I want to learn,
I want to learn how to let go of the place I secretly called home,
I secretly called it home because I did not want to offend my mother,
By openly saying I am going home,
And that place is not where she resides.
I want to learn how to leave this comfort zone,
To immerse myself into the new,
The dream that sits in front of me,
Reaching for its lap feels like I have to take a huge leap.
I would like to learn how to heal,
To gain understanding of the process,
And how long it takes for it to happen.
Is there some calculation or matrix,
Depending on the magnitude of the hurt,
The length of the healing process will be determined,
That makes sense in my head,
But my heart doesn't buy it,
My heart tells me that there is no time-bound,
Manually-written measurable way to understand healing.
It’s as if one moment it can feel,
Like it has reached that point of victory,
Until you are faced with,
The same tiger-faced problem that ripped you apart,
It’s as if your heart was born marred,
Because to remember what it was like,
When it was whole feels like a lifetime ago.
I want to learn how to let go,
To remove my fingertips from the memories,
Because memories are meant to be,
Reflected on once in a while,
In the rear-view mirror whilst moving forward.
Not for fixing our eyes there,
And find ourselves actually reversing,
To a moment that keeps moving further away,
It is hard to reach,
It is a memory,
Something we see,
But is no longer there,
So it is in our minds,
Not in the flesh.
I want to learn how to live life,
With the excitement of today and not tomorrow,
To be amazed by my current breath,
To be astounded by the movement of my feet along the pathways,
To be pleased by my current thoughts of right now,
I don’t want to constantly wait for better,
That supposedly is wrapped by tomorrow,
Let my present be my gift,
Let my now be my wow,
Let Me be Free.