You Don't Know

You never want to wait for the person you dig so much, knowing that there is a high chance that they won't follow you... If only they knew what they are letting go of.
You don't know,
You don't comprehend the tears that sadden my pillow,
With a weight of a truck full of sand,
You don't know,
You don't realize the bolts that hit my eyes,
When you bolt free from my horizon vision and not say hi to me,
You don't know,
You don't catch that heartbeat that leaves me when you embrace me,
And all it does is escape into thin air and hit my face like thin ice,
You don't know,
You don't see,
That what you’re doing is actually hurting me.

Shadows follow me with memories embroidered,
Too cute for words,
I seem to hold on to what was good,
I try my best to look good if I know imma see you that day,
But still,
When I see you, all I leave with is a soul dried up like the Kalahari.

Hot wind whirling in my mouth,
Giving me dehydration from your lack of affection,
My head aches when I see that you notice,
But not twice did you focus,
You don't know,
That your actions speak louder than your words,
Your actions compete,
I don't know which one to accept and defeat,
You don't know,
What you want,
You don't know,
That I want it too but if you push me long enough,
I could want it with someone else.

Trying to hold my umbrella of strength,
Showers of life fall and I am in this alone,
The heat sweeps underneath,
And I wonder at what temperature it will cease,
Because it gets hotter each time you talk to me,
Each message of concern of my feelings,
Motor cycle my heart to head,
Into a boom of adrenaline rush and roll over.

Rolling into the deep,
Into the deepness of my self-pity,
Self-pity party that I jam so hard in my room with all doors closed,
DJ tears sets the pace on the decks of my heart,
With the base of my hyperventilation,
And melody of the story of what’s happening to me,
I sing out loud that I am proud to say,
One day,
You will lose me and see that I was all you got.

It gives me great pleasure knowing I was best for you,
When everyone thought you were a fool,
I whispered in my soul that I could be a fool with you,
I tainted my eyes with the sweet things you did for and with me,
I glazed my spirit with your hand prints,
That gently healed every bruise in and on me,
You don't know,
That you affected me,
You infected me,
You rejected me.

A pain no human wants to acknowledge or admit,
But I am clearly lying in that pit,
I am here,
You left me where you deserted me,
And it boggles me because,
You left me yet you wanted me,
You push me away whilst still holding on,
How long is your arm,
That your grasp lengthens to the length that you please.

If I walk away honestly,
How long can I walk for without looking back to see,
If you looking at me,
If you will follow me,
Gripped by the fear,
That once I fade into the mist,
You will remain in the midst of uncertainty,
And comfortably stay there,
You don't know,
That I can give you clarity,
You don't know,
That I,
That I too fear eternity.
Published: 3/17/2012
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