If anybody on the next morning would ask why I was disturbed, then I could easily tell that I dreamed about the guys trying to fool me by their fake apologies and I got fooled. But the point was I had not dreamed about what I did or what they made me do after fooling me. All I saw was they came to me and said their sorries to which I was flattered somehow and agreed to make them my friends again. And then they called me to hang out with them for my birthday.
I even dreamed that I was not too happy to spend my birthday night with them, but why - I did not know. There was one thing certain, most of the time when I had those little memory attacks or had my vision, mostly police was involved. Well it was not too confusing considering I was in jail. But then there was another thing which had started to disturb me. Why did all the memory dreams consist of that girl and things related to that girl?
Why could not I dream about my friends or parents or my sister Jessie. Why could not I dream about Andrew? I had been living with him for months now, I had been talking with my parents daily, but why all these people never came to my dreams. The answer was almost on my lips but I was not able to get it.
"Hey Andrew," Briana's voice brought me back from my ocean of thoughts. I merely respond to her. After Briana came here, the workload had reduced marginally. And soon, Mark's summer break was starting, he was supposed to go somewhere in the summer, so it would again increase. But that "soon" was still a month away. I had some time to think of all these.
I was arranging some books in their respective departments and Briana went away to another rack to do the same while making small talks. I busied myself in my work, reading the covers of the books occasionally when suddenly I could understand why nobody else came to my memory, but only her.
Nothing triggered me to think like that, but it just came to my mind that, definitely the reason which led me to prison was somehow linked to the girl. Because the one thing that I had been thinking the most was, what I did which forced me to six years in a six into six cell. I had not been thinking about my parents or anybody else for that matter. And to add to that, as I had already thought of, Lindsay's face somehow matched with the girl from my dreams.
I guessed I had not really given much importance to my family in the last few months. Of course I talked to mom and dad every day, but had I called even once. Every time it was mom or dad who called on my phone, I never did. Had I tried to think about how my sister had hated me when I was in my house, even for that one day? Had I tried to think that there were mixed emotions when I left home? The answer was NO. Of course I didn't.
"...even listening?" Briana's fingers were snapping in front of me. I was zoning out again. This was not good. If I did not find the truth soon, I was sure to be put into a mental hospital this time.
"Sorry, I was spaced out."
"I got that, anyway what I was saying is, new stocks are ready to arrive, are you going or Andrew?"
"Um I think I will be going."
"Oh, then you are starting tomorrow morning then."
"No, in the afternoon."
Later in that evening when Linds came, I had tried my best to act normal and I succeeded. We were just roaming around the bookshop as it was time for Linds to leave.
"So tomorrow when I come, you will not be here?" She asked looking up at me.
"Nope." I tightened my grip around her waist and pulled her towards me.
"That's fine, but you know my apartment comes on the way."
I smiled. "We will see."
The next afternoon when I started from the bookshop, it was a bit cloudy, but I didn't care anyway, because rain in that season was so unusual it won't happen. Probably the day itself was unusual. Once the books were loaded into the trunk of the car and the whole back seat - below and above, I went to pay for the books. Once I finished payment and marched towards the car, big water droplets started to pour down on me.
I ran to my car, but still became wet. Closing all the windows properly, the first thing I made sure was - the books were okay. I decided to drive even if it was starting to rain heavily and already evening. But midway it was raining really bad and I was not able to see the road even till ten feet. Then I realized I could just go to Linds' house which was hardly half a mile away.
I drove safely to her apartment, but unfortunately the gate to the parking was closed due to extensive rain. So, I came out of the car soaking myself to the bone and called for the security. After telling him that I had to meet Lindsay, he opened the gate and let my car park there. Finally when I reached at Linds' door, water was dripping from my cloth, my hair and my whole body. Lindsay took some time to open the door after I called her on the mobile, but I stood there patiently even if I were freezing.
"Oh my God, you are dripping wet, come inside." She literally dragged me inside and hurried to her bedroom while I started removing my shoes and socks. She hurried back to me with two thick towels.
"Come on, dry up yourselves and give me your clothes." I looked at her for a moment and then she seemed to realize that in turn I was going to be naked. After some moment of awkward silence, she said, "You can change to your own clothes once they are dry."
I nodded and she left me to make some coffee for both of us. I went into the bathroom, took a small hot shower, put my clothes in the dryer and came back in two towels - one wrapped around my waist and other hanged around my shoulder.
Linds was putting two coffee mugs on the table near the couch. We had our coffee and moments later started watching a movie, Linds snugged close to me. Once the movie was over, there was literally nothing to do. The rain had stopped but it was late night and honestly I had no intention to leave. So the obvious was bound to happen.
We entered in her bedroom in a lip-locked state and soon both were out of our clothes. Well, she - her clothes and me - just the towels. Moments later, on her bed we lost each other in a world of ecstasy. It felt so right, so nice, so blissful. It was after so long time that I was sleeping in someone's arms. Soon, we both drifted off to sleep.
I put all my effort to open my eyes and it was still dark, dark like evil. The wind was so cruel, had it not been behind the walls, I would have definitely not been able to see. Soon the door was closed and I found myself in a calmer place, but yet it was no less than dark. A small light illuminated the room, the dirty room.
There was the girl again, sleeping naked. But she looked so disturbed, even in her sleep you could identify she was being mentally tortured; probably she was watching a bad dream. But she looked so seductive; any man could forget his gentle-man-ness. I was lulled towards her and soon enough we indulged ourselves in lovemaking. Well, it more looked like I was the one involved, because she looked like she was sleeping... Unconscious.
Suddenly there were so much laugh, the whole room was laughing. People's faces started coming out of the dark, like twinkling stars, but they all were devilish. They all were laughing on me, but what did I do. Anger shot up through me boiling my blood. First they evaded a space which was supposed to be private for me and my girlfriend, and now they were laughing on me, as if it was a sick joke.
I tried to reach all of them, any of them, but just could not hold any. How much ever I tried, I could not. Each time I approached the torturous feeling, each time I tried to see who it was, it vanished. Finally when I could not do anything, I shouted at the top of my lungs, rising above the hush sound of the rough wind. For a moment all the sounds died down and everything became dead silent, silent like - just a storm was going to come.
Soon enough, everything changed, the whole scene changed, the girl was nowhere to be found, the faces had disappeared, I was not in the room, the one thing that accompanied was - the wind, harsh and monotonous wind, splashing against my cheeks as I was driving like a maniac. My eyes were enough blurred to see anything in front of me. The fuel was the only thing that seemed to move the vehicle.
It was like I was running from something, running for my life, selfish life. So many times my head snapped backwards just to see if they were close enough. Suddenly I turned left, unaware of where it would lead me. And to my misfortune, I found myself in between big and long trees, flowing along with the wind. My vehicle found its way in between the standing figures and my eyes kept looking back until it was too late - too late to realize that there was a bang.
Next thing I knew - me, lying on something soft and green, the green soon changing to maroon or black, mixed with the pure lusty red of my blood. My eyes were closing to all vision, but the ears were alert, some distant sound of siren could be heard and they were finally reaching me, close to me, close and close and gone.
I woke up with a thud, sweating like the shower, the whole room started spinning and all faces from my dream started appearing in front of me in a whirlwind. So many voices, so many faces, so many emotions were playing in my head, causing the headache to cross its limit. My heart was pounding like it was it my hands already.
"Carson, wake up baby, please..." My mother wailing.
"Carson, Carson, we are here, nothing is going to happen, you will be alright." My father said.
"Carson..." My sister with sobbing sound.
"Ha ha ha." Some people, probably the same three guys.
"Hold on, hold on a minute. We are there almost." Some unknown voice.
Some footsteps of running people, wind, glasses, metals - so many sounds, made me dizzy and it felt like I was dying, it felt like everything was going to finish, finally my end had come. That was it? No, No, No - I could hear myself whispering until another sharp pain crossed through my mind and everything stopped. Silence. Serene. And now the real storm was coming towards me, cause all of a sudden, all the past came flooding down carrying all my memory into my head.
Pain, If I Could Forget Again - Chapter 13The Dreams Work.
By Lucy Lucy