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Seasons of Life

Life, relationships, pain, happiness and choices...
Sometimes most carefully laid plans go awry, leaving nothing but the dust in your mouth irrespective of everything that was put in formulating it or executing it. Pain I think is a state of mind as is happiness. There are times I wonder if insanity is brilliance of our ever competent mind against the realities of the world, shutting down everything except for one recurring thought which is essential to deal with it, a world created by our imagination to get reality clouded for survival. As much as I vouch for choices in everyone's life because it means independence, freedom to shape up your own life the way you see fit, I also have to acknowledge that, it is not possible in its truest sense of word. Freedom is never a complete phenomenon, nor it is absolute. It's bound by many factors such as conscience, rules of society, relationships and so on. Absolute freedom comes with the personal responsibility which in itself is a regulation to govern yourself, keeping in mind that you have certain liability towards the world that you live in. Complete and absolute freedom can turn the world into shambles of chaos. The balance with which the world has been hanging, the equation itself is the boundary by which we exist.

When it comes to emotional well-being the same principle makes sense to me, emotional balance with which we live by requires a certain measure of restriction, a control that we need to maintain, we may not like it or sometimes it may even be painful to maintain. It nonetheless is crucial to hold on to that fragile balance of sanity to ensure long term positive returns. Choices at times are just the vague extension of so-called freedom. You make small or big choices every day of your life, keeping in mind that they affect not only you but also your near and dear one's. Emotional well-being depends on emotional intelligence as to which of the choice is best for yourself and your loved ones also which one is the best to maintain that balance that keeps your world together. I think emotional choices are the hardest one to make, it may shape a person. It has the ability of completely reconstructing one's way of seeing things and interpreting them. People have different reactions towards certain life situations or painful events. Those reactions I think are based on our experience of how they made us feel if we had gone through them before, how do we understand and interpret them and our emotional maturity. That is why I think understanding and acknowledging your emotions and how you feel, allows you to respond and not react which is crucial for our emotionally healthy life.

When it comes to human relationships, the line between right and wrong, choice between hurting yourself or others when you are standing on a cross road is so fine that You can land in no man's land because of the fact that the same choice can be interpreted as right or wrong based on the perspective of the person looking at it. Some circumstance are just how they are, neither right or wrong, nor here or there. Whatever choice you make can be a wrong choice to make in one way or the other even if it is the the right one for you. I know I am being vague and cryptic here but certain emotional choices and circumstance are exactly that, they can only be felt or understood. Any response to these choices or circumstance can't be reasoned as right or wrong because they are both.The principles and reasoning doesn't apply because if you reason it, the wrong and right factor weigh equally on your shoulder. Now how do you deal with it emotionally when you know whichever choice you make would be a wrong one but at the same time right? They can only be accepted as such irrespective of the fact that you never can argue your way out of them.

Acceptance ensures that the power of emotional reaction towards a certain situation or event can be acknowledged and controlled. Unacknowledged emotion can be overwhelming and has a tendency of turning self-destructive. Acknowledging what you feel and why you feel it, anger, hurt or lost to name a few and the reason for it that takes the edge off of it, making it smoother if not easier to look beyond misery and pain to take tentative steps towards healing and getting back on your feet. Mostly it gives you hope to get better, to move on. Acceptance gives you the ability to detach yourself from the situation in which there is nothing left for you to do to help, from which you need to get out in order to be able to move on or better yourself. Emotional maturity or intelligence means sometimes you got to make painful choice or face difficult situation in order to move on. The point is the knowledge that it may hurt at the moment but that is what you need to do for your emotional well-being in the long run.

Some relationships or emotional entanglement are toxic, no matter how you justify them or argue for them, till you deny the existence of toxic in them, you cannot understand why you feel lost or on emotional roller coaster all the time more so why you are discontent. You have to come up with reasons and moments to make you feel happy in that relationship all the time.I have come across people in denial who have reasons to justify even physical abuse. They deny the implication of it and maintain excuses for their tormentors. Why? because of a simple reason; they are unable to accept being abused themselves and in denial they find reasons to validate it. If you're happy in a relationship, you don't need to find reasons as to why? You just are. But if you're unhappy most of the time, I suggest that you look for the reason, because till you don't find the cause you cannot cure it. Once you find the cause you know if there is something that can be done to get that resolved. Resentment kills any relationship in the long run. whether the problem lies in you or in the other person concerned once it is acknowledged you can move on to get that fixed or if it is something that cannot be resolved you can make informed decision as to if you can live with it in the long run or not.

Important thing to understand is , it is your choice to make and you got to live with it. Don't be hasty in taking responsibility or making excuses for another person but do not run from your own responsibility either. A relationship involves two people and they both are responsible towards the well-being of the same. From what I have observed emotional well-being between any couple affects the entire financial, physical and mental well-being of that couple as well as their family. So this is not something you would want to ignore and leave unresolved. Now in certain situations the choice you would make will be wrong, it doesn't matter which - in one way or the other, emotional choices are not easy ones to make. Yet making them, accepting them and facing them is the only way to move forward. Life cannot be black and white, gray is dominant in all of us. Emotional maturity and the key to happiness is to understand that and come in terms with that.

At times we certainly cannot rationalize pain and emotions when they are at their peak or when we are right in the middle of it. It's when the patience is required to wait it out, to let it wash over you without reacting. Pain always brings awareness if you let it. Awareness to life, awareness to happiness and awareness to your own self. All you need to remember is that you got to let yourself accept and embrace it as a part of moving on or a necessary evil. Subsequently it helps you to make informed choice as to what choice you got to make and which one you can live with in a better and happier way in the long run; especially when it comes to choices that you are compelled to make.Remember you do have one important choice. That is, whether to live in denial or to accept the reality and move on. Life is beautiful if you celebrate it, just the way we celebrate change of seasons knowing and accepting winter is important too, even if it is undesirable. Take one day at a time. Remember to smile as everything may not be the same, but everything will be fine because you will make it so and because you are stronger than you think you are.
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Last Updated: 6/11/2014
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