Pain, If I Could Forget Again - Chapter 4

Whatever was happening to me was totally new and yet familiar. Slowly I recognized what was there in my heart - A pain, I lately recognized. Things are going out of control and before it could be worse, something is decided for Carson.
Problem Started Already

In a small place like Tehachapi, I guessed many people knew our family. Probably that was why there were so many people in my house when I reached there. I saw there were some women talking to my mother and in a bit harsh way. From the distance where I was standing, I could see everything clearly, but I was not able to hear anything.

I moved a little closer and stood near the door. They obviously had not noticed that I was standing there, because basically they were talking about me. I did not know who these people were. In fact, only two people were talking with my mom and others were just listening.

All I could understand from their talk was - the two women were a bit angry and probably I had done something wrong to them. But that was the first time I ever saw them. A total of five women were there, I did not know why they were altogether here charging my mother.

Before I could scratch my head more to understand about them, one of them had noticed me. The lady, who looked to be in her forties and trying to make herself look at least thirties, just kept looking at me. The amount of makeup she had applied on her face would have been enough for ten ladies. Unwillingly a smirk played on my lips and it only resulted in more anger which was evident on her face. I raised my eyebrows and she turned to my mother while I entered the house.

"What if he repeats it again..." I was not able to get what they were saying. Though it angered me a bit that they were talking nastily to my mother, but I still decided to stay out of the elderly talks. So I hurried to my room and locked it from inside before my temper was out of control. As their loud noise was trying to get into my ears, I grabbed the pillow and put it on my ears trying to block all the non-sense.

But after some time, it was out of my control. I stormed out of my room to show them their level.

"No, he has changed, can't you see he is not the same. What he did six years before was not intentional. He was never bad and now also he is a good person. Can't you see?" My mom was trying to defend her and me. The thought that I had done something terribly wrong, bothered me for a second, but it evaporated the next moment.

"Shut up you all." I yelled moving towards them. "Get the hell out of here or I might kill all of you here." I scolded at the top of my lungs. It just overpowered all their voices.

All eyes were wide for some time, but my eyebrows were done inwards in rage. My mom came towards me, shock was quite evident from her face, and obviously she would not have expected me to behave this way. Just now she was talking about how I had changed and all, though I was exactly not sure whether I changed. But the way I blasted just now, just did not match to what she was saying seconds before.

"We just saw how much he has changed." One of the ladies said looking at my mom and me alternatively, and then headed towards the door and others just followed. When they were out of the house, I turned towards my mom who was still looking at me horrified and shocked. I had nothing to say to her, basically nothing. I neither wanted to console her, nor did I want to tell any convincing words to her.

She didn't speak anything, but she had not dropped her gaze. Finally I looked away and moved towards my room, but before opening the door, my eyes automatically wandered towards my sister's room up the stairs. She was standing there, dressed up nicely in a pink blouse and a black skirt, as if she was supposed to go outside. But she had the same look in her face - hatred, rage, and disgust. It pained me again to see my sister hating me so much.

She immediately dropped her gaze and turned on her heels towards her room. I sighed and went inside my room and locked myself until there was a knock which was a call for dinner. I remembered the dinner I was getting in my cell in prison. Remembering the lunch, I could tell this dinner also must have been delicious like the lunch. But the incidents which happened in the evening were playing in my mind and I was not so excited for dinner.

Anyway I decided to go for dinner, as expected my sister was not there at the table. My mom and dad accompanied me for dinner, which was relatively silent. After dinner I straight went to my room without any "good night" to anyone, though I got a good night kiss on my cheek from my mother as a response of my silence.

Sleep was far away, I felt as if something was hunting me. At a faint moment, I thought whether I could go and ask my parents about what exactly I had done so that people hated me so much. Probably in the prison, I was told about what I had done, but the memory has fainted. Finally without my consciousness, sleep overtook my thoughts and I retired for the night.

The next morning I woke up early in the morning to see no one was awake in the house. I checked out the rack and took some track pants and a loose t-shirt. After brushing my teeth and doing the morning chores, I put on those clothes and set out for a run. In the prison, exercise was a daily activity for me. I would work out with whatever was possible but here probably I needed to search for a gym.

I ran to wherever possible and finally saw a park where jogging tracks were there. After doing 10 laps of the round, I was tired and slowed down. I was sweating badly, when out of nowhere, suddenly a strong fist pushed me backwards with so much force that I fell down. Heat ran through my whole body and my face was burning, I could feel the starting of a bruise.

As I managed to get up and find out what or who had caused it, I saw two guys running away. I yelled behind them, but nobody listened. People hated me this much - how could I live in this town?

I was so tired, so did not run behind them. I touched my face slowly where it was hurting and tried to drain out the anger that was building up in me. Slowly I started running again and this time straight towards the home.

When I reached home, again some shouting was going on. This time it was not outsiders, they were insiders arguing. My sister was roaring, again I waited outside to hear what was happening.

"It's because of him that my friends denied coming over here. He is ruining everything." I heard my sister saying.

"But he is your brother." My mom was trying to calm her down.

"Brother? What brother? Because of him I will lose everything, my friends, my reputation, everything." She yelled and turned to find out me standing at the door. She gritted her teeth and stormed into her room.

I was standing there watching all of this. My mom had an apologetic and sympathetic look on her face. My dad's face had gone red, like somebody in tension. I did not know what my face showed. I had managed to hide my bruise with the small towel I had taken. What could I do in that situation? All were unhappy because of me and I didn't remember anything. How pathetic?

I didn't know why, but more than my parents, it was my sister who was hurting me. I might have loved her too much before losing my memory. Shrugging my discomfort away, I marched towards my room and locked myself again.

At this time, the best thing I could do was shower. I allowed the cool water run through my body and wanted the water to clean all impurities, but it did not. But at least it helped me a lot. Once I was out of the shower, my mom called me for breakfast, her face still looked pained. I just said no for the breakfast and decided to stay inside my room.

A number of thoughts were running in my mind in different routes and directions, but none was reaching the destination. It was at least better in prison, where I did not have to deal with anybody. I didn't know how much time I sat on my bed, allowing my brain to function in the weirdest way possible. At last I decided that I would have to know about my past, I had to ask my parents about it. I was about to go to them when a knock on my door brought me into my senses.

"Can I come in?" It was my dad; at least I could remember his voice. When I opened the door my mother was also standing behind him. They both came in as I moved towards my bed and sat near me. They were a little worried seeing my bruise, but I managed a lie that I fell down and they just agreed.

It seemed like they were still afraid of me, but what made me impatient was that I could not read what was possibly so wrong, that they were sitting silently in my room while somebody could say their hearts were crying. It made me sick and when I could not take it anymore, I decided to break the silence.

"Is there anything you wanted to tell?" I asked looking at my dad, whose face had gone pale. I could catch small tears pricking at my mom's eyes. Now it was starting to kill me from inside. My dad was holding some paper, which looked like a ticket.

"What is it?" I asked focusing on the ticket.

Finally my dad spoke up.

"Carson, as much we want you to come back to us, remember us, stay with us and love us, but we think it's better if you go and stay with your uncle..." He said with a very pained voice. I understood every word he said and every word he did not say. My mom came to me and hugged me. I could hear her sobs.

"This is your ticket. Your train is at 11 pm in the night. It's a 7 hour journey. Come, have lunch with us." My dad said and moved out of my room holding mom in his arms.

I was dumbstruck, but I had completely understood their situation. They did not want to see me go through the hatred of everyone. Even I did not want them to get into trouble because of me, so I knew it was necessary for me to go away from them.

After the lunch, I went straight to my room and my mom followed. She started doing the packing for me and I was watching her. There were uncategorized emotions in my heart. All the time, I just watched her until she said she was going to pack some dinner for me. I could see how hard she tried to hide her tears. When she went out, I caught a glance of my sister who was standing in front of my door and watching both of us. Obviously, I had not noticed when she came, but when I looked at her she quickly turned back and left the place. But I had already seen the painful worries on her face. As if she wanted to tell a lot of things, but did not tell.

Once everyone was out of my room, I took out the ticket, which I had put below the pillow. Holding the ticket in my hand, I just stared at it and I realized a small tear was starting to wet my cheek. Whatever was happening to me was totally new and yet familiar. Slowly I recognized what was there in my heart - A pain, I lately recognized.

Probably a lot of pain was still waiting to be recognized by me. Unwillingly, I was supposed to welcome all that pain.


Author's Note

Hey all, hope you are liking this story, if you don't like, please let me know. I might think of writing it other way or something. And if you have not noticed yet, then I just want to tell you that 'Short Story Basket' is updated with Story 6. Please have a look and let me know what you think of the story.


Comment Replies

@Anshita - I am so happy that my story could inspire you to write and the suspense will stay in the air for a long time. After all he has lost his memory.

@XXscenegurlXx - I am just fond of cliffhangers. And I am trying so hard to write SP, but can't find time. But I'll do it soon.

@Tamika - Well, I am not going to give any clue here or the story will be ruined. And you will find out a lot of things which you had not expected. His past will be something that will bother you for a long time.

@Mahak - Well, we have to wait to know about his past. Let's wait and see where it goes.

@Soul Searcher - Right, he has not yet developed the feelings completely, but he has started to feel. And I hope you are alright now, get well soon. I am trying so hard to update 'Strictly Professional', please bear with me.
Published: 11/9/2012
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