Volume Seven: A Story of a Girl
How can one (unsuspecting) guy have the ability to mess with your head ... no.
It hurts, doesn’t it? How one person can both be your pain and your salvation … but what hurts the most, is that we let them do it.
As I sit inside a coffee shop, my head hurts little by little. Thinking about him, about us, and about those that stand in our way just weakens the strongest link I have. I’m not the perfect girl, and I am only someone who admires him from afar. I pity myself, for thinking that we could be together.
Whenever I try to discourage myself, I see him magically in front of me―and a sentence exchanged between us meant happiness to me. Those precious words he spoke with me were the very stem of the feelings I have for him. That although we don't talk much, his very existence made my heart flutter. When we talked, believe me ...
I pity myself for becoming an actress―to easily pretend that I’m alright, when inside I scream for help. I pity myself for becoming a masochist―because even though I know I’ll get hurt, I let my one-sided feelings grow anyway.
Why, you say?
Because feelings and emotions, are not something we cannot control so easily. Aren’t you exhausted? So exhausted that it doesn’t hurt anymore. So hopeless that you thought everything seems so unrealistic anymore. That the very possibility of being with him is nothing more but a dream.
Yet still, I wait.
Because even though we know how this love will end, even though we know that this imaginary love will never come to be, we take the plunge anyway. Ah, of course. It’s because of that tiny shed of hope inside us that whispers, ‘maybe, just maybe…'
He felt the same way too.
This quiet, one-sided love of mine may never come to be. But you know, maybe, fate will decide to become a friend of yours. Maybe your feelings won’t meet now. But who knows?
A year or two from now, it just might.
So don’t lose hope. Please, no matter how hopeless it may appear,
Don't lose the fight.