Lost Dreams

This is a short writing I wrote about 2 years ago. It really identifies that way I felt during what I believed were my toughest moments in my life. Sometimes when someone believes that something is made for them, that isn't always the case. Thank you for reading.
The amazing sensation of taking those last few deep breaths. As I close my eyes trying to relive every single moment, I open my eyes. The spotlight of the bright shinning four circled lights pointing at me. I look up and notice the shadows of an audience. I speak and say my lines as rehearsed a day before. Walking off the stage, feeling like the only person in the world for those few moments I lived. Oh, the adrenaline. Although it is one single word I swear I felt my blood rushing through my heart and feeling energized. My heart pumping and feeling the dream. Knowing those four years of high school were ending and my dream to one day become an actress will soon come, is truly priceless. All these thoughts and emotions soon would end. The last scene is completed as the audience claps the cast walks out. Bowing because it was an honor to have completed our last high school play. Yes, indeed game over. As my parents await outside the school, I jump with emotion asking how they liked it. Well, the usual. I never heard much but a simple word such as good. The extreme emotions that I felt were so intense.

Knowing that my parents didn't like my extra time going in to a theater class would drive them crazy. Now, imagine the way a couple of parents like mine would react once I told them I was going to apply to an all acting school in New York or Los Angeles. Let's just say that I felt that time would make a difference. And so it didn't, which is why I believe future goals may be based upon the expectations parents have over their children. I felt that I knew what I wanted and my heart was telling me that I was doing the right things. My parents brought me down and drained a drill into my heart. I felt punching bags hitting me in the stomach. The emotions I felt pored upon me like my feet were stuck in hard mud. I couldn't take it. The fact that my parents thought that having a career as an actress and going to an all acting school was crazy, made me feel like I was crazy. Because of this situation, I had to go for advice with my teachers and it made me doubt myself. Perhaps acting wasn't for me. All of this made me worry about making the wrong decision. It made me feel like I was just confused. As if those sweet memories of being on staged disappeared because of my parents. The arguments they would come across with me pushing me to go to a college close to home and study a real career. I felt anger, doubt, threats, negativity, and the worst feeling I have ever felt was losing my strength.

Feeling no more dedication and passion for the dream that lived inside me. I knew I had the patience and I was ready to be challenged but never would I have thought for my parents to be the ones to not support me. The pressure was on for me since everyone from my family never stepped a foot into college. Everyone from my family has gotten married at a young age and never returned to school. I understood the pressure I had. The tension and the fear of a daughter going to college for a degree that wouldn't work for anything but a job as who knows what. I felt a huge amount of pressure on my shoulders. As senior year was ending I would try to pass the negativity as if it didn't even affect me emotionally and physically. I was struggling to find myself and who I really was. The desire of just trying to find my path was killing me inside emotionally. It was certainly not heartwarming to know that my teachers supported me more than my parents ever did. I soon came to realize that going to a community college may help me discover what I wanted to be.

My parents were happy to know I was going to college and getting my mind off acting. They made it clear to me that if I went to college close to home, they would be able to help me financially. But, they also made it clear to me that if I went to an all acting school, they wouldn't be there to help me at all and to not count on them. I was surely not independent at the time and I had no choice. I was lost and had to make the better decision for myself or at least for them. I had to stay and continue with my expectations. Now, I must say I came to realize that parents may influence us to base our dreams on something else that may be more realistic. I understood my parents after coming to a stage were I knew becoming an actress was about impossible. I began to realize the challenges and started to listen to my mind trying to figure out whether my heart really desired this. But, because of the negativity, I found myself. I ended up finding something within me that I'm truly passionate about. Perhaps I like it more than acting?

Yeah I think not. But, let me tell you that after finishing my first challenging year of college I can say I have a dream. I have a career that I want to focus on. The desire of becoming a criminal justice major is intense. As I look back, I remember crying in my room imagining what else can I do in life? Now, as I face reality once again, my parents don't like my career goal. But, let me tell you that I've learned a lot. I will not let my parents influence me in becoming or doing something I don't want to. Because of them, I found a dream within a dream. Deep down acting will always inspire me and be a dream that I once imagined, and my heart can assure you of that. So, maybe it's not so bad to listen to your parent's judgment. Thanks to them I found myself as a person and I won my dedication back and it's surely stronger than ever. I will never let anyone stop me from completing my goals in life. No matter who it is, or what it is because I'm ready for the obstacles.
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Published: 11/23/2016
Bouquets and Brickbats