"Bro, will you teach me how to kiss?"
That was an unexpected question on a Friday evening from my friend, Kyo. We were in my bedroom, which made it more awkward that he decided to pop the question just then. Kyo was sitting on my bed; his legs were drawn to his chest and his dirty shoes rested on my duvet much to my dismay. He was staring at me expectantly, as I sat directly across from him at my desk.
Looking up from the computer, I swiveled my chair around to face him. At first, a part of me thought his request was a joke, like he was plotting another prank or something. I was just dumbfounded, considering that Kyo is the confident type. Usually, his confidence came across as arrogance. Nonetheless, it was still shocking to learn that he didn't even have his first kiss yet.
"There's this girl... she's been wanting me to kiss her for a while now, but I always chicken out. I need your help," Kyo continued on with a deadpan expression, making it difficult for me to trace any insincerity in his words.
"Well, you've come to the right person. I've been told I'm an awesome kisser," I said, flashing an open-mouthed grin that I hoped he would find cocky. I didn't care. For once, I was the arrogant one and it felt good.
I did not expect Kyo to suddenly jump from the bed and charge my way. "Show me," he said, as he grabbed my head with his cold hands. My eyes widened in horror when he tugged me close to his face -- which resulted in me screaming and shoving him away fiercely.
There was a loud thud as he plonked onto the floor, landing on his bottom.
"What the heck, dude!?" I exclaimed in bewilderment.
Kyo was rubbing his butt, disgruntled. "What? You said you would teach me," he said defensively.
"I can teach you without our lips having to touch. Ever. Do you understand?" I snapped, glaring at him.
Kyo rolled his dark eyes. "You should've been more specific then."
To the outside world, our friendship is rather strange. In all honesty, I didn't like Kyo at first. I thought he was too cocky, too insensitive, and too stupid. Meanwhile, I'm the complete opposite - I'm rather humble, emotionally intelligent, and I'm academically gifted.
I've been told that I'm a serious guy. I take great pride in my appearance, ensuring that my golden mopped hair is well-groomed. Recently I've removed my thick, milk-bottle glasses and replaced them with contact lenses. This shows off my eyes, which are like a 'sparkly ocean blue', according to my current girlfriend, Leila.
Kyo is the opposite. He's fifteen shades darker than my pastry complexion. He has the messiest, black hair - it's like a bird's nest! His eyes are super dark, almost appearing to be black. When the light shines on them, however, they appear to be electric-blue. It's rather strange. To be frank, he's strange.
"Alright, first thing you need to know about a great kiss is that it's all up here," I say, gesturing to my forehead, indicating my brain, and then to my chest where my heart is. "You see, in my experience, it's heavily based on mental and emotional connection. The best kisses of my life were with girls that intellectually stimulated me and that I loved."
Kyo isn't paying attention. He's too preoccupied by a fly that is buzzing around, his finger up in the air as he traces the movement of the little insect.
"Pay attention, dude!"
"Did you know that flies take off backwards?" Kyo asks, as the fly lands on the window sill besides him.
"I don't care! I'm telling you something important," I snap.
"Did you know that flies puke out their food and then eat their vomit again?"
"I really don't c- wait, what?" I pause, as his words sink in. I recall a moment when a fly landed on my cheese pizza and flew away. It only happened for a brief second, so I still ate the pizza anyway, but now... oh god, I feel sick.
"Yo, what's this?" Kyo asks, bolting towards my backpack tossed aside in my creamy-colored Chaise lounge sofa. There are cable-like wires sticking out from my backpack, catching his attention. He tugs the wires forward, somewhat carelessly, and pulls out a translucent statue head that blends in nicely with the sofa.
"Hey, careful with that!" I exclaim, grabbing it from his rough hands. "This cost me a fortune."
"What is it?"
"It's a kiss-sensory mannequin head," I say, proudly. On one end of the wires is the statue head, while attached on the other end is a tablet-like device - enabling me to alter its programs, activate or deactivate it, and it provides on-screen information.
"Dude, why do you have that?" Kyo asks.
"Well, how else do you think I earned the title 'awesome kisser'?" I reply, smirking.
"Ew, your lips have touched that? Hard pass!" Kyo remarks.
I shoot him a fierce glare. "You were willing to kiss me a while ago, thick-head!"
"Yeah, but now... I'm just looking at that mannequin and imagining your germs all over it," Kyo continues, shuddering as if he's in complete disgust.
"Says the same guy who ate a freaking woodlouse during our woodland trip," I snort, rolling my eyes. "Anyway, this mannequin head is really accurate and it gives useful tips on how you can improve your kissing style. Basically it's programmed to detect the movement of your lips, the amount of pressure that you apply with your lips, how long the kiss lasts, and more. It even senses hesitation, depending on the amount of pauses you take and such... So, you ready?"
Kyo stares at the mannequin head for a while. The sound of the clock tick-tocking on the wall fills the living-room. Eventually he speaks up.
"I can't. It's a guy."
I blink in surprise. "What?"
"Don't you have a girl mannequin somewhere?" Kyo asks. I stare at him, gobsmacked. Is he actually serious?
"They ran out of females, so I got the male one. But it's fine, it's just a stupid mannequin," I say, exasperated that we were even having this conversation.
Kyo still looks bothered. "At least put a wig on it or something!" He persists stubbornly.
I sigh in irritation and storm off, speeding up the stairs. I know that I don't have to do this. I don't have to listen to him, but I prefer to be the bigger man out of us. As I open my storage room, I'm greeted by dust mites that tickle my nose and make me sneeze. Stuffed away into the corner is the box of wigs, which belong to my sister, Jessica. She shaved her head last year, as her hair was too damaged, and she went crazy and ordered a bunch of colorful wigs online. Since then, her hair has grown back, and she rarely uses these wigs. I grab the nearest one - it's long, soft and ginger.
Hurrying back to the living room, I place the wig on top of the mannequin's bald head.
Kyo pulls another face. "I prefer blondes... you got a blonde wig somewhere?"
I growl at him, "I'm not about to walk up and down those long stairs again. Just kiss the freaking mannequin already!"
Kyo takes a deep breath, holding onto the mannequin's cheeks and gazing at it. "Well, babe, I've been dreaming of this moment since I laid my eyes on your beautiful ginger self... you know, they say gingers don't have a soul... but, as I look into your eyes, I just know-"
"Uhh... what are you doing?" I question, raising an eyebrow.
"Shut up, I'm building up the kiss! Everyone knows the sexual tension before the kiss - the drumroll - is what makes it special," Kyo snaps.
"Again, it's just a mannequin, you weirdo. Hurry up and get it over with, I don't have all day," I retort, beginning to get impatient.
Kyo leans forward, centimeters away from the mannequin's lips, and then he exclaims "nope!" and backs away.
"What now!?" I yell.
"It's got hair all over its mouth," he says, disgruntled. I couldn't see anything at first, but upon closer inspection, I saw two or three microscopic hair upon the lips.
"Dude, stop being a baby," I say, but it's useless as he won't kiss it now. Heaving a heavy sigh, I pulled out an antibacterial wipe from my backpack. I scrub the lips of the mannequin viciously, until it shines under the sparkling morning light. "There, problem solved."
There is a clear frown plastered across Kyo's features. "I don't know, dude... I'm just not feeling it. That mannequin... it's still a guy, and a wig isn't gonna change that."
I scream in frustration, finally having enough. I grab his head with both my hands, trying to force his lips against the mannequin head. Unfortunately, Kyo is faster and stronger, as he somehow manages to get behind me and shoves my own face against the mannequin. I squirm and struggle against his grip, trying to pull away desperately, but he's pressing my head down firmly.
Eventually, he lets me go and I can finally breathe again.
The tablet flashes with instant results:
The kiss is breath-taking, appearing to be intensely passionate. However, the contact with the forehead is too rough - which can result in head-related injuries. The kiss lasted for twenty seconds with no pauses or hesitations. To improve your kiss, it is advised that...
Kyo snickers. "You were right! You're a great kisser, bro," he says, patting my back as if congratulating me.
I roll my eyes. He's such an idiot. I don't know how I put up with him.
Want the second part? Lemme know.