Volume Four: Facebook Friends
A second ago, I was crying.
I cried because I realized that I, Tracy, have a superpower.
And no, it isn't the ability to fly, to read minds, or to be invisible.
It's the extraordinary ability of being able to lose a beloved 'best' friend in seven days.
I was exaggerating when I said seven days. I mean, even I can keep a friend for some months. 1 year, to be exact.
A few minutes ago, I was scrolling down my Facebook page when suddenly, a girl named Isabelle changed her profile picture. Isabelle was a friend. She was my best friend.
The year before I moved to Calgary, we were tight. At least, I thought we were. We became acquaintances in our first year of high school, and became close friends in our second year. Lots of laughs were shared, lots of secrets were revealed, lots of sadness were comforted, and lots of fun times were achieved.
But then I moved.
On the second semester of my third year in high school, I moved to Calgary where I continued school. Honestly, I thought we would keep in touch - that she would text me to see how I'm doing, or to call me to see if I were alive.
She did none of that.
I could remember the first two months after I moved. I felt so left out from everybody else at school who already created their own circles. Thankfully, there were those who took pity on me and took me.
But thinking back... it was sad.
I couldn't remember her texting me first. I remember saying 'hello' everyday, hoping she would reply to see if I've adjusted. I thought I'd have someone to comfort me.
I felt so betrayed.
It's true that we had two more people in our 'tight' group, but damn it! She was supposed to be my best friend! You could just imagine how much I had to pretend that everything was fine, the times where I have to be strong in front of a school full of strangers... it felt like shit.
But enough about that. Eventually, I made a lot of friends in my school, and I was deemed approachable to everybody, so my name went to lights and high school didn't end to waste. But there are still lingering feelings inside, you know.
Back to my story.
When I saw her new profile picture, I realized that her looks haven't changed all that much. When I looked at it, I was waiting for my guts to feel sour, or for tears to start dropping for missing her-
Instead I felt nothing.
If you've read my other entries, you'd know that my heart has literally went numb when it comes to any sort of relationships... and I think she's one of the main reasons.
I guess I don't want to hurt anyone anymore - not myself, nor anybody else.
To give your trust to someone, to allow them in your life, and then the next day pretend that you're nothing... it doesn't hurt as times goes by... it doesn't hurt anymore as times goes by, but it doesn't mean you forget it.
I liked the picture. For some magical, unknown reason - I pressed 'like.'
And the next minute, she posted in my wall.
I stared at it for a minute. And then another. And then another.
Ten minutes passed.
It must be because of the difference in time zones that prompted her to ask. "So you're still awake?"
I looked at it. I didn't know what to say. So quickly, to escape this conversation, I replied.
"I have work. Goodnight, Sis (:"
(We used to call each other 'sis' before.)
This is where I hit my breaking point - when she replied back. It was a simple reply, really.
"Okay. Goodnight, sis!"
I read our short-lived conversation once. Then twice. And then three times.
Then I realized - It was the first time in two years she became interested in anything about me. The first time she acted like an acquaintance, like a friend.
And then I started crying. I cried because it was the closure I needed - the most anticipated closure my stoic heart could ever desire. It was the truth I needed to face.
To each other, we've become strangers.
Friends who you have in your profile but not give much of a damn about. If they have a nice picture, you like it. You say a simple hi, a simple goodbye. Nothing more - nothing less.
I know that a lot of you have faced similar difficulties. Moving to another place meant distance - and that meant adjusting.
I knew how persistent I was when I texted her - to hopefully get some comfort from this strange new place, but unfortunately I was one of those who never got it.
But hey, that doesn't mean that things will be the same for you. The end of our friendship was painful, excruciating... sad. But it allowed me to be strong, to be hopeful for the new world I'm in, and I think I've adjusted well.
Now, this strange place has become my home. I've met people who loves me, and my life is nothing more than peaceful and satisfying.
I guess the end of one friendship meant the beginning of many other, great relationships. So don't be sour at such things. It will pass - and it will be better. Why?
Because it will be worth it.
After all, when I finally communicated with Isabelle after a long time, I didn't have any sour feelings. The crying was from the happiness of the long-awaited closure, and nothing else.
Like they say, friends come and go. But that doesn't mean you forget them. You learn from them, and then you get better friends. Ones who wouldn't trade you for anything else.
And guess what?
I think I've found them.
Thank you for your continuous support on this real-life series! Is there any topics you would like me to cover? Comment below!