Well, That Happened (4): Stalkin' & Kidnappin'

Just a silly story. Bella confronts Nathan.
Gary: I didn't imagine you'd do that...

Tom: When it comes to Nate, you should always expect the unexpected.

Nathan: (winks) You're welcome, bud.

Gary: Um, I guess it kinda worked. Mark is a laughingstock now... but so are you, Nathan.

Tom: Nate doesn't care about that stuff. Everyone knows he's the class clown.

Nathan: (startled) Clown? Where?

Tom: (to Gary) Anyway, I hope you're feeling a little better.

Gary: I have to admit, it was funny seeing Mark get flustered... Thank you for, um, doing that, Nathan... (looks down) Still, I don't know if that will stop him from bullying me.

Nathan: Whenever he bothers you, gimme a quick call. I'll deal with him, so you don't have to.

Gary: (stunned) Y-you'd really do that for me?

Nathan: Yeah, of course. What are pals for?

Tom: Wow... you're actually being mature right now. I never thought I'd see this day.

Nathan: (smirks) Out of 1 to 100, would you say I'm 69% mature?

(He holds up his hand, which Gary awkwardly high-fives. Tom rolls his eyes.)

Tom: Never mind, I spoke too soon.


(Leon is Tom and Nathan's friend. His complexion is dark as coal, a startling contrast with his bright-green contact lenses and his magenta-dyed afro. The boys are in the school canteen, eating the homemade cookies from Leon's mom.)

Tom: (moans) Mmmh! I swear, your mom makes the best cookies ever!

Leon: You oughta try it when the cookies are fresh outta the oven. The chocolate chip practically melts in your mouth.

Tom: That sounds amazing! My mom doesn't like baking or cooking. She just orders takeaways for us.

Leon: Mine loves cookin'. Whenever I ask for something, she instantly whips it up for me.

Tom: (enviously) Your mom is pretty cool...

Nathan: I haven't slept with her... (long pause) Ever.

(Leon and Tom are staring at Nathan, shocked. Fury crosses Leon's face.)

Leon: What the hell do you mean, you haven't slept with her?

Nathan: Exactly what it means... I haven't slept with her. At all. That one night I stayed over at yours, I didn't sneak into her room and we totally didn't do things behind your back.

Leon: (outraged) The hell is wrong witchu?! Why are you telling me this shit?

Nathan: Because it's the truth.

Leon: (frustrated) But I never asked! Now you're makin' me question everythin'... (balls up fists) I swear to God Almighty, if I find out you've touched my mom, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll taste what my shoe has stepped on!

Nathan: (panicking) I didn't! That's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time!

(Tom puts a firm hand on Leon's tensed shoulder.)

Tom: Ignore this fool. He spews out nonsense all the time. It's not worth stressing over, I promise you.

(Bella storms over, her blonde ponytail swaying furiously. She stands in front of Nathan, hands on her hips.)

Bella: Nathan Conway! We need to talk!

Nathan: Hey, Stella.

Bella: It's Bella, you moron. Don't act like you don't know me (crosses her arms) You are in so much trouble, mister.

Tom: (sighs) What did you do now, Nathan?

Nathan: I didn't do anything!

Bella: Don't lie! I know what you've been up to.

(She points an accusing finger at Nathan.)

Bella: You're a creepy stalker that's in love with me!

Tom: (taken aback) I did not see that coming.

Nathan: (confused) I am?

Leon: Man, can't we just have a normal lunch time without all this drama?

Tom: Seriously, Nate, what did you do to her?

Nathan: I don't remember.

(Bella shows her phone with the text messages on screen.)

Bella: Look here! Solid proof that you've been harassing me!

Tom: Give that here. Lemme have a closer look.

Bella: Don't drop my phone, or else you're paying for a new one.

Tom: I'll be careful with it.

(He holds her phone, reading the texts.)

Bella: (huffs) If you think that's the way to win me over, you're solely mistaken, Nathan Conway. First of all, I don't date weirdos like you. You're annoying, you're uneducated and you have zero class. Frankly, it's a miracle you haven't been kicked out of school yet!

Leon: Damn, this is getting intense...(shrugs carelessly) but eh, you deserve it, Nate.

Bella: (flicks her hair) Secondly, I'm not interested in cowards who hide behind screens. I like real men, not silly little boys who don't know to treat a woman. You have no chance with me, do you hear that? No chance at all!

Leon: (nudges Nathan) Ooh, man! You got rejected hella hard. Whatchu gonna do about it?

(Nathan stands up, looking at Bella with a serious expression for a moment, before he gets on his knees and cups his hands together).

Nathan: Don't leave me like this, Stella, please! Give us one last try. I promise I'll make it work this time!

(Many students are looking over at the pair. Bella doesn't mind the attention. In fact, she's enjoying the stares she's receiving. She sticks her chin up, feeling superior.)

Bella: Nope. You've lost your chance when you sent those creepy messages (pats her hair) Face it, I'm too good for you, anyway. I'm a Queen and you're - well - you're just trash.

Nathan: Please, Queen Stella, I can change for you! I can be better!

Tom: (sharply) Get up, Nathan. You idiot. You didn't even send these messages.

Bella: What?

Tom: It's not him. You've got the wrong guy.

Bella: How do you know that?

Tom: Well, the message starts off with, 'This might sound very creepy...' Whoever sent you this text is self-aware, which is something that Nathan isn't. Plus, this idiot has the memory of a goldfish. He can't even remember your name, how'd you expect him to remember your number?

Leon: Good point.

Bella: (baffled) Well, if it's not Nathan, then who could it possibly be? I don't know any creepy weirdos besides him.

(Tom gives her phone back, shrugging.)

Tom: Apparently, the dude works with numbers for a living. That's your first clue.

Bella: How'd you know that?!

Tom: He literally sent a message with those exact words. You should read his texts properly before jumping to conclusions.

Nathan: That's not important right now.

(He holds Bella's hand, whilst still kneeling on the ground.)

Nathan: The most important question is... Stella, are we still dating?

Bella: (wrinkles nose) Ew! Gross! We've never dated and we never will!

(She walks away, her heels clopping loudly. Nathan stands up, watching her go.)

Nathan: (dreamily) I'll never forget her...

(He gets distracted by the ice-cream in Leon's hand.)

Nathan: You gonna eat that, bro?

Leon: (shakes head) You need to step up your game, dude. That was super thirsty on your end.

Tom: He's always been like that - clueless around girls.

Leon: Clueless around everyone, you mean.

Tom: Touché.


(Bella marches up to her friends, Andy and Fiona. She stomps her foot and screams in frustration.)

Fiona: Hey, Bella. How did it go?

Bella: Use your brain for once. Does it look like it went well?

Andy: Oh, dear... what happened, sweetie?

Bella: (frowns) Apparently, it's not Nathan Conway! Can you believe it? I was so sure...

Andy: Erm... yeah, we tried to tell you that it couldn't possibly be him, but you wouldn't listen to us. Don't get me wrong, Nathan is a huge weirdo, but I don't get creepy vibes from him.

Fiona: Exactly. We tried to stop you from making a fool out of yourself.

Bella: (pouts) Well, now I have a creepy stalker out there, and I don't know who he is.

Fiona: Maybe you're overreacting... Maybe you don't have a stalker.

Bella: Easy for you to say. No one will ever waste their time to stalk you. You'll never understand hot girl problems.

Fiona: (glares) I was trying to make you feel better. You don't have to insult me.

Andy: Honey, she's not insulting you. She's telling the truth.

Bella: Thank you, boo. You get me.

Andy: No problem, sweetie.

(Fiona clenches her jaw, annoyed.)


(Roger Linton is slouched over the desk, sighing with discontent. His dull, brown eyes observe Blake Mannford exiting the classroom with a group of girls by his side. Tom is sitting next to Roger, while Nathan is sitting on the desk.)

Tom: Hey man, you ok?

Roger: Not really...

Tom: What's wrong?

Nathan: It's the opposite of-

Tom: Shut up.

Roger: (brooding) I just can't stand Blake-freaking-Mannford.

Tom: (chuckles) Come on, bro. You jealous?

Roger: Well, obviously! The dude gets countless babes coming up to him without even trying!

Tom: He is rich and good-looking, you know. What else do you expect?

Roger: I know... it's just frustrating (raises his eyebrow) You're telling me you're not a 'lil bit jealous?

Tom: Not really. I have Amanda and she's more than enough for me.

Roger: You're lucky. I wish I had a girlfriend... but girls don't notice me.

Nathan: Maybe you're a ghost...

Roger: What?

Tom: (rolls eyes) Oh, here we go.

Nathan: And that's why they don't notice you.

Roger: Um... I don't think-

(Nathan grabs Roger's bare arm, his fingers wrapped around his wrist.)

Roger: What are you doing?

Nathan: Whoa! You're super cold. Just like a ghost.

(Roger pulls his arm away.)

Roger: Well, I'm not wearing my blazer and I have short sleeves, so...

Nathan: Interesting... That seems like a perfect excuse... (dramatic pause) for a ghost.

Tom: He's not a ghost, idiot!

Roger: Yeah... besides, ghost don't exist.

Nathan: Maybe that's what you want us to believe.

Tom: Anyway... Rog, we're going to the Luna club tonight. Why don't you tag along? There'll be plenty of girls there for you to meet.

Roger: I might... I just hope Blake won't be there too.

Tom: Why?

Roger: Because he'll steal all the ladies, of course!

Nathan: (gasps) He kidnaps them!

Roger: No, that's not what-

Nathan: I knew there was something fishy about him - and I'm not talking about his smell! We gotta save those poor girls!

(He dashes out of the classroom, knocking over a chair on his way out.)

Roger: (groans) I didn't mean kidnapping.

Tom: I know what you meant.

Roger: Where did he run off to? What's he going to do?

Tom: Just let him be. So, you down for tonight?
Published: 12/13/2018
Bouquets and Brickbats