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Impossible Love - Chapter Nine

Doubts... they were there from the start of all. Ally and Jasper from the beginning questioned the attraction between them both. They both had reasons to disregard the whole thing... but they didn't. They fell in love with each other... Or did they??
"I know it's you Jasper," she said in the most quietly spoken voice. It was as though she was about to break down on the phone... there was a long pause and she didn't say anything after that.

"Ally, are you still there?"

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***Jasper's POV***

There was still no answer if she was still on the line, but the phone was still connected. She was just silent.

"Ally I'm sorry... I love you Ally... I need you in my life." I said with my heart in my hands. I was pouring with emotions. But she still said nothing.

"I should have told you about my marriage, I was wrong for not telling you, but Ally I knew once I told you about that, you would be out of my life... like what's gonna happen now." I said.
"I just want to let you know that I wasn't trying to fool you into doing anything, I just wanted you."

As I spoke those words I still heard no replies over the phone receiver. Then suddenly before I could say anything again I heard the phone gone dead.

I tried calling her back, all the numbers I had for her. I was like, I was going insane. But I've been here before in this same position. I always put my faith in something I know would never materialize.

Nothing works out for me. It is what it is. I am alone and would always be. This is just the way I will have to pay for the sins I committed in my life. I am not going to call her again. This marked the end of this for me. It's how much a person can withstand. She just don't trust me and don't love me.

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***Ally's POV***

Replaying the last couple of weeks in my mind I was sending myself down a memorable path which wasn't the right place for me. This was the reason I never get close to anyone. The one time I submerge myself to a guy and this is what he does.

I love Jasper, but why? Why did he have to hurt me like this. I was a fool to think that a guy like him could actually be genuinely interested in a person like me. He had an ulterior motive and that was my virginity. I knew it. From the time Jasper and I started talking about sex he would always brings up the fact that I was pure and he wanted to be my first and that I was the blessing God bestowed upon him.

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Coming home from work a little earlier than normal because she wasn't feeling well, Ally took a shower and went straight to bed. Her parents noticed that she was silent and that she wasn't eating and communicating the way she would normally do. Her mother wanted to approach her but she gave her space and time for her to deal with whatever situation she was in. They didn't want to pry on her business too much.

It was 10pm and he was on her mind. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep, she couldn't function.

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"I miss him so much." I said to myself. I looked at my phone and I replayed all the voice messages he left on my phone. I started to cry. I stared at his photos and I just wish things could be different because after it, all I wanted him and I loved him dearly.

He became part of me, the part I could never be. The outgoing, loud, rude, sexy part that was just ripped out from my heart. I cried and cried until every night I would cry myself to sleep.

Weeks passed and I tried my best to avoid seeing Jasper. I would work unusual hours and would sometimes take different trains back home so I wouldn't create an instance for me to see him. As I passed by his building I would glance from afar to see if I see him, but when I walked nearer I would look forward as though I never had a care in the world.

I would also sometimes notice pickups like his pass me by, but I would never look at it. If it was him I wouldn't know, because I just couldn't bear seeing him. I don't know how I would react.

I wish I could hold him, kiss him, hug him again the way we used to. But it's not the way it was meant to be. Jasper was a married man. He hurt me bad by omitting that part of his life to me. I felt ashamed of myself. Like I did something wrong. That I was fooling around with someone else's man. The thought of me wanting him to make love to me was just blood crawling and disgusting. I hated him!

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***Jasper's POV***

After all the days and moments we shared together, she didn't feel anything for me. If she did, she would at least listen and hear me out. It was the weekend after things ended with Ally and me and I started to feel the way I was feeling before when I was now deported. I was lonely and I wanted some attention.

I took my phone and I dialed Leena's number.
"Hello, Jasper stranger why haven't you been returning my calls?" She said when she answered my calls.
"Sorry babe, I've been busy with work." I said. "Can I see you?" I asked. I didn't care anymore. Fuck her if she doesn't want me, there are other people in this world who would.
"Hmmm... babe I wanted to see you for the longest time now." She said. "I'd be there soon." Leena said just before she said goodbye and hung up the phone.

Leena and her son came over and she spent the entire weekend with me. My mind was thinking about her, but the spaces that I was missing in my heart I was fulling it with pleasures my body was demanding. Sex was all I have and was all I wanted from Leena. Be what she is, she was always the one to always be there for me when I was going through my craziness.

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***Ally's POV***

It was almost two months since the parting and I still felt as though I was in the same place I was. I would find myself checking his Facebook profile everyday, ever since the day I deleted him. Some things he left open to public. So I was able to view some of his pictures and posts.

"What is wrong with you?" I was asking myself, checking his Facebook profile. Every time I logged on to my profile his profile was the first thing I would check even before my notifications. I was drowning myself in this deep ocean of pain that I was starting to get depressed.

Lana would occasionally talk about Jasper. She never knew about the thing we had together and she would go on and on about the jokes he would tell her and her coworkers. And how he would hit on all the new girls in the office.

I hated it every time Lana spoke of him. It broke my heart. I would sometimes turn away when she wasn't watching and would wipe the tears that would flow freely from my eyes. I couldn't stop the tears.

"Morning LanaPoo." I said when I entered the train.
"Morning AllyPoo." She replied.

"How are you, what's up?" I asked.
"I'm good, how you been? Haven't seen you for some time? What's going on with you? You always working late or taking different trains... what's up?" She asked concerned.
"I am fine, just have a lot on work to do lately." I said trying to keep a focused look.

"I have some news, I'm getting promoted." She said.
"That's awesome! Congrats." I said hugging her.
"Thanks it was the same position I was telling you about." She said.
She looked at her phone as her phone notified her that she just received a text message from someone. It was one of the girls in her office, letting her know that she wasn't coming out to work.
"Just Natalie not coming out today. Argghhh!" She exclaimed. "I'm fed up with them in that office." "Natalie came in my office the other day and she told me that Jasper got back together with his ex, well they said was his ex but knowing Jasper, he was with her and just ignored her for a while, to trap someone else." Lana said.

At that point I wanted to inquire some more, but I had nothing left in me to persist this. Pretending that he means nothing to me was the worst thing that was destroying me. And to know that I had no one to vent my frustrations was just the icing on the cake for it.

As I reached in my office that day... I went straight to the washroom and I cried and cried... I thought to myself, it was that easy for him to move on, then I was of no worth to him. He didn't even try to amend things... I was having so many ridiculous thoughts that I was blaming him for not fighting for me. I was lost.
Will you read on?
Yes.
No.
Maybe
By
Published: 4/25/2013
Bouquets and Brickbats