I wiped the water away from my face. It was now 1:40 am... And still no sign of her. More water emerged from my eyes. I wiped them and scratched them, attempting to stop the flow. I was sitting on the sofa at the side of her guestroom... I leaned back, resting my head against the wall and staring into the dark room. I only now realized that I hadn't turned any lights on... I didn't need lights. My mind was like fire...
More water emerged as I thought about her. As I worshiped her. As I longed for her. I had been angry, I had been upset. I had been mistreated. But not the way she had been. She had been lied to, she had been hurt and... Mainly by me...
But no more. I would wait here for her to come home, and the minute she walked through that door... I would beg her forgiveness for everything... I would tell her the truth. I would give her money, I would buy her a new house, I'd get her a new job and I'd get us a new village... I'd do anything to save whatever we have left... I'd get away from my father and the gold digger. I'd forget everything. I'd forget it all. I loved her... What was I saying earlier? I was done? I didn't care?
I held my head in my hands. I did care. I cared too much... More than she'd ever know. I cared so much more than anyone knew. I cared... And I loved... And I always would love... And...
A distant sound lit up my ears. I immediately stood up and rushed to the window which overlooked the driveway to our mansion.
The raw dragon of hell flew to the surface of my heart and my mind... Joe's motorbike was driving up... I watched them... I watched them as he pulled up and she stepped off the back. I couldn't see his face; I could only see hers... She was smiling... She was smiling?! What the f**k was she smiling for?! What the f**k was she doing?! Wait...
Had she been with him this whole time? She'd been with that f**king moron this whole f**king night? This whole time I've been pacing and crying over her, she's been f**king around with that f**king arsehole?!
I slammed my hand to my forehead as I watched her... I could lip read those lips so well. She was saying thank you... Thank you for what? For showing her a f**king good time? I punched the wall.
He was saying something... She began laughing... She started backing away... She... She waved and smiled at him... That look in her eyes. I knew that look. I could see it. She watched him drive off down the driveway until he disappeared from view. She hovered... But then she turned and walked through the front door.
I spun around from the window and panicked... What had she been doing with him all this time? Where were they? What had he done to her? What if he? Wait, did they leave together earlier? I didn't see anything... No wonder he was so desperate to get her a drink... No wonder he's been so desperate to give her a ride everywhere...
I sank my teeth deeper into this new knowledge I had gained.
He's been trying it on with her this whole week, right under my nose... I looked around impatiently as I heard footsteps running up the marble staircase...
What if she had done something stupid? What if she had done something with him, just to get back at me? What if I had pushed her away?
I would find out what was going on... I would have to make sure... I would...
I quickly launched myself at the sofa I had been sitting on, and crossed my leg in a subtle fashion...
And then I waited...
The footsteps became louder... The footsteps became clearer... Until...
The door opened, and then closed... And then the light was switched on... And then...
"Oh my God!" Upon seeing me, she swiveled around and opened the door, ready to run back out but I ran over to her and slammed the door shut, spinning her around and pinning her to it. She wasn't getting away from me now.
"Where you trying to leave?" I asked sarcastically, trying to contain my anger... My anguish.
She didn't respond. So I cupped her face with my hand and held my other arm against her.
"So you've just got home?" The energy ran through me... The energy that I didn't have earlier. It was zingy and urgent... It urged me to press on. "Did you have a nice time?"
"What..." She was stammering... For God's sake Viola speak. "What are you talking about Korbin?"
I smacked the door beside her head. "You've been with that toy boy of yours haven't you?!"
She opened her mouth to speak but I ignored her.
"Don't pretend you weren't! I saw you! I watched you just drive up!"
She was now shaking, and I became aware that I was shouting. I lowered my voice, and began half-whispering, the anguish still present in my voice.
"Well? Did you have a nice time?" She had seen right through the sarcasm in my voice, like I knew she would. She didn't seem to care... She was so speechless. Why wouldn't she speak? Was she afraid of me? Or was she afraid of what she had done? "What did you do?" She placed her hands on my chest and tried to push me away. I resisted, grabbing her waist and pinning her against the wall some more. "Are you trying to leave again? What? You want to run back to Joe, do you? Well too bad! He's already driving home to his pregnant f**king girlfriend!"
"Why are you here? Why do you f**king care where I've been?!" Tears started running down her face, I wiped them away slowly and she tried to grab my hand and push me away, so I pulled both her arms above her head.
"I've been here for the last hour. Wondering where you are. Wondering whether someone had killed you." I spat. "And you've been off frolicking around with some absolute moron!" I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, but it was no use, I was getting angrier and angrier by the minute, and she wasn't being open, she was hiding something! I could feel something was wrong! I saw it in the brown, deep jewels I was staring into... Her eyes were frightened and dazzled. "I just want to know what you were doing."
"Why? What difference does it make to you?" She spat. My eyes widened. "You think I owe you an explanation because you've been waiting for 1 hour? I've waited months for you to leave me alone! Yet here you are again!"
"I want to f**king know, tell me." I commanded. "Or have you got something to hide?"
"No, I haven't!" She shot back.
"Well then tell me!"
"Why not? If you've got nothing to hide-"
"I don't need to hide anything from you, or anyone else! Besides its my business what I was doing and who I was doing it with. It's my business where I go and who I go with. You have no right to ask such a question!"
I swallowed, I breathed and I punched the door. She scrambled out from my arms and ran over to her dressing table. I spun around and observed her.
"Where's your dress?" The fumes of hell roared. "Where the f**k is your dress? Where did you get that shirt from? Where's the dress I gave you? Why are you wearing that now?"
She stared down at her clothes, looking even more scared now.
"So you've changed? Wherever you went with that moron, you got changed?" I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Was this evidence of something? No... Please no... I walked over to her, grabbed her arms and throttled her against the wall beside the dressing table. "Whose shirt is that?" I asked the question, remembering all of my shirts she had worn on our weekend away.
She blinked at me like a lost puppy, stranded and deserted.
"WHOSE F**KING SHIRT IS THAT?!" I roared.
She began crying again.
"Are you scared to tell me? Are you scared to tell me the truth?!"
She shook her head, still crying.
I placed my hands securely on her waist and slammed her into the wall once more. "TELL ME!"
She carried on shaking her head.
"So he's giving you his clothes now?" I eyed her up and down again. "I just want to hear you say it."
She cried loudly now. She shook her head at me some more. I pressed my nose against her, eyes meeting hers and I forgot who I was.
"TELL ME! F**KING TELL ME YOU WENT WITH HIM! TELL ME YOU WERE WITH HIM AND TELL ME YOU F**KING GAVE HIM YOUR-"
The palm of her hand smacked me cleanly across the cheek. She started to struggle and eventually I let her waist go. We now stood before each other, squaring up to one another.
"I don't have to tell you anything." She swallowed, pacing her words as the teardrops rolled. "You're out of f**king line!"
"Oh I'm out of f**king line?!"
"Yes." She spat. "You don't control me. And you don't have the right to accuse me of anything, because I haven't done anything wrong and you know it!"
"Then take the shirt off." I spoke plainly, the fumes of fire sizzling in my throat.
She swallowed again. "No."
"Take it off." I hissed.
"Don't tell me what to do! When will you listen to me?!"
"I won't listen to you until you take that f**king shirt off." I hissed again, raising an eyebrow.
She smacked my shoulders.
"Take it off!"
"NO!" Her eyes began widening at my insistence.
"If you didn't do anything wrong why won't you take the shirt off?" I clutched her waist some more, and she began stepping back against the wall.
She shook her head.
"Take. It. Off." I hissed, my eyes penetrating hers.
Her refusals were the extra puffs of injustice that sent the fire soaring.
"So you won't take the shirt off?!"
"No! You can't make me!" She spat, folding her arms in front of her. "Just get out."
I raised an eyebrow. "How do you know I can't make you?" Her eyes widened and she became even more agitated, her body hit the wall behind her and her eyes sank. "Does this sound familiar? Do you see where we're going wrong?"
"Get out." She whispered, in disbelief. It turned into a passionate, hurt scream. "GET OUT!"
"No. You can't make me." I sneered at her, but the sneer went away as she shook her head, tears bubbling again.
I wasn't going to play this mind game anymore. I summoned the strength in my hands and tore her folded arms undone, and then I took hold of both the collars on her shirt and ripped them apart, popping all the buttons off and revealing her bare torso. She had of course struggled, but we both stopped struggling the minute my eyes saw her flesh... So perfect, petite and voluptuous.
She smacked my shoulders and pushed me away, trying to cover herself up, but I came back with more energy and pinned her against the wall with my whole body.
"Please..." She whispered. "Stop it... Please after everything you must know that I'm not the enemy here..." She cried loudly, wailed loudly... "Why am I always the one you punish for all the horrible things that happen to you? Why do I always have to be the one who gets hurt?"
I shut my eyes and leaned my nose against hers, some of her tear drops sprawled across my face as our skin touched.
"How can you stand here and accuse me of being a cheater? Why would it even matter? I'm nothing to you. You've done everything to break me... You've hurt me so much... How can you stand there and accuse me of something like that?" She sniffed back more tears to try to get her words out. "How can you think that I would cheat?"
Tears threatened my eyes. "I don't... I... I..." She searched my face as I struggled to answer. "I can't... I can't lose you... If he touched you I'd be destroyed..."
She shook her head in disbelief. "Why are you saying this? You don't mean it?" She began whispering as she cried. "You don't love me... You're trying to hurt me again. That's all you ever do... You try and embarrass me and..."
"No..." I whispered back. "I love... I love..."
"Stop it, stop trying to lie." She tried to push me away, but after failing she just looked me in the eyes again. "All I ever did was love you... Why did you have to do this to me? Why are you still doing this? Why can't you let me go? Let me go. You hate me! Let me go!" Her voice got more passionate.
"I don't hate you..." I tightened my grip, all anger disappearing from me.
"Let me go!" She tried to free herself.
"No..." I strengthened my arms, all I saw was her.
"Stop lying!" She pushed me harder.
"I'm not lying!" I tried to get her eyes to look at me.
"You don't love me, get off of me Korbin!" She refused.
"I... I..." But then she finally looked me in the eyes.
"Korbin, get off! Please... Just stop... Please don't do anything, don't use me again, please. Don't use me, my body can't take it, I can't take it. Please." My wife was begging me.
"Please..." I whispered, staring into her warm eyes. "Please... I won't hurt you... I promise... Please... Just..."
She shook her head and her face scrunched up as she began crying loudly. "I don't understand... Why did you stop loving me? Why don't you love me anymore? What's wrong with me? How come you don't want to be in love with me? Why do you hate me?" She wailed.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered, unable to hold my words back. It cut my heart to see her cry. I couldn't take it anymore... I was pretending I was something different... I pretended I didn't care... But secretly I was dying inside. "I'm sorry..."
I watched her cry for a moment. Observing the droplets that emerged from her eyes and feeling the vibrations of sadness coming from her chest. Her body broke down in front of me. Soon enough I had taken my body weight off of her and her head was buried in my chest. My arms were wrapped around her back and we were crying together. Her body was leaning on mine for support. We were feeling the injustice together. The injustice of my malice. The injustice of unspoken words. And the injustice of what I had done to her.
And soon we were kissing together. We were rotating together. We were undressing together. We were stroking together. We were caressing together. We were lying together. We were massaging together. We were colliding together. We were sinking together. We were embracing together. We were panting together. We were sighing together. We were moaning together. We were absorbing each other. We were consuming each other. We were feeling each other. We were watching each other. We were respecting each other. We were loving each other.
And then we lay there together.
She sighed in her sleep... She had only just dozed off about 30 minutes ago. It was now 4:00 am. She was lying in front of me, just like she always used to before I ruined everything. She was on her side with her back to me, and I was lying behind her, supporting her body with mine, massaging her arm and planting kisses on her neck. I could feel her bare body under the duvet... I embraced the feeling. I swirled my tongue lightly in circles on her neck... God I loved her... I slipped my hand under the covers and caressed her bare body in all of my favorite places. She sighed in her sleep again, awaking me from my captivation with her body. I looked at the clock. It reminded me of what I had to do. It reminded me of what I needed to be. I had to go away on business for the day... Such bad timing for a meeting to be in another town... I needed to go and shower... Fix myself up... Make my bruises look presentable. Come up with a good story for why I was beaten up at the banquet. I sighed, and rolled out of the bed as succinctly as possible as to not wake her. I perused the bundles of clothes and underwear on the floor and re-dressed myself, not bothering to button my white shirt all the way up. I zipped my trousers and walked back over to the bed, leaning over her, watching her for a few moments. She stirred, but did not wake. I placed my arm over her body and whispered lightly into her ear.
"Now you see... You have everything to do with me... And I love..." I swallowed. "I love you so much..." With that, I brought my face closer to her face and planted a kiss on her cheek.
She sighed again and I walked towards the door where I saw a carrier bag; I picked it up, and looked inside it only to find the gold dress covered in blood... It must have been my blood... I held onto the bag, I would clean up the dress for her... After taking one last look at my precious baby girl asleep, I switched the light off and exited the room, shutting the door behind me.