This is Not Me-ow! (1)

Sarah Wright, a twenty-two-year old woman, has mysteriously turned into a kitten. She discovers that she can communicate with other animals. Along the way, she learns some dark truths about the animal kingdom, and their conflicts with the humans.
I open my eyes. All around me, I see a translucent white atmosphere, like thin clouds with a hint of the brilliant sunlight streaming through. Is this heaven?

Then I realize the metal bars surrounding me, caging me into this small, tight space. Now I'm beginning to think it's prison.

Before I could open my mouth to shout for assistance, the world begins to shake violently. I screech and try to find my balance, but I end up toppling over and banging my head against the metal bars. Ow!

Just when I think I'm trapped in heaven's prison whilst in the middle of an earthquake, and it couldn't possibly get more confusing than this, I hear a woman's voice booming over me.

"Oh my god... what have I done?"

Over and over, she repeats the same statement hysterically. It's kind of creeping me out. Just who exactly is this woman? What has she done? Is she in prison too? Wait, why am I in prison in the first place!? So many questions!

"Please forgive me, God," the woman says.

Just then, like curtains opening, the whiteness surrounding me disappears and I'm greeted by the view of the busy city. For some reason, the world looks a bit more... depressing and gray. It's like an artist decided to wash over the scenery with dreary colors - despite the fire ball in the sky. Or maybe it's just the result of air pollution.

"Go little one, I'm so sorry," she says.

The prison bars open. I step out cautiously into the open road and instantly notice a white lab coat drifting through the wind, like a plastic bag. Was that the thing blocking my vision...?


I turn around to see blinding lights approaching me at the pace of a galloping horse. Instinctively, I jump away in time, managing to escape the speeding vehicle by a mere second. What a maniac! I could've almost died! I ought to sue that reckless driver! They're probably drinking and driving - in the daylight too!

I look around to catch sight of the woman who placed me in the middle of that dangerous road. Just what was she thinking? Does she want to murder me!? Is that why she's pleading to God to forgive her? Hmm, it's all slowly making sense now! I think. But wait... now I have more questions. Why does she want me dead? I sigh in frustration, as I scan the empty streets, unable to find her.

I decide to walk down the long, narrow pavement. I've never felt so confused and hopeless before. Maybe it's my low spirits, but the world just looks so much bigger to me, and less vibrant than ever with its tinted colors. It's like everything has lost the essence of its soul and it makes me feel so insignificant, like a dust particle floating through air.

"Mommy! Look!"

My head jerks up. It's a little, blonde girl... except she's not so little! She's holding onto a woman's hand, who looks like an older version of her. With her other little hand, she's directly pointing at... me? Hmph! That's kind of rude. Why isn't her mother telling her that it's inappropriate to point at people?

"Mommy! Can I touch it?" The little girl asks, her hand making grabbing motions towards me.

What?! Just seconds ago, I've almost been killed by a careless driver and now I'm being referred to as an 'it'? This is all surely a misunderstanding. I look behind me, wondering if she's referring to something else... but nope. This child has her eyes set on me.

"No, it's dirty," the mother replies, as she tugs her daughter away.

Dirty?! My god, I've never felt so much disrespect in my entire lifetime! After escaping that near-death experience with that wretched driver, I've realized that my time here is too short for me to hold my tongue back. I'm going to make sure they won't get away with this!

"You need to learn manners, woman! Then you can teach your child the proper social conventions!" I yell after them.

The girl stops and she is still pointing at me. "Mommy! It's calling us! Can we take it back with us?"

"Don't be silly!" The mother snaps.

"Yeah, don't be foolish, girl! I am not an object! So, please stop treating me like I'm one of your dolls," I retort.

"Listen Mommy! It wants us!" The girl persists, as she bursts into tears.

"I don't care!" The mother replies, pulling her shrieking daughter away and disappearing into a corner.

What on earth was that about?

Today is the strangest day ever. Usually, my life is predictable and uneventful. Some days I wished it was more interesting but, after getting a taste of such an unusual day, I decide that I liked my boring life the way it was. I need to get out of this dodgy neighborhood. Clearly, the people here are crazy giants and they have no regards for other people's feelings.

I continue walking ahead, shaking my head and feeling disappointed with the world. Then I notice something through the glass window of a store. It's a tiny kitten glancing back at me.

Possibly the most cutest kitten I've ever seen!

It has wide innocuous brown eyes that reflect the warmth of the sun, with its little pink ears and matching upside-down triangular nose. There is a golden marmalade brown coating the top part of its body, while the lower half is pale as snow. I step closer to the kitten, only to realize that the kitten is approaching me too. I tilt my head in curiosity, and the kitten copies me. I raise my paw and-

Wait. I have paws?!

Immediately I jump back, startled. The kitten is staring back at me with a bug-eyed saucer look, replicating the horror that I feel inside.

Oh god! No! This can't be! No... Don't panic, Sarah. This is just a dream. You're sleeping in your bed right now and you're going to wake up any second.

I wait for a bit, while the reflection of the kitten is gazing at me expectantly.

... Any moment now.

I look around hopelessly, as life carries on. The sounds of the cars zooming past, an ice-cream van chiming in the distance, with children's laughter slicing through the hectic city air. I feel a breeze flutter past, like the cool touch of a ghost passing through me, sending chills through my entire tiny body.

It is then that I realized the terrible truth. I am a twenty-two-year-old woman trapped in a cat's body!

Screaming in sheer horror, I ran through the narrow, littered pavement. In this moment, I didn't know where I was going, but I was just allowing the summer breeze to carry me away. Maybe if I keep on running, and I don't think about the situation for too long, I can turn back to normal!

Or get hit by a car. Either way, I'd like to escape from this horrible nightmare.


I hadn't seen the glass door of the bakery store swing open. Instantly, I fell over limply from the impact, while silver stars were dancing around my vision. Two chubby, dark-haired men in their white aprons step out, holding a tray full of colorful cupcakes. They look down at me.

"Oh sorry, kitty! I didn't see you there!"

My vision comes into focus, and I realize it's only one man - Mustache Mickey! One of the greatest bakers in town. He bends down, placing a cupcake onto the ground. It has pink butter icing and a cherry on top. Simple yet sweet - just the way that I like it.

"Here ya go, 'lil 'un," he says, patting my head, before walking away.

Oh my god! I live for his cupcakes! He is the reason I gained so much extra weight last summer and, sadly, because of this reason, I had to stop visiting his store. Nonetheless, his cupcakes are like magic. They can make me feel so much better - no matter how down I felt.

Perking up, I take a ginormous bite out of the cupcake.


Confused, I take another bite. This time I'm chewing more slowly, trying to really taste the flavor.

Why does it feel like I'm chewing through plain cardboard?

A sudden thought strikes me. Has my taste buds changed because I'm a cat now?!

Oh, God. Please, no! How can I enjoy life without savoring the sweet tastes of my favorite cupcakes!? It was like my last ray of sunshine, my only hope of happiness in this moment of confusion and dread, only to be killed by the dark, gray clouds.

I run away, yet again, crying and screaming so agonizingly. I hope that Superman will save me from this bad dream.

Unfortunately, Superman didn't hear my cry.

"Woof! Woof! GRRR!"

But - of course - a huge, black Rottweiler did.

I freeze in my tracks, momentarily, as I see the giant hell-hound charging my way. A middle-aged man in a white tank top, with his beer belly out, is yelling after his insane pet on the loose.

"Rocco! Come back here!"

What was I doing - just waiting here, like a fresh hotdog out in the sizzling sun?

Quickly, I begin to run away. Usually I know these streets so well in this part of town. However, maybe it's because I'm a cat now or I'm too flabbergasted, but the entire world looks different in every nook and corner.

An image comes back to haunt me. It was when I lived in the streets and I witnessed a dog (which was also a Rottweiler) aggressively tearing apart a cat's head from its neck. I shudder at the memory, as it motivates me to run faster with my little legs.

Finally, I turn into a corner, disappearing from its sight. Fortunately, the pot-bellied owner had caught up to the dog.

"Hey, guys. Look! It's a kitty."

Instinctively, I jump around, facing three, thuggish-looking guys in front of me. They're dressed in a similar fashion with their snapback hats and ripped jeans and they appear to be sharing a bottle of alcohol between them.

Clearly, I can't catch a break today.

"Aww, 'lil kitty, you want some drink? You thirsty?" The guy in the middle slurs. He's blond, no surprise there.

"Ahh, she ain't as thirsty as you, bro," the guy to his left says. His shirtless arms are covered in tattoos. My goodness, I've never seen so many before!

"Yo, guys, we should totally make the cat drink," the third guy chips in. He's the tallest one. As he comes closer to me, I'm afraid that he'll crush me with his humongous feet. "C'mon, have some, kitty," he slurs, bringing the beer bottle towards me. I back away from him.

I wasn't expecting him to smash the bottle against the brick wall.

Every part of my body jumped at the noise of the glass shattering. He holds the bottle threateningly to me, the pointed shards almost poking my face like spears. "If you don't listen..." he murmurs. I can't help but think how stupid he is, seeing the brown liquid dripping from the broken bottle to the floor, along with the tiny shards of glass.

It is my cue to leave now, but I'm surrounded by the three guys blocking my exit. I can only imagine what these drunk buffoons will do to a hopeless, little cat like me.

Superman! I really need you more than ever!

Just then, there is a fast, blurry movement. A creature flew from seemingly out of nowhere, much like Superman himself. The creature pounces on the tall guy's head and covers his eyes - who begins to scream that he's 'blind'. The blond guy goes to punch the creature (which looks like a combination of an abnormal cat, and a deformed rat), but the creature swiftly jumps to the tattooed guy, as quickly as a bullet. As a result, the blond guy accidentally punched the tall guy.

"Ow!" The tall guy cries out.

"Whoa, sorry, dude. I totally meant to hit that anorexic cat thing," the blonde guy replies. The tall guy glares furiously and then he punches his blond friend.

"Hey! What the heck? I said I was sorry!" The blond guy exclaims, outraged. Then they begin to wrestle each other on the floor, rolling over in the leaked beer and shattered glasses.

Meanwhile, the tattooed guy is shrieking, "it's eating my face! Help! Help! Get it off!" He tries to swat the creature away, but he ends up stumbling backwards to the brick wall and collapsing against the trashcans. He knocks them over, as they echo loudly through the commotion, and he faceplants onto the dirty floor.

"Ohh..." he groans, as he blacks out.

Me? Well, I was watching everything in shock. I should've taken this opportunity to escape, but the scenes that unfolded before me held my attention.

The creature lands on the ground, like a poised cat. It looks so weird, nothing like I've ever seen before. It has glowing, red, oval eyes and a long, skinny, gray body - one that resembles a slender tiger. It has long, dark-pink rabbit ears that are bigger than its face with a matching colored nose. Its cheekbones are so hollow that I can peel potatoes with it. It approaches me with its long, skinny legs.

"I wasn't eating his face. I was biting his nose."

Did I just hear that right?

Did this weird-looking cat really talk?

"The name's Zate by the way," he continues, as he sways his thin tail in an elegant manner. "I was watching you from above on the rooftop of that high building. Those punks were giving you a hard time, huh?"

"You're... y-you're..." I stutter, still too shocked to process everything properly. I shake my head, trying to clear my puzzled thoughts. "Why do you look so... different?" I question.

"I know. I'm not like the other cats," he proclaims. In that moment, the tall guy, who had knocked his blond friend out, charges at us like a bull. Without hesitation, Zate spins around like a gray tornado and whacks the guy's head with his tail like a whip. It sends the tall guy flying against the brick wall, making him pass out instantly!

Wow... just... wow.

"I've got amazing fighting skills that no other cats can compare to me. Seriously, all the gibs and toms wish they were me," Zate states, as he licks his left paw and then smooths his furry, pointy ears.

Hmm, I guess arrogance isn't just a human trait after all.

"Thanks for saving me," I sigh. I need to lie down. This is all too much for me.

"Ah, no worries. I like to teach those punk humans a lesson not to mess with us cats, whenever I get the chance. I wonder though, what's a beautiful kitten like you doing out here in these shady corners?"

"Oh... um, well..." I begin. Then realization hits me.

Not once have I ever been called that in my life. I've been called 'cute' and 'sexy' at best when I was a human. This is the first time I've been called beautiful, and it's by some deformed-looking cat!

Honestly, what has my life turned into?


Author's Note:

I'm taking a break from MBIMT. The chapter that I'm working on was too depressing for me to write properly, so I decided to write something more... light-hearted!

Hope you enjoyed this bizarre tale. If you want more, leave a comment.

P.S. 'Gibs and toms' refer to male cats, neutered and non-neutered.
Published: 7/13/2018
Bouquets and Brickbats