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Pain, If I Could Forget Again - Chapter 9

Accepting the pain.
I always knew this girl was something else, I had a feeling she would bring out something which I had been probably dreading from ages. I exactly didn't know what was that which I feared so much, from that day onwards I started staying away from her. But that was something which I remembered from my past. I guessed doctors were right about bringing back my memory. They had said if I got to stay in a familiar environment like before then I would get back my memory.

What was familiar in all this? Was it something to do with Lindsay? It was definitely a link to my past. I knew that I had lost my memory from an accident, but what the accident was like - I got to know that day. It scared me to death even thinking about the vision about my accident - it was deadly.

Everything about my accident was still not clear to me. I thought about how the accident happened and that just left me with so many unanswered questions? The girl from my vision? The distant sounds? The fear that someone was chasing me? Why was I driving so fast? Who I was running from? These questions had hunted me day and night for so many days.

I stopped talking to Linds after that. She had witnessed everything that happened that day and before I could realize that it was like a daydream, she had bombarded me with so many questions. I was still with lots of pain and I did not like her questions at all. It irritated me so much that I scolded her and she was literally in tears. I felt bad for her, but not at that moment. I was still recovering from the shocking accident, so I just dropped her at home and came back to the shop. Andrew was about to close the shop and soon we had left for home.

One week had passed and I had successfully avoided Linds. Though at times, I would glance towards her, but whenever she crossed my path, I would take a diversion. I knew she felt bad, but for me she almost seemed like bad news. I meant if my memory, my past was so bad to remember then it was definitely bad that somehow because of her, my memory was coming back. But should not I be grateful to her for that?

"Carson!" Andrew's voice brought me back to reality. Looking up, my eyes met with a concerned uncle. He bent down a little and turned the book upside down. Then only I realized that I was holding the book in the opposite way, while I had no intention in reading it.

"Y-Yes Andrew." I looked down to my book pretending to read it when I heard him sigh heavily. It was a Sunday and after having breakfast, I was trying to read some book.

"Carson, I understand how you are feeling, but sooner or later this had to happen I guess."

"About what?" I was still not ready to talk about it to him.

"I know everything Carson, but as you know..." He sighed again "Doctor had said that if the incidents repeat, then you will be able to get your memory back."

"Linds told you?" He nodded. Though I knew the answer, but I still had to ask him.

"Point is not whether she told me or not, but why are you not talking to her at all anymore?"

"I don't know."

"What you don't know?"

"I don't know anything. I don't know why I had to see things which were not happening at the moment. With her, my memory is coming back. That day when I suddenly stopped driving, it was because I saw an accident of our car. Whereas when I opened my eyes, there was nothing. Clearly it was my memory coming back." I had raised my voice and got up from my chair. After yelling so many things at once when I turned back to Andrew, he was as calm as ever, as if my outburst didn't bother him a bit.

"Isn't that a good thing?" He looked up to meet my eyes and the question immediately softened me. He looked like he knew everything about my vision; I had not told even Lindsay who had witnessed it all. Sure she must have told about how I acted, but she would not have known about my vision and why I stopped in the middle of nowhere.

But the thing I pondered about was - was not it good that she made me remember my past, but it was so scary. I sat down on the chair and ran my finger in my hair, my head bent down. I felt exhausted after the entire outburst. Unintentionally, some tear drops escaped my eyes. Those were not sad tears, but sometimes you could cry if you are angry or afraid.

"It frightens me." I managed to say, though my voice came out broken. There was a pause in my breath and in his voice for a long time before he spoke.

"Look son, I know your past..." He took a long breath before speaking. "Your past was not as pleasing as it could have been. But that was when it all happened, before it all happened yours was a nice and happy life. Believe me you lead a life with no worries."

"But I can't remember anything like that. All I can relate is devastation." I said still looking down. My head was throbbing like a hammer.

"See, when you can start remembering the bad part, then the good part is also on its way."

"Why can't you tell me all by yourself? You must know everything no?" Raising my voice again I looked up to meet his eyes, the tears had not dried yet. He still seemed calm like he understood everything I said and everything I had not said.

He came near me and soothed my shoulder, it felt good to be cared at this moment.

"I can tell you everything, but will you be able to believe and absorb everything I tell you?" He paused for an answer, but I could not think of anything. Of course he was right; I could not simply believe something told about my life. I was so torn in between me and my thoughts. Thankfully Andrew spoke before my head burst.

"Remember how you reacted when your mom and dad told you that they were your parents? You did not believe them right? You became irritated right? So, let it come to you piece by piece, one day you will remember everything." He patted my back and left me to ponder over.

Quite true. I had to wait till I remembered everything. But now I was determined to find out about my past.

Let me get over all this at once. I can't take the pain for so many days - the sooner the better.

I knew I had to get to know the truth and I had to overcome my fear, after all it was a part of my life. I decided to do anything in my capacity to remember my past - even if it included being friends with Linds. There was silence until I spoke again.

"I understand Andrew." Without looking also, I could know Andrew was smiling.

"Talk to her. You have been giving her silent treatment from that day onwards and she is actually..." I looked up to see what was taking him so long to continue.

"Well, she is quite afraid of you now. I mean she is thinking possibly there is some mistake from her side."

"But, she was no way involved." I was a little surprised to see that she was thinking it was her mistake.

"Well, I told her that it must be a memory thingy, but she is not yet convinced. To add to that, you are avoiding her too much."

"Hmmm," I nodded understanding "Probably, I should go and talk to her."

"Great idea!" He now dragged a chair next to me and excitedly said, "Why don't you take her on a date today?"

"What?" That was not my intention.

"Come on, I know you like her." He got up from the chair and went to the fridge to grab some juice. I could not tell anything for some reason. I knew I was supposed to say something, but just could not say anything.

"Okay, let's say it in this way. Now you owe her some explanation, right?" He looked at me for an answer and I nodded.

"Then, if you take her on a date, try to talk her and all, she might be happy. What you think?"

I smiled knowing where it is going, but I anyway nodded. Soon I left for my room and noted that it was already ten in the morning. If I had to take her on an unplanned date, then I better should inform her. But it would be awkward to talk to her suddenly after not talking for a week. Not that we talked every day, but that one day with her seemed like we knew each other for so long.

Somehow I called her and pushing the awkwardness I managed to say sorry for not talking and all and finally convinced her to hang out with me. Choosing some good outfit was not on my mind, but then probably that's kind of custom, you could say. So I chose the best t-shirt I had and a gray jeans. I was satisfied with the way I looked. Reaching at her apartment, I thought this was going to be a long day.

Opening the door to her house, she revealed herself in a light pink dress, which suited her quite well. She really looked beautiful. It was a bit awkward at the starting, but slowly the awkwardness faded.

"Um, Carson, Can I ask you something?" She asked while we were sitting in a park and having ice cream. Her question shocked me a bit and though it was not something which I liked to acknowledge, but the question seemed to bring bad things. Anyhow, I nodded signaling her to go ahead.

"Do- do you... I mean you don't remember anything?" What was the point in asking such a thing, it was clear enough that I did not remember anything. Controlling my anger, which had started to build up, I nodded a NO.

"Nothing at all?" Now this was really irritating.

"No, nothing at all and you know that already. Why do you ask again?" I was successful to hide the uneasiness in my voice and replied in a preferably calmness.

"Did you have a girlfriend?"

"Lindsay, I already told and you already know that I don't remember anything. How can you expect me to remember if I had a girlfriend or not? Can't you understand this simple thing?" This time irritation was clear in my voice.

"Okay, okay, I am sorry; I didn't mean to make you angry. It's just that..." She avoided my eyes.

"It's just what?"

"Nothing, I won't ask like this anymore." She turned to look at me with a smile playing on her lips. Suddenly it made me calm and I also dropped the subject, but could not speak anything more.

"Well, which flavor you like?" She suddenly asked. I looked at her bewildered.

"I mean ice cream?" I laughed at her power to change my mood suddenly; she really had got some effect on me.

After that day we went on some more dates and every time it was beautiful. Now the thought had escaped my mind that, "I am with her, so that I could remember my past". I had actually started falling for her and she also was probably feeling the same way. I could sense that.

Now, I was friends with these people who actually cared for me and I also cared for them - Andrew, Mark and Linds. Everything was going great until one day we accidentally met some of Lind's college friends.

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Comment Replies

Maggie Cyrus - Hey, this is another chapter, hope you like it. Please comment.

Anshita - Thanks, I hope this one amuses you too.

Smilesss - What you think about this one?

Tushar - Sorry, I am late, but here is the next chapter. Hope you like it.

Rohan - Sorry for late post, hope you like this.
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Published: 3/13/2013
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