Pain, If I Could Forget Again - Chapter 12

Some love between all tension.
For the next three days I could not talk to Linds properly, after all I had clearly remembered that I had this girlfriend and as much I realized from the dream and what Andrew said, I was definitely in so much love with her. I was very sure that now love was no more, but still something inside me was burning, burning slowly. For the first time I was feeling very guilty, some part of me knew that there was a big reason why out of all people I loved, I remembered her first.

My fingers were trying their best to straighten the lines which made their way to my forehead, not to mention, along with the terrific headache. Then I heard some footsteps nearing, probably some customer had come. Despite all my battle, I knew I had to attend the customer. Pushing myself from the chair I looked up with a fake smile. There was a girl who seemed like she wanted to say something to me.

"May I help you?" I asked with the best smile perhaps.

"Um hi, I am Briana, Andrew is not in his seat?" How did she know Andrew? Probably she was some old customer. I looked down and saw that Andrew was not in his seat, probably he went to restroom.

"Andrew will be back in a minute, which book you need?"

"No, I don't need any book. I... I was actually working here with my... husband. We thought of joining back, so I... came to meet Andrew."

"Oh yeah, I remember, Andrew was talking about you two. Where is James?"

"He is just parking the car, will be here in a sec," I just nodded and then we could hear someone calling Andrew's name. That was James for sure. At the same time Andrew was back from the restroom, they both hugged each other and smiled. I followed Briana to downstairs.

They all started talking about how was their honeymoon and all. They seemed very happy together. I was making small conversation while the trio laughed a lot. They got to know about me and I also got to know that Briana will be back to work, but James has got job in some Newspaper agency. At least the workload would be reduced. Mark was always there to help, but he came only by 3 pm.

While we all were talking, the door opened and the wind chime jingled, I could instantly know who it was. It was always the same feeling when she came through the door, without looking I knew she was there. I had been talking very less to her for last three days, which I knew was unfair to her, but I was in a battle with myself, where it seemed like either way I lose.

"Hi Briana, hi James, how are you two?" She gave this big smile which was melting my heart. Once she was done hugging the newly married and asking their whereabouts, she turned towards us.

"Hi Andrew, hi Carson," she spoke timidly, probably she thought that I was angry with her, oh no, the last time we met was when those boys and I had fight, I still had the bruise. She might be feeling bad for that or something. I looked at her continuously while she gazed down or tried to engage herself in talking with James and Briana.

"Carson!" I turned my head towards Andrew, who perhaps was looking at me all this time. "Now that James and Briana are here, we will catch up with old times and if anybody comes they can help me here. Why don't you drop Linds at home?" James and Briana eyed me and Linds alternatively, like they could understand that there was some tension.

"No I have got the car. So it's okay, he ne-" I cut her in middle before she could finish her sentence.
"It would be my pleasure." Linds looked surprised for a moment, and soon a smile broke through her lips and off we went outside.

It was this time in Nixon where normally it gets a little windy, so once we got out of the car, Linds stayed close to me, which kept both of us warm. We went to some diner and had sandwich and juice. Then we decided to just have our little talk which was so necessary, so we went to a park.

Now there was an awkward silence, all the time we were driving or having food, the radio and the food kept us busy, but now there was nothing to distract, I had to talk about my different behavior, but I did not know where to start.

"Are you upset with me?" She suddenly asked bringing me out of my dilemma.

"No, why?" I asked a bit confused.

"You were anyway hurt and also got into a fight because of me. I have no connection with them, they just appeared out of..."

"Lindsay..." I held her hand and looked at her bright eyes which had now started to water. I sighed knowing it was my fault to make her cry. I could not even know how to handle these things. Of course, I made my mom cry so many times when I denied meeting them in the jail, but back then I was different.

"Look at me Linds." She looked up with teary eyes. "Linds, I don't know how to explain it. Going through memory loss is much more difficult than you can even imagine. Bit by bit things are coming to my mind. That day I had a vision while fighting with those guys and later that night I had a dream. I dreamed that I had... "I paused for a moment and looked at her, her eyes were still boring into mine, seeking for what I dreamed.

"I dreamed that I had a girlfriend." Her eyes immediately tensed, her body stiffened, I knew this was going to happen, but I had to tell the truth somehow.

"Linds, I have not known anything about her in six years, now suddenly I remembered her. In fact, I never remembered anything in the past six years, after coming here.. After meeting YOU, I am starting to remember things."

Her eyes softened, which made me relaxed a bit.

"She must have moved on Carson. Six years are a long time." She answered me everything before even I could ask.

"Thanks Linds, I needed to hear that from you." She nodded understanding.

"But.." She hesitated before speaking, which was making me a little afraid. "Um, do you love her?"

Here came the most difficult question.

"Linds, I will not lie to you, whatever I dreamed, it seemed like I was madly in love with her. But I can't say that I am still in love with her. I mean, I can't even remember anything more. So... I guess, no I am sure I don't love her."

"What if after some days when you get back all your memory, you realize that you love her?" I could feel her heart beating wildly while asking me this.

"That will never happen, Linds."

"How can you say?"

"I know."


"I love you Linds." She was awestruck for a moment, her jaws hanging in the air, but her eyes shined with happiness. She was speechless for some minutes until I went and put a finger under her jaw.

"I am sorry." She said looking down embarrassed.

"Sorry that I love you?" Suddenly I was in a mood to tease her.

"No, I mean.." She was suddenly shy.

"So..." Nervousness crept on my neck, some answers were pending.

"I love you too." And just like that my whole day brightened and happiness flooded through every corner of my heart.

The next two hours we just... okay, we mostly kissed each other. Soon it was time to come back. We had dinner; I dropped her at her apartment, where we again kissed. Her car I had already parked in the garage, so after the final goodbye kiss, I came back to catch some taxi.

I was walking till I got a taxi, when I spotted four guys coming from the distance. As I eyed them, I knew those were the same four whom I had fought. I did not want to pick a fight even though every bone in my body ached to punch them right in their faces, so I just kept walking as if I had not seen them. They soon crossed me, I could smell alcohol the moment they crossed me.

Before I put one more step, someone tapped me on the shoulder. Suddenly anger shot through my body, I had decided "you make one move, and I will make sure to break that ugly nose of yours." But nothing of that sort happened when I turned back.

He was smiling; the one who was the tallest of the four.

"Ain't you the same guy?"

"Yes, the same guy who hit you." I looked at him like I was ready for a move.

"Ah, I still have the pain." He touched his jaw and made a face like he was remembering the scene.

"What do you want? Another fight?" It seemed like I was inviting the fight, but I was angry, after all they had tried to hurt Linds, the same way those guys had tried to hurt the girl in my dreams.

Everything seemed connected suddenly. Things were repeating here, well somewhat. That was why I was able to remember things. The doctors also said that if the environment repeated, I might remember everything. Yes, that was it.

"Listen Mr..." He exaggerated the "r" which clearly showed how drunk he was. I wondered how he was even managing to talk.


"Okay, Carson. I am sorry. We all are." He turned to the other three boys who just nodded supporting whatever he was saying, as if they were still sane to understand what this guy was talking.

"I mean we did not want to hurt you or her." He gulped down another chunk of bear from the can which he was holding. "It's just..."

"It just happened man, we really are sorry." One of the other guys spoke, who seemed to be in a better position than others, but nevertheless, he was also drunk. He came forward and pushed tall guy aside.

"Hi Carson, I am Jay, this is Brandon and he is.."

"Josh, I remember." I completed the sentence. I had a feeling like things like this also had happened, may not be exactly like this, but I felt like some other people also said sorry to me, in fact I had a feeling like I had been fooled that time by their fake sorries.

"We should hang out some time, yeah. You know, just like friends, we, you, and Miss Voice." I clenched my jaws at the mention of her name in this way, he took a step back after getting my deadly glare.

"Whoa, whoa, it's just that she used to sing, so we called her Miss Voice." I started to move forward and he staggered backward colliding with his other friends. "Okay... okay... Lindsay."

I felt like I was being trapped, like it had already happened in the past. I could not avoid the strong feeling, but this time I was NOT letting it happen.

"So, you want to hang out huh!"

"Yeah," he made his eyes big in an attempt of keeping them open.

"Really!" He nodded and a mischievous smile appeared on his face. I dragged him by his collar and said between gritted teeth "You dare touch her or say anything about her, I will make sure you don't get up from bed for a week minimum."

Suddenly his hands jerked me away and he came rushing towards me, I was in no mood to just watch, I also lurched myself towards him. Soon I started delivering punches on his stomach, his other friends came rushing and we literally had a one-to-four fighting until we all heard the sirens of the Police vehicle. I knew I could run away and these guys are too drunk to do that. But instead, I did a small plan.

I started running towards the sound of the siren, soon two Policemen arrived in the Police car. I went running to them and told them that some guys were trying to rob me; they had fled the scene anyway, so these two just asked me if I were alright and then let me go. I started searching for a taxi and the policemen went away. If they found the four, they were bound to be charged or even jailed, I felt happy thinking that.

The taxi dropped me at my doorstep. After paying him I went inside the house and found out that Andrew was already sleeping and the lights were out. I marched towards my room straight, finally relaxed. I definitely needed that love, to save me from my misery. I had not confessed my love to Linds, but it just flowed out naturally. Anyhow, it helped relax in a great way. I removed my clothes and got into my bed only in my boxers.

Soon I fell asleep, until the torturous dreams evaded my peace again.
Published: 9/22/2014
Bouquets and Brickbats