To Know It's Your Fault - Chapter 6

Just a small chapter of the outcome you could say.
I stared at my ceiling, lying on my bed. School was already over and I was finally home. It was quiet since mom was at her job. My legs were killing me from the walk here. I lifted my hand in front of me staring at the crumpled piece of paper. A number was sprawled out on it, Schuyler’s number. Just seeing the paper made my mind revert to the ticking minutes of gym.



"What if I were a girl who liked you and wanted to date?!"
Schuyler stared at me in shock and then looked down nervous. No, not nervous-embarrassed of what I just asked! He probably thought I was a complete stalker who was so desperate to get with any guy around!
He walked away from me and tore paper out of his binder which was sitting with everyone else binders. He wrote something on it and came back in front me handing it to me. "Call me later at around eight and we can talk… about… yeah. Here’s my number."
I took the paper and he ran off to the locker room. I was speechless.

End of Flashback


The clock only read 5:32; I wanted time to go by faster. I wanted to explain that I didn’t mean what I said, but how exactly do you do that?! If I told him it was nothing but a joke, would he get mad? I’m so scared I can hardly keep from shaking! I said the most stupid thing to a boy who I just met today. A boy that was the only one that was really sweet to me and wouldn’t care if I were a boy!

I froze, thought and remembered, ‘Oh yeah… Mom had me signed up as a boy at school.’ Now I wasn’t shaking in fear, but anger. Again why didn’t she tell me?! I sat up in bed and gritted my teeth, now Tristan questioning me again. It’s her fault! She wanted me to go to school so why couldn’t she have told me that I was supposed to be a boy there?!

I winced in pain and looked at my fist, it was red, why? I looked to my right and saw a hole in the cheap wall of the house. I had punched the wall and not even known. Tears started to role down my face and I pulled my legs up to my chest.
No, my fist didn’t hurt that bad, but my head hurt insanely bad. All these thoughts and fears kept zooming in my head over and over again. Schuyler thinking I’m a freak. Tristan questioning my gender all over again. Gracia not giving me a choice of what I wanted to me. My mother not telling me she signed me up as a boy!


It was 7:31 now and my mom was finally home; I could talk to her now.
"Mom," I said walking up to her as she entered the door. She looked up and gave a smile before it turned abruptly into a frown.
She yanked off her shoes and gave a sigh. "What happened at school?"
"Oh nothing, just that my clothes were in the boys’ locker room!"
My mother gave me a look and said, "What’s wrong with that? Wasn’t that right?"
"No! No it wasn’t right! I chose to be a girl! Why didn’t you tell me that you signed me up as a boy! That could’ve saved me so much trouble! I even asked you this morning!" I glared at her and wanted to punch something again just to show how pissed I was. "This morning you said I looked like a girl!"

She shook her head and grabbed my shoulders. "Malory! I said you looked like a girl but you can’t just rely on just how you look!" She looked down and took a breath. "Malory, you have to remember that even if you look like a girl you still have a…"
My eyes widen and I stepped back. She was right, I should’ve thought about that… but there was a problem still with her choice. "But what about my chest?" I couldn’t help but feel stupid for asking that. I’ve been growing and so have my chest just very slowly. It still was barely noticeable to other people.

I heard a slap and looked at my mom who now had a hand against her forehead. "You’re right! Malory, you’re absolutely right… Maybe sending you to school was a bad idea after all… Maybe leaving was a bad idea…" My mother sniffled and looked away from me with her mouth covered trying to cover her crying hiccups.
"Mom…" Now I felt bad; I made my own mother cry. "School wasn’t bad. I’m happy here, I made friends…"

This made her look at me in surprise. "Friends? That’s wonderful! What’s their name? What are they like?" She hugged me close squalling with delight. Sometimes my mother scares me…
I scratched the back of my head and shrugged. "Well there’s Schuyler and Gracia…"
"Anyone else?"
"Well there’s one boy named Adri, but I’m not sure if he’s my friend; he’s always sleeping. Then there’s this guy named Tristan…" Did I really want to talk about Tristan with her? If she knew there was a person already suspecting me than she’d get upset again. I gave a shake of my head. "…but he's just an idiot."

"That’s not nice," she scolded. I didn’t care though; he was an idiot and a pain. "Oh no it’s already past eight o’ clock! I guess we’re having take out." My mother walked past me patting my head as she left for the phone.
Eight o’ clock… There’s something about that time that was important, but what?...
I ran past my mother who was about to ask what I wanted and into my room to snag the crumpled piece of paper off my bed. I ran back and my mother was telling someone her order. I wanted her to hurry! "Mom! I want cheese pizza!"

"They don’t serve pizza, it’s that Chinese restaurant we saw the other day."
"Steam dumplings! Just hurry!" She gave me a quick glare and ordered what I said and then what she wanted. Then hung up telling me that she was leaving to get it.
I gave a quick nod and snagged the phone and ran to my room. I clicked the number in and waited and waited and waited… Did he not want to talk? Maybe I called too early. I put my finger on the end button but then a crackle came from the phone.

"Oh, Mal!" He said my name cheerfully, like he completely forgot what I called about. "I’m happy you called."
I tilted my head. "You are?"
"Why wouldn’t I be?"
"Well because of what happened at gym."
Did he completely forget?! I wanted to hang up before he could talk, but I couldn’t. I wanted to know his answer for some reason. We just meet and I wasn’t in love with him; no, this wasn’t one of those stupid TV shows. I closed my eyes and put the phone to my ear.

"Malory did you hear what I said?"
"Sorry repeat it."
"Well it's sort of embarrassing now since you didn’t hear me the first time."
Embarrassing? "Um… well can you?"
"Well yeah…" There was a long stretch of silence and I could even hear him breathing from the other line. Before I could ask if he was okay, he said it. "I wanna date you."
I froze. What?! I didn’t want that! That only makes my situation worse! Couples get close don’t they? I can’t get close to Schuyler and also I didn’t like Schuyler that way!

"Did you hear that time?"
I nodded and said, "Yes."
"Are you okay?"
"Um… yea, just surprised. I didn’t think you would say yes… sorta weird for a girl to ask out a guy anyway right?"
"I guess… but I still said yes… so shouldn’t you be squealing through the phone?"
Like a typical girl would do on TV… "Um… I’m happy, but I’m not going to squeal."

"Okay! I can’t believe we’re dating and we’ve only known each other for day."
I panicked, was that bad? "Is that too bad? Did you really not want to date? We don’t have to; I don’t want to force you to date me. I mean we can act like the whole thing never-"
"Malory, I do want to. Yeah I guess it's weird, but maybe that's what makes it special?"
I let out a sigh and shook. "Ok… that sounds nice."

Schuyler then gave a groan through the phone. "Sorry Mal, mom wants help with the dinner. I’ll seeya tomorrow! Bye."
He hung up before I could say bye back and I was left there still shaking. So I and Schuyler were dating now. That’s okay. I’m old enough to date who ever I want… And Schuyler’s a cool guy so it won’t be one of those drama relationships…

With a groan I fell back on my bed. "What am I kidding? If anyone figures out my secret then I might as well get my own TV show full of drama." I pulled my pillow over my face and gave a heavy sigh. I can’t do this, being someone’s girlfriend wasn’t what I was supposed to be. But Schuyler said he would still be my friend even if I were a boy. So maybe he’d still stay my boy- Aghhh!

Throwing the pillow I jumped out of bed and put the phone back on its charger and covered my face. He can’t figure out. I have to dump him as soon as possible. I wobbled back to my room with my face still covered. I have to leave him. I have to.
"I have to, but I don’t want to." I uncovered my face and gave a weak smile.
Published: 3/8/2012
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