The Pain of Losing a Dad

I hurt everyday. I have known this pain will never go away.
A lot has changed since you left,
The road is not smooth,
I stumbled as I fall,
A walk without you is hard,
I'm defeated by imagination,
I cried at its visit with anger in my throat,
Anxiety feels my heart, I couldn't save you,
No one could, the man in a purple cloth,
Had spoken, his decision is final.

When you traveled to the place above,
My life got busted, I lost my mind,
I held you close wanting you to speak your last words,
Life was no more, time of death 9:47 A.M,
I internally died as my body went numb,
Nothing on earth could describe the pain,
The pain carried forward and ate the best,
That was in me, my pain is incurable,
I feel ill-fated and unsecured.

You were my joy, pride, and security,
A lot had been taken away from me,
I feel cheated and destroyed,
From confident to nowhere,
Fullness to emptiness,
Sweetness to cruelty,
Bravery to fear.

My purpose is no more,
Demons of ruins are chasing me,
My dreams had gone to eternal rest,
I feel terrible with anger in my throat,
It feels like I am parting but in consciousness,
The agony is too much, I am aching,
It feels like red paper rubbed in my eyes.

I am waiting and wondering,
If all these pain shall come to pass.

Forever in my heart, you will stay,
You were my guide and sense,
My light in the dark,
No word could say,
You lived as Thessalonians 4:11 said,
"Always quiet and minding your own business."

As I remembered all that you were to me,
I can't help but cry, my heart is sick and painful,
Life is hard, is like long-distance trek,
With one leg on heel shoes yet another barefooted.

No medicine can ease this pain,
No sorcerer can undo the pain,
No matter where I go, it follows,
The pain of losing a dad,
It's the world's worst pain,
It feels like I'm being crush,
In a grinding machine.

I'm in the world where,
I don't commit to anything,
I see no point, I have no objection or question,
The worst had happened,
I stay as life leads, it's more like,
Existing instead of living,
It's the crappy life I put with every day,
Till we meet again,
I miss you Dad.
Published: 4/15/2015
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