What If: Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine.
Elizabeth aww thank you so much. I hope you keep on enjoying this.

Milena You are very welcome, ha...ha. Oh good, Alex is definitely my favorite, and I really hope you like this chapter :) I would have posted a little sooner, but I wanted to wait for the poll to be taken... :D Oh that's so cool :) I was in chorus at my old school, but at this new school, my schedule doesn't work for me to be able to take chorus.
Well, I have 5 sisters ha..ha, but the youngest is 6 (almost 7), then 8 (almost 9), then 11, then 13, then 14 (almost 15) and then the oldest of my sisters is about 32 now. (She was from my dad's first marriage so she's a half sister, but I still count it)
and aw that's cool.

Jasmine I've talked to my friend now :) which was really good. we actually weren't friends until they started dating, but we became good friends during that time.

Chapter Nine: Part One
Noelle's POV

I woke up the next morning, and knew that I'd fallen asleep crying. My face was coated in dry tears and my nose was stuffy. I sat up and immediately felt a headache coming on from all the crying. I went to the kitchen and got a glass of water before going back to my room and grabbing some clothes.

I took a long shower, letting the hot water beat down on me. I finally stepped out into the steam and toweled off, dressing into the pair of shorts and the band t-shirt I'd grabbed. I walked out of the bathroom and into my room. I put on a pair of sneakers and grabbed my iPod.

I shoved the ear buds in my ears as I walked out of the apartment and down the street, in the opposite direction of the park. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew needed to get away and think. I love Alex. I know I love Alex... but I loved Jared... and I think I still do, partly... but I promised Alex I'd never leave him... and falling for Jared would make me leave Alex...What was I supposed to do?

Why did he suddenly want me back? It'd been like a year without him... I was over him, until he came back. I turned a corner and saw Jared... I turned quickly and ran in the other direction, but then I saw Alex coming out of a store... crap! I turned again and ran down a small alley way between two beach stores. I sat down and leaned against the cool brick, wanting to scream.

What was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to choose? Alex had never left me... never. But Jared... I thought he was the one before.... and now... I didn't know. With Jared... I felt different... better... happier... and with Alex... I still felt happy, and... I just don't know. I thought, close to tears again. How the heck am I supposed to choose? I screamed inwardly... so confused.

"Noelle?" I heard someone say and I looked over to see Gage. Crap... not another guy.

"Hey, Gage." I said, trying to sound upbeat.

"Why are you sitting in an alleyway?"

"Oh... it's just a great place to sit and think. What are you doing?"

"Well, I'm going to the movies with Megan." He said, moving slightly and I could see Megan behind him. Oh thank god, he had a girlfriend now. One less guy to worry about.

"Cool. Well, have fun and enjoy the movie." I smiled at them, standing up. "I was just about to leave, anyway. I've got to clean my room." I tried to laugh. "It's a disaster." I left then, jogging back towards home, not knowing where else to go. I walked into my room and flopped onto my bed, thinking.

I was still thinking when dad came home and knocked on my door. "Noelle? Are you alright in there?"

"No. I'm not." I groaned.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah." I told him, and he walked in, sitting beside me on the bed.

"What's up?"

"Boys." I mumbled, unhappily. "I don't know what to do... I thought I loved Alex... but now... Jared talked to me. And he said he's sorry. And I forgave him and... I think part of me still likes him."

"Oh. Well... I wish I had something to say that could help sweetie, but I don't."

"I didn't think you would. So far, nobody has."

"Have you talked to Lana?" He asked.

"No, actually, I haven't hung out with her in a while. Other than parties... I'm gonna text her."

He walked out and I texted her. Eventually, we decided to have a girl night and I packed up a backpack and headed to her house. I walked in without knocking and ran to her room, to see that she'd pushed her bed to the side of the room and piled the floor with blankets and cushions. She had a tv in her room now, and she had a table piled up with food and sodas. "Girl night!" She squealed, hugging me. "It's been like forever since we've actually hung out!" She grinned, her happiness was overflowing and I smiled back.

"I know! I'm so excited! I've missed you so much!"

"I was thinking we should call Pete's Pizza and get a pizza and chill out and talk and watch a movie or something. I've got Dear John, I know you wanted to see that. And I've got some others, or we could just watch tv, but either way, I can't wait!"

She grinned and we picked up the phone and started dialing. Before long, we were flopped on the floor in our pajamas, scarfing down pizza and laughing at Family Guy, even though we both hate that show. We finished the pizza and turned off the tv, deciding to paint each others nails. She wanted hers a hot pink but I chose a light blue.

When our nails were painted and we were pigging out on junk food, she looked over at me and leaned on her elbow, resting her head on her hand. "Okay, spill. What's up with you? Alex's worried about you? You haven't talked to him all day. What did Jared say last night?"

I sighed. "Well... he said a lot. He's sorry. And he said he knows I didn't deserve what he did to me and he wishes he could back in time and not do what he did. He said that he made the biggest mistake of his life. But the worst part is, I know I still like him. But I love Alex too... I don't know what to do, but I don't want to talk to Alex until I know what I'm going to do..." I leaned against the wall, and groaned. "This sucks."

"Which one do you love more?" She asked, changing her position so she was lying on her stomach, her feet up in the air and she was hugging her pillow.

"I don't know." I shook my head. "I don't know. I thought I loved Jared... but he cheated on me, and I don't think I'd ever be able to trust him again. But still, there's something about him that makes it so hard for me to forget about. And Alex... well, I love him. A lot. And he's helped me so much. I don't know what to do."

"Are you sure Jared's changed?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I could see he was sorry, his eyes are easy to read."

"No, I don't mean are you sure he's sorry. I meant, as harsh as this might sound, are you sure he won't go get high again and cheat on you if go back with him."

I let her words sink in and I couldn't help thinking that she was right. I wasn't sure if he had changed. And I never would be sure. No matter how often he might say he had, I would never be able to tell. "You're right." I said, with a sigh. "I'll never be able to tell if he has really changed or not."

"I'm sorry Noelle, I bet this hard for you." She said, sympathetically, frowning.

I nodded. "I just don't want to hurt either of them."

"Well, that's impossible. If Jared has changed, or at least, is sorry, it'll hurt him if you choose Alex, but I think it'd hurt Alex more if you went with Jared. I can see how much Alex cares about you Noelle. It shows in everything he does. The way you guys talk together and smile together... the way he protects you, and how you guys walk in sync. You're perfect for each other." She paused, and then sighed.

"What else? I can tell you want to say something more. Go ahead and say it. It won't hurt my feelings." I told her, knowing her too well to not see that there was something more.

"Alright. I never saw that with Jared. Yeah, I could see he thought he loved you. I could see that he would protect you. But you never seemed really happy with him. You might have tricked yourself into thinking you were happy, so to yourself you seemed happy, but to me..." She sighed again. "I can tell you love Alex. I could never really be sure when you were with Jared. Yeah, I thought you two were perfect, but deep down, I was worried he would break your heart. Remember, he was a player before he met you, and we thought he had changed then. But he hadn't. We can't be sure he's changed now either. I just don't want you to take the risk of him hurting you again."

"Thanks Lana, for being so honest." I leaned over and hugged her.

"Anytime." She grinned. "We're practically sisters. I have to be honest."

I laughed and the topic changed to clothes and fashion ideas for next school year, our senior year. But that changed too, back to summer and tomorrow's beach party, until we fell asleep, around one.

I woke up the next morning, knowing exactly what I wanted to do. "Thanks for letting me come over Lana." I said as I packed up my stuff and hugged her goodbye.

I walked down the road and back to dad's apartment. I dropped my stuff off and went to the playground. Surprisingly enough, no one was there. I had almost hoped Jared was there so I could talk to him. I pulled out my phone and checked my messages, before sending one.

Hey, come to the playground. I have to talk to u I sent it and sat on the swings, swaying back and forth, waiting and watching. Eventually I saw someone heading towards the playground and I felt my heart speed up because I was nervous.

"What's up?" He asked, his voice opening thousands of unwanted memories.

"Hey, Jared." I said, forcing a small smile. "Uhm.. you know I said I had some thinking to do. And now, I need to talk to you."

"I'm not getting the second chance, am I?" His voice wasn't questioning, it was stating and I shook my head.

"No, you're not. I know you might be sorry, and maybe you have changed, but I can't forget what you did to me. Part of me still really likes you, and maybe I will always sort of like you, but I can't give you a second chance. I'm sorry."

He walked over to me, and kissed my cheek. "I understand Noelle, I guess I'll find some way to move on. Maybe we can still be friends?"

"Maybe. Someday." I said, slowly. He nodded, understanding, and turned to walk away. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Published: 3/15/2011
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