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You Don't Know How It Feels When I Look At You - 30 A - The Unusual Miracle

Daniel's decision!
Finally, we are at the end of our journey. Here's to everybody who became a part of this story, directly and indirectly, and made this girl write things which she never thought she could! I know there are flaws in the story, specially in the beginning chapters but I could never had learned to improve myself without the views of you all.

And I can't apologize enough to the people, I mean, who literally, you know, who cried. I… don't know what to say. I felt like such a cruel person, cuz seriously it's a wrong thing to make someone feel bad about something. And I don't know whether you will like this last chapter, but I wanna tell ya all that… thank you for being there.

Apart from the emotional side-

*Stephanie hides behind a big rock to rescue her life in case her friends run behind her after reading the last chapter*
*Slightly grins like a complete idiot but also scared for what might happen if few minutes*

Okay, I better stop speaking and run away now… toodles! …and one more thing! In case, am saved, which I don't think I will, I will come again, say to reply to the comments!

*Hugs all*
Thank you

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Daniel's POV

I had to come up with a decision.

"It would be hard for her to give birth next time. And you already know there are less possibilities of her survival even at this stage… So decide wisely…" he said.

The doctor wanted me to save the child.
And who wouldn't have wanted that, especially after knowing that saving the lady would be nothing but a loss.
And moreover, if I wouldn't do that, Olivia won't be strong enough next time to give birth to the second child.
And moreover, even if she doesn’t get pregnant, her health would always degrade with time because of her cancer. And this operation too, never guaranteed her life.

"Save Olivia…" I said.
I was firm in my decision.
I wanted the child more than my life.
But I wanted Olivia too!
I knew Doctor thought me to be the dumbest human ever to inhabit the earth but right then, it never bothered me a bit!

As soon as he left the room, I buried myself in the couch, sobbing like a five-year-old boy who was deprived of toys!

But I wasn't deprived of any toys, I was deprived of something which was never going to be mine!
I was deprived of my own kid!

"I could never hold my baby in my hands." I cried silently.

It's like next to heaven, especially for a man-going-to-be-a-father, to know that he was going to hold something that belonged to him, that truly defined him right from the beginning, but then again, it's like death harder than hell, to know afterwards that at the end of the day his dream would always remain a dream and he would never be able to hold something which was his "own".

The doctor already told me, that for her, specially with her lung cancer, it would be difficult for her to give a child. And the next time, it would be next to impossible.

I knew the consequences.
I knew the outcomes.
I knew that if not this time, then I would never be able to hold that tiny innocent heartbeat delicately in my hands.
But I had to decide which one was "more important"!
I had to take the chance!

I knew I had betrayed Olivia's trust by selecting her over baby but at the same time, I had no other option left!

I already lost the battle of my life.
Looking up at the statue of Jesus which was stuck to the wall, I prayed for mercy!

"Please." I begged, tears flooding my face.
I knew it was not going to change anything but what was I supposed to do when I had nowhere to go!

I never prayed for anything so desperately… never ever did that… maybe because I never loved anyone the way I loved her, and also the way I developed my love for our future child.

If just once, just for once if I get a chance to have both of them in my life, no matter for how short time, I swear I would never ask anything else for myself in my whole life.

If only I had some more time, if only I had some more time to have Olivia by my side, smiling over the baby which represented "us", I swear I would have been the happiest person in this whole world!

But no!
Everything had to be this way!
Everything had to come crashing over me!

I was left with nothing…
Even though I was rich, I was poor in every aspect of life!

But I guess some things do happen for a reason and they basically happen when you least expect them.

'Cause… you know…
He heard me…
The lord accepted my proposal and I knew in future I had to keep my words.

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Daniel's POV

"No no, let me change it." I said as I took the diaper from her hand while I kissed her forehead.

I, most basically, acted like a babysitter for all the time, not because Olivia doesn't look after the baby, she always takes care of her more than me, but I couldn't stop the urge to act dumb for both the ladies and make them laugh really hard.
Yes, I love this job!
Even though I get paid by their "laughters" and "smiles", not by cash and drafts.

"Can you believe it? She is eight months old now!" Olivia was jumping up and down with happiness beside me and I was laughing seeing her do that.

"Eight months and one day." I corrected her while she made a face.

It's been eight months indeed, since we all three had to go through that worst nightmare.
I still remember the remark which the doctor gave after the operation was done-

"You are a lucky man Daniel. Miracles don't take place normally…. Congratulations!"

And I then felt as if the whole energy of the universe got inside me in a fraction of seconds which, instead of making me feel energetic, made me fall on the same place as it was truly something which I never expected! It was as if my soul returned in my body which was lost in the static space.
I was so damn happy!

The doctor, however got the hold of me!
And I, even before going to the operation room, went to the same statue of Jesus, got down on my knees and thanked him for all that he gave me! Yet I couldn't hold back my tears.

I was blessed to have my wife and daughter!
Yes, it was a "she".
The doctor said that the child did not carry the disease her mother had, which was enough to make me breathe in relief.

But things did not just end here.
It wasn't later that I got to know that even though Olivia survived this operation, her health could degrade in near future.
I knew the real meaning behind those words, which the doctor actually tried to convey. I couldn't make her go under another operation in near time, to be really specific, lung transplant. It would be very risky.

And to be true, I couldn't complain now… I knew what I asked for was impossible to ever happen and even though, God accepted my prayers and gave me what I wanted, which was a miracle in itself… I knew what God wanted me to do.

"No matter for how short time"- The statement was ringing repeatedly in my mind.

It was time for me to keep my words.
I would not ask for anything else for myself, directly or indirectly… which meant I had to accept and learn things from life.
If I needed something, I needed to do it myself.

"Make the most of it now Daniel." The doctor said before I went into Olivia's room.

It felt as if it wasn't the doctor, it was the words of the one without whom everything would never had turned to normal again… the supreme.

I had to make the most of things now!
And what God actually gave me, I, no doubt, needed to make the most of everything.

After few days of operation, I was allowed to take them home.
Olivia cried for days for Justin's death.

"He died because of me." I still remember how she blamed herself.

But we could never change the past then, could we?
I made her understand why she should stop crying and live her life-

"Justin sacrificed himself and gifted me the most important parts of my soul." I said as I placed my hands on her weeping face.

"And if I should have been in your place… I should never have let his sacrifice go in vain." I told her because she started degrading her health all over again.

"He wanted you to live your life Olivia… he wanted you to be happy… do you think he would be in peace if you let it all go like this? Don't you think it would be a disgrace to what he did?" I questioned her which in true sense made her value her and the child's life even more.

It was, after all, the time for change.
The time to learn from the past and respect every lesson learned and at the same time, to welcome the new future with a heart full of courage.

But even though we stepped into a new world, we never forgot the person who was our inspiration behind everything, who was the reason behind what we really were then-
Justin!

Whenever we started anything new, we never forgot to remember him and mention his name.
It was the least we could do to make his presence felt in our family, though we wanted to do even much more.

In the meantime, Olivia and I got married, officially. It was like a huge celebration for everybody. The only thing which was missing was, Justin. But even though he wasn't present there physically, we knew that he was amongst us, smiling at us, and showering his blessings for our future.

"Describe Daniel." I whispered to Olivia while we were meeting the guests.

She couldn't grab the words to answer me.

"Come on, we are getting married today… Whatever be the first thing in your mind... spill… describe ME." I smiled at her.

She couldn't help but smile, seeing the way I could act even if I had so many guests to meet to.

I thought she would smile and go away, just like she always did but it didn't happen that way. Instead, she whispered back staring at our baby which was then in my mother's arm-

"I met this boy and there were times when we both acted stupid, but never more than one day, I noted his faults point by point but failed to trace a bad remark about him in my record." She said staring at our child which my mother was holding.

"And that," she looked at me right then.

"Made all the difference…" she completed her sentence.

I couldn't help but kiss her softly.
It was indeed our day… our official marriage.

As I already said, we never forgot to remember him in every big and small event of our lives, we even mentioned his name in the invitation card.

Olivia's parents too felt bad for Justin.
After all, they knew him very well.

Standing under the open sky after the marriage was done, I couldn't help but close my eyes, open my arms, as if I were about to embrace someone, and feel the cool breeze touching every part of me.

"Thank you…" I whispered.
"Thank you for everything…" I meant it all from the bottom of my heart.
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Published: 7/17/2012
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