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Outpour

Raw moment of pain... anyone dealing with alcoholism in your family or closest friends, I understand...
Found myself reciting the words I would confront you with, and saw that my strength was liquidizing into tears.

Many times I would pray that God will heal you,
Save you from this,
So that you could live longer,
Not for me,
But for her,
The love of your life.

I cannot stand the idea of losing you,
And having to carry her already empty heart,
Why?
Why do you have to come back everyday,
With the same look on your face and that distinct scent?

Ready to pour your part 2

Everything, everyone is at peace until,
You open the door and reality sits in the room,
Triple distilled,
Stilled by uselessness,
Having no strength to say stop,
To say how much we fear your sight of your path on your way back home.

Even the words you say, you cannot understand yourself,
I realize that despite all the pain I go through,
This one is most dominant,
I am fine the whole day,
I am in the public the whole day,
But as soon as the late hour dawns,
I immediately cannot even be on the same floor.

I do appreciate all that you do for me,
I appreciate the provision,
But all I want is a relationship,
I will not always remember how much money you gave me,
Because that always flows out.

Material things will burn out,
They are not eternal,
But how you make me feel is eternal,
I want to tell my children one day of you, and your wonders,
But how can I?
How can I tell them that I barely saw you,
That the only time I saw you was with an icy glass of whiskey.

From Monday to Monday,
You said you will stop,
But you haven't,
I can tell them about the hard work you have inspired me by,
But that is all I can say.

What hurts more, is that I see her exhausted,
She is exhausted,
Yet she still loves,
Still plays her role,
She cooks,
Cleans,
Runs errands,
Feeds,
Listens,
Especially listens... to your words that are always on repeat,
But her fight is her silence,
She has no more to say,
To the constant sounds of the ice coming down the ice dispenser.

I see it in her eyes that it sends chills within her soul,
But she knows that she loves you,
You have known each other all your lives,
She knows she loves you,
But she knows she loves us too much,
So she remains silent for us.

Twice I saw her drive out because of you,
Twice I felt like I was going to lose her because of your glass,
Twice I felt like giving up,
I am LUCKY I have God,
Or else I would have given up.

I keep praying for you,
I keep crying for you,
Staying in hope that your liver will be renewed,
Staying in hope that one day you could have a decent conversation with me,
About anything else that is not materialistic.

I'm tired of answering the same questions about my degree,
That is all you know of me,
There is so much to me than that,
2 decades of me has so much to say,
But within 2 minutes of you walking in the door,
I just don't find the point.

Yes I am hurt,
And I am trying to heal,
I need to heal,
But somehow I feel that these tears are not only mine... but hers,
I won't give up,
I wish I could verbalize this to you,
But the mere thought of walking toward you,
Tightens my throat,
And all of a sudden all I want to do is fall and cry,
But I will fall on my knees,
Clasp the floor,
Let my tears pour,
And say...

"My Father in Heaven, Hallowed be Your name, may your kingdom come, may your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us, save us from a time of trial and deliver us from evil, for the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory are yours now and forever...

And Father... Please help my dad to stop drinking.

Amen."
By
Published: 7/2/2013
Bouquets and Brickbats