little by little. And I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to write a story worth reading. But, I will try my best not to lose my confidence. Thanks a lot and Gos bless you Dakota.

Glaxy - I miss you so much OMG! I love you too Glaxy. How have you been? Thanks for still reading my story, you are awesome girl. Bless you.

Riahsenne - Thank you so much.

Cza - I will, Cza. Thank you so much.

Anne - Hi long time *SIGH* It has been a really LONG TIME lol. I am so sorry, and thank you. This is the next chapter and coming soon!

Maddz - Hats off to your comment! I really appreciate that you like my story. I’m honored! Tyler is Samantha’s unrequited love for five years, and Russel is a guy whose background is still unknown. He has a dark past which hasn’t been revealed yet - he practically avoids being in love since from the former chapters. I emphasized that he didn’t know how to express love in a love song. But he has a soft spot for Samantha. Maybe it would grow into something sweet, or something even complicated. By the way, Thank you so much and God Bless you, Maddz.

Pumpkin - Thank you, Pumpkin. I was working hard on the next chapter. Hope this chapter too meet your expectation. With Love, Mia Cheri.
Published: 1/25/2013
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