Ultimate Revision Roast

Title says it all.
Verification Principle


BOOM! Here I am. Hold your breath about God.
My theory has common sense, you will applaud.
I'll make you think twice about the shit you say,
If it ain't analytic or synthetic, just get outta my way!
How you gonna talk about something metaphysical?
Boy, quit your yapping. That shit is nonsensical!
Quit hating me for relying on logic, reason and facts.
Protip: sit down and don't utter meaningless jacks.


You wanna be a big shot talking about verification,
When, boy, look at yourself, you're a huge contradiction!
How you gonna sit there and demand for empirical evidence,
When you can't even proof your own theory's existence?
You think you're logical, but Richard Holder disagrees.
Your logic says all polar bears are white due to brown chimpanzees!
Why don't YOU sit down and stop limiting our language?
Aquinas and Wittgenstein put you to a disadvantage.
You tryna justify yourself with your weak verification,
But Bible witness accounts make you rethink your action,
I guess your form lives up to its name - it's hella weak!
So let's teach you a lesson, you Logical Postivist geek.
Listen to my boy, Peter V, if you want some success:
Just cos it ain't verifiable don't mean it's meaningless.

Falsification Principle


You attack verification principle, but take a good look at yourself,
Theory so flawed, you don't deserve to be put on a bookshelf,
You must be trippin' if you think science can falsify God,
And yet you laugh at your neighbor for being so flawed.
Swinburne will tell you how it is using toy story analogy,
His bars will spit fire, making you choke out an apology,
Couldn't you stop and think that we speak prescriptively?
Homeboy Braithwaite knows that's how we live lovingly.
Your theory ain't no top match for our racy Hare,
He'll be throwing groundless bliks with little to no care,
Backed up by Hick, arguing for sane and insane bliks:
'Religion is insane' is merely a whim by crazy chicks.


Whoa! Hold it there. Who says they're groundless bliks?
It's grounded on valid reasoning, not irrational tricks,
Yeah, God may seem like a resistance leader, not gonna lie,
But the power of faith is stronger, and this you can't deny.

Language Games


Wittgenstein here to clear up the shit the previous idiots made,
"Language is cognitive and realist" - who you tryna persuade?
There's different forms of life, drill that into your small brains,
First, learn their rules and contexts before you spit complains.
Statements are not inherently true nor false, do you get it yet?
It's time to grow up, both of you, and change your mind-set.


Look at Wittgenstein being so witty when he's plain clueless,
Acting like you know what 'God' means with little to no success,
Why you gotta rule out God's existence so unfairly like that?
Why you gotta pretend that atheists and theists don't chat?
Why you gotta stop us from empirically testing faith claims?
Why you gotta alienate those outside your dumb games?
We should change our mind-sets? First, change your rules!
Let outsiders join in and stop being strict like old-age schools.


Why am I an atheist, you may wonder. Well, allow me to explain,
In the face of a cruel world, the idea of a loving God seems insane,
How can we talk about a transcendent God, let alone believe He exists?
"But I've had a religious experience, it must be Him!" The theist persists.
How do you know they're not hallucinations or a wish-fulfillment?
God, I hate your beliefs and you too. I'm sorry for my resentment.
I mean, look at organized religions - they're all ridiculous and hated,
Your Bible doesn't prove God. It's full of contradictions and it's outdated,
Dawkins agrees that religion is for the weak-minded. Science is better,
I'm officially done with you, theists, I'll 'pray' for you to get over my letter.


I am Thomas Harvey and I am 50/50 over God's existence in the 19th century,
I know! 'Agnosticism' will explain how I'm feeling, it will go down in history,
What is the meaning? Well, it means 'without hidden knowledge,' you see,
You might see it as a branch of atheism, but the term implies uncertainty,
Even within most theists who cannot completely 'know' God nor his nature,
So, please, put away your forks and threats for I am not a religious hater.

Theist response

Dear atheists, in terms of successful proof, you're not on any stronger ground,
If we cannot prove God, can you honestly disprove God? Just look around!
Unicorns, Loch Ness Monster - can we disprove the existence of them? No.
My question is, is atheism a faith position? Baggini shakes his head real slow.
Now, to our fellow agnostics, we only have one question for you to consider,
What evidence will it take for you to believe in God's existence altogether?

Ontological argument


I'm the argument that can conclusively proof God's existence,
I'm the one who has deductive, analytic and a priori evidence,
My logic is undeniable, that I even appeal to scientific people,
Starting point so reliable, believers and atheists say it's lethal,
If you agree with my definition, you know my theory is logical,
So go justify and reason your faith - thank God for ontological!


Your theory is confusing, leads to misunderstanding,
How you gonna define God who's an unknown being?
What if I believed in the God of Process Theodicy?
Your argument falls apart like Obama's failed policies.
How you gonna rely on reason over empirical proof?
Reductio ad absurdum turns your theory into a spoof.
You can't define something into existence, you fool,
David Hume against a priori thinking cos it ain't cool.
There's different definitions of God, which one is right?
Hobbes knows the infinite is not thinkable by the finite.


I'm laughing if you think reductio ad adsurdum kills me,
Boy, you focus on contingency while God is a necessity.
Moreover, Mr. Hobbes, I never said God can be thought,
Re-evaluate my theory before you go for the onslaught.

Virtue Ethics


My theory focuses on you, it increases your self-worth,
Not absolute, it allows for personal autonomy on earth.
Theory so universal, it don't need religion, you feel me?
Appeals to your intuition - who doesn't wanna be happy?
I'll remove dangerous and unhelpful vices in society,
I'll shed some light on people's motives like a deity.


Hang on there, who is virtuous and how do we know?
Power is a vice, right? But Niet and Mach persist no.
What do you mean by 'deficient' and 'excessive', bro?
Did you consider that vices might help society grow?
Not everyone aims for goodness, I'll have you know.
Even if humans reach eudaimonia, how will it show?
Working out the golden mean just gives me vertigo.
Virtues may conflict and your theory stinks like B.O,
It's difficult to apply and as clear as a blurry photo.
You say you're agent-centered, but that I gotta veto,
If we're following virtuous people, are we free to go?
We're not looking at ourselves, just copying a pro.
Published: 6/16/2016
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