To be honest, I wanted her to regret breaking up with me. I wanted her to suffer every day of her life without me. I wanted her life to be miserable and lonely. But I didn’t expect my wish to come true.
All the girlfriends I dated were temporary. And I stated this clearly before starting going out with anyone. I had a stable job that paid well. I partied a lot. I liked the numb feeling that came with loud music. My thoughts drowning in the loud thump-thump of the pub’s music.
I worked for long hours, mostly did overtime. I came home only to sleep and take bath. My bosses appreciated my hard work. I was good at what I did. Neha worked in my office too. Two floors above. On a second thought, she has lived a lonely life. Parents didn’t pay attention, and was raised by grandparents. She was quite mature at work. I never met her outside office in spite of her insisting the same several times.
I dearly missed Rhea. Rhea... It hurts even thinking about her name. I missed her a lot. I knew she got married. I thought she was happy.
I wanted to run back to her the moment we broke up. I broke up. I blocked her from everywhere. I went crazy. I picked any girl who remotely looked like her, same hair or same eye color or name or bag or phone. I posted so many pictures with these girls. At least someone would show her or tell her how I was living my life to the fullest.
One weekend, I called at Neha's home. We had fun. I think we did.
"This is what I wanted. I don’t know what you saw in Rhea. Yes, she is a nice girl and very innocent. So what? Both of us are beautiful and rich. Why would you go to her in the first place? She was just there so that I don’t ever get alone", she said, naked in my bed, sweaty and exhausted from an hour-long session of sex.
"She’s... She’s too good for this world," I stumble to find words to counter what Neha said.
I realized how lonely Neha was. I understood why she did what she did. Her insecurities and fear made her act the way she did. She left after she had accomplished winning over Rhea. She didn’t even say goodbye. She got dressed and left. I was useless to her now.
I switched my job. Got a better package. I never let these issues affect my work. I loved working.
When Arjun called, I actually was with a new girl. His words shook me. Her arms and leg? What did I do? I unblocked her from Facebook and Instagram. She hadn’t blocked me. Stupid girl. 2 years of posts weren’t there. No wedding pictures, no updates, no check-ins. She must have deleted everything.
There was a group picture of all of us. Last day of college. Shirt signing day - all of us in white. Our classmates had written everywhere on our shirts. She was sitting with Kiran and Karishma, laughing with them. I was standing behind her smiling at the camera. I remember that day. I was scared, things were going to change. We won’t be with each other almost all day, every day.
It was her decision to get married. How is it my fault? I didn’t find a long-distance relationship fulfilling. We fought a lot. So, I broke up. She wasn’t ready to move here. Nor did I wish to move. Why continue then? I don’t think it is my responsibility whatever happened to her. I do miss her. But why am I being blamed?
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